I have actually written about many of these questions and problems in my other articles here as the articles are all based on my personal experiences of mainly dating older men, as well as my life living with one for seven years now.

However, a recent email inspired me to write some more on this subject and to try and address a few specific points that I may not have covered quite so clearly before.

One of the problems or hurdles that you will face if you are involved in a relationship with a gay man where there is a significant age gap is how others will perceive that relationship.

Another hurdle that you may face is how you think other people will perceive your relationship with an older or younger gay man.

In my own life, the later point is actually the one that gave me the most problems.

I actually gave myself more grief and worry about what other people might think than what actually happened and what these people actually do think about our relationship.

These days, I don’t worry about people thinking negatively about our relationship because in the first place it’s not theirs and in the second place most people are too busy with their own problems and relationships to really be too concerned.

I took me many years to get to this comfort point in my life; it wasn’t easy and I will admit that even to this day I sometimes have the occasional bit of anxiety.

How could I have made things easier on myself? That’s something that I sometimes think about and the answer that keeps repeating itself is that I should have come out to my parents a lot earlier than when I did.

But I was young and scared of what they might think or do and what my friends might think and do. As it turned out, I came out to my parents when I was older and at a pretty low point in my life, still scared of what everyone might say and do.

To make thing just a little more interesting and difficult, the day I came out was also the day that they officially found out that I was living with an older man who was the same age as they were.

Yes, they got a double whammy that day!

I broke the news awkwardly to my mum first. I don’t remember exactly what either of us said, it’s all a blur but it basically went something like this…

“Mum, you know how I’m renting a room from Ian and how I invite him to all our family get-togethers? Well he’s not really my landlord. He’s my lover and has been since I moved in with him”.

A short pause of silence greets this revelation and then my mum responds with, “It’s OK; I kind of figured that might be the case”.

After I left my parents place, my head still spinning at what I’d just done, I received a phone call from my Dad; “It’s OK son”, he said.

I was elated! Years of guilt started lifting from my shoulders.

I had begun the next phase of my life as a gay man of thirty something.

I honestly don’t know what I would have done had this opportunity presented itself when I was younger, and in my early twenties; or nineteen for that matter.

I do know that it was important to finally come out to my family and formally introduce the man who was my lover and partner.

I was quite literally getting sick from hiding in the closet and hiding a relationship that was extremely important to me, as Ian wasn’t just some guy that I was occasionally going out with. My entire life was and is to this day revolving around him – we’re partners.

Do we get strange looks or questions? Sure sometimes. But for the most part people are too busy to really concern themselves. For others that we meet it’s often a case of, “Oh well, that’s interesting, looks like it’s been good for both of you.” And still others are down right envious.

In any event, it matters not what they think; what matters is us and our happiness.

Chat rooms can be a good way to meet new guys. Sometimes these virtual meetings and hookups can actually lead to meeting guys in the flesh. I’ve actually made it that far a couple of times. Where things go from there, well, that’s up to you and the guy you happen to meet with.

More often than not though, chat rooms tend to be a good place for a virtual quickie, or a good place to just socialize and chat with someone new about anything or nothing in particular. In my experience and observations, the emphasis tends to be on the virtual quickies and the hunt for virtual quickies.

Timing is everything — I’ve been to chat rooms that are totally crowded and rocking. When I went back a day later — the same room would be totally dead. It all depends on the time of day or night, just how active the chat room will be and where in the world the guys are chatting from.

By the way, most of the dating services that I recommend have chat rooms for their members. The chat rooms tend to be text based chat rooms were it’s one big free for all, with the ability to create a little private room for one-on-one text chats. Some also offer one-on-one video chat services.

One of the things that I’ve noticed lately about the various portals that offer chat rooms is that in order to participate fully or to be able to use the full range of features that the site uses, prospective members are encouraged to upgrade their free chat accounts to a paid account.

In fact, at MSN chat, which had quite a number of gay chat rooms, it doesn’t look like free members can do anything anymore other than lurk in the corner and watch people chat. You hd got to upgrade to a premium chat account which happens to also give you a premium Hotmail account.

One of the reasons that the chat room providers are starting to charge money is to help cut down on the spammers who like to do fly by advertising in chat rooms. Chat rooms tend to be really expensive to run too as they use a lot of bandwidth and processes.

In any event, I’ve been out collecting links to gay chat rooms, which I’ll list here. I’m working on a more comprehensive list or directory of places to chat and I’ll post it to this website when it’s completed.

(For those guys that don’t know, Chat and Forums are two different things. Chat is real time, whilst forums are message boards where the conversation, topic or posts can last for quite some time.)

Short List of A Few Popular Gay Chat Sites & Chat Rooms:

All of these chat sites require registration — some may cost extra for full benefits.

• Discort Gay Chat — Yes, there’s also quite a few gay chats going on here. See my note above…

• Free Chat Now— Yes, there’s lots of gay chats and networking going on here.

• Telegram Gay Chat— Predominately straight chat portal with quite a few gay chat rooms and chat boards.

• Slack Gay Chat — Predominately straight chat portal with quite a few gay chat rooms and chat boards. Look in the Adult and Romance areas for the gay chat rooms…

Also, check out my recommended dating sites for more chat rooms. I should also mention that many of the gay community sites that I feature at my gay links site have chat rooms as well.

Now go and have yourself a bit of fun!

1. Your humor – A must. Guys don’t want to go out with sour-pusses.

2. Condoms and lube. You never know, but it’s best to be prepared. Personally, I try to refrain from sex on the first date, as I’ve found it helpful to make the guy wait – Drive him crazy with anticipation.

3. Wear clean, neat, tidy and appropriate clothes. It’s really amazing just how many guys think they can get away with dirty underwear, shoes that are falling apart, or looking like a construction worker when they go to a really fancy restaurant. Take pride in your appearance.

4. A couple of questions or topics that you can talk about or use as conversation starters or conversation bridges.

5. Breath mints – Keep your breath fresh and pleasant please.

6. Pen & Paper – I rarely go anywhere without these; great for jotting down and exchanging email addresses, phone numbers, Instant Message handles, websites…

7. Emergency money. Long ago, I learned the value of taking change with me for pay phones. If you get in a bind you can call a friend or a relative. Of course if you’ve got a cell phone – even better. Just remember to turn it off so that you’re paying attention to your date and not to all those people who just have to call you. I’ve also found it helpful to carry enough cash to pay for at least my portion of any meal – even if I’ve been told that “it’s on him”.

Wishing you joy and success on your dates,

Let me tell you something; I’m one of those shy guys. But, this is one shy guy who decided that unless he did something about it, he was never going to get laid or have a boyfriend if he didn’t get out there.

Here’s my short list of the things that I have done or used in order to get over shyness, meet interesting guys and have a “successful first date”.

But first, I’ve got to tell you, that I consider every date that I’ve ever gone on a success. Why? For starters, I’m still alive to talk and write about it. And because every date, no matter how lousy or dull was a learning experience and one more date that I DID go on.

The important thing is to get out there and start meeting guys; start making friends and get off the couch or out of your bedroom.

6 Tips for Your Successful First Date

1. Have confidence in yourself, your abilities and that the date will go well.

Guys are attracted to guys who have or exude confidence. Confidence is about knowing who you are, what you want and knowing that you’ll get it.

2. Don’t think of it as a date, think of it as meeting someone interesting, for lunch, dinner, drinks, coffee, or whatever it is you plan to do. By throwing away the “date” label you can get down to just having a pleasant outing with the guy with no “date expectations”.

3. Relax and just be you. Trying to conjure up some sort of false persona is pointless, you might impress yourself for a second or two and maybe even the other guy for a moment; until he figures out its all hype or “bull”.

It’s OK to be you and if the other guy isn’t interested in you it’s no big deal, because there’s thousands and thousands of gay men out there.

4. Arrive a little bit early. I like to arrive at places a little early for a variety of reasons, but I’ve found it a helpful habit if I’m feeling a bit nervous or shy too.

When you’re going out to a restaurant or a coffee shop, if you arrive a bit early you can go to the washroom without deserting your date, compose yourself, fix your hair, wash those sweaty palms and relieve yourself if necessary.

Arriving a little early or exactly on time also means that you won’t be rushed and you won’t be puffing out excuses as to why you were late. It just makes things easier and less stressed initially.

5. Dress for the occasion and location. You don’t need to look like a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy makeover, but if you dress nicely and appropriately for the occasion and the location, you’ll not only look great, you’ll feel great. You’ll be confident that you’re in the right attire for wherever it is you’re going out to.

And now, for my ultimate not-so-secret dating tip for shy guys…

6. Wear your “power underwear” when you go out on a date, especially your first date. If you don’t have a pair of “power underwear”, get some. The idea is to get something that makes you feel incredibly powerful and sexy.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t end up in the sack or on the floor later on in the evening. Power underwear is something that can give the shy guy that extra little edge.

Wishing you joy and dating success!

When viewing hit television shows, it is interesting that the gay male character is never the normalverse, whether it be through on-screen as well as off-screen relationships. Remember the resistance that gay males are met with, their families and peers does nothing to encourage them to fall in love with the partner they perceive them selves to be with. They usually must put up with the humiliation of being bread winners and providers in communities which they perceive themselves to be inferior. Whilst being Labrador to cute and loving pets and attending puppy HAS outings, the straight females are lesbians and have girlfriends for company and in comfort. It might be a comical picture but the gay male is usually left out in relation to the heterosexual dating partner. Lesbian couple is seen as being petite and delightsome and not the strong yet tender gender we perceive the gay male to be at times. Relationships are tiring and hard work and can be a hassle and a challenge and in the end, most daters opt badly for love over the partner that they perceive as being better for them.

Love is what a person must have for itself in order to give it the life to give to another person. Sometimes when the partner you have chosen is not falling for you, it is consideredImproper, and many millions of dollars is paid each year to settle claims out of court or tooodlesome couplewrong couplesout of relationships, where each of them thought that their pile controller was better than relational authority. These people have been exploited and thoroughly miserable. Con artists exploit human sentiments, love, trust, sexual preferences and family values using motives of greed. The burden of emotions like love is lighter for them than for individuals who are lonely or contented with their alternate lives. These people are less likely to engage in risky behaviors related to sexual behaviors and are less likely than heterosexuals to have homeless partners, or to engage in risk taking behaviors that could later lead to death.

It is mandatory that parents, together with a life partner, encourage their children to marry within their own sex and to reject social pressure to have sex with an extra gender. It is also mandatory that each individual family member acknowledge that the decision to have sex must be made by two people who have been interacting for some time and who are comfortable with each other, with the understanding that the couple does not know everything about each other. A child, and a single mother in particular, does not need the pressure from his or her father, or the fear of losing his father’s approval, or the rumors from neighborhood, school, work, and in the temperature of public opinion to convince a decision that is not theirs to make. The child, and the single mother in particular, should be able to speak freely and clearly with each other about the desires of the child and the relationship the couple has…

However, one of the things about online dating services, pick up spots, chat lines and other similar places, is that quite often one is given either complete anonymity or the sense of anonymity.

Being anonymous can be nice, but with it comes an element of risk when it comes to finding dates online.

Personally, I have never had any major problems arise from meeting with guys that I’ve found on the Internet.

One of the reasons for such good fortune is because I’ve always used a pretty selective process in just who I’ll meet. I’ll admit that I haven’t always gone out with great guys as a result but I have been able to eliminate the truly questionable guys.

Lets face it; all sorts of people log onto the Internet and some of those people are just plain creepy to say the least.

I do know people that haven’t been as lucky as me. Fortunately, none of them met with actual violence. They did receive threats though; which was scary enough.

I’ve read a lot of “rules for dating safely” and here’s the problem I have with most of them…They’re mostly one sided.

For instance, it’s a little much to expect a guy to give you their phone number, (home and/or work) so that you can verify their story and existence, if you’re not willing to do the same. A lot of these tips or “rules” tell you to do just that — get their info but don’t give out your’s.

Here’s my general rule of thumb…If you’re not willing to divulge some aspect of your life or a specific about yourself; don’t expect to receive that type of information from the other guy.

The best piece of advice I can give you and one of the few hard and fast “dating safety rules” that I’ll give, is to use your best judgment and exercise some common sense; regardless of how you meet other men.

Other Safety Tips You Might Want To Consider:

• Ask for a recent photo of the guy; if you’ve got questions in your mind ask for photo ID.

A friend of mine was starting to have serious questions about a guy they had been chatting to online…When asked for photo ID, the guy emailed my friend an obviously doctored driver’s license. The friend decided not to meet the guy and the threats started pouring in…

• Agree to meet in a mutually chosen location; one that has a lot of other people around.

• Let someone know that you’re going on a date with someone you’ve just met. Give them, (a friend possibly) the “Who, What, Where, When” details.

• Write the details of your date down on a piece of paper and stick it to your fridge or someplace that people will find if the worst actually happens.

• Try and find out a little about the other guys background or life; that way you can look for any inconsistencies either before or during the actual date.

• Don’t go someplace or do something that you’re not comfortable with.

• Trust your gut instincts! If something feels or sounds fishy; don’t ignore it. Actually, this rule isn’t optional — this is the second hard and fast rule that I’ll give.

Remember, going on a date and meeting guys online is supposed to be fun but be careful out there so that you can keep on having fun meeting neat, interesting and sexy guys.

Any gay college stud has already seen the crowded field of dating sites available from any computer, laptop or mobile phone these days. If you haven’t discovered online dating, do yourself a favor and browse around a bit because it really does simplify a lot of the social requirements as compared to cruising the bar scene, and there aren’t any 21 and over requirements to get into a gay dating site the way there are at local campus pubs. The real question at this point is what makes one gay dating site better than another for your personal use?

1. It really ought to be free to try.

If you reach a site and it starts asking you for money immediately, just go somewhere else. Yes, dating sites do deserve to earn a living just like anyone else providing a service, but all the good ones are free to try or at least give you some kind of limited trial access until you get a chance to decide if they fit your needs. Anyone saying, “give me 50 bucks and then I’ll show you what’s inside” these days isn’t a good option.

2. Inclusive is important.

Some gay dating sites try to be so niche it’s absurd. If you really only want to date one very narrow kind of person, then I guess a site that only caters to “men who wear blue shoes on Wednesdays” might be a halfway decent choice, but dating (especially in your college years) should really be about exploring and opening yourself up to new experiences. That’s why more inclusive dating sites make sense, where you can get to know a variety of men from all different backgrounds, ages, ethnicities and more.

3. Size matters.

Yeah, there are plenty of size queens who think the bulge of your blue jeans is what matters most, but when it comes to gay dating online, the size you really want to focus on is the size of the community you are joining. Why waste your time on some tiny dating site, talking to the same eighteen people, when you can be on a gay dating site, talking to thousands of people in your own local area and millions of people globally?

The sooner you get into a free, inclusive and sizable dating community online, the faster your college gay dating experience will be able to exceed all of your own expectations. If you find great sites worth joining, be sure to contact us and let us know so we can include them in our own upcoming tips for gay men!