AAADD

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....PLEASE READ!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,

and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the

garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where

I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside

so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter

catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that

I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly

spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table..

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote,

but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the

den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

the car isn't washed.

the bills aren't paid.

there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter.

the flowers don't have enough water,

there is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,

I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,

and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it,

but first I'll check my e-mail....

Tut, tut. Not to fret. You'll eventually find that what you owe your grey hairs to also brings a certain mellow attitude toward your To Do list. Everything that must get done will be done, though maybe not right away.

Two snippets of concrete advice:

-- Give up soft drinks. You'll do your figure a lot of good, which will boost your self-esteem, which will ease your anxiety, which will allow you to focus better on what you're doing.

-- Get bifocals. I got sick to death of my reading glasses always being where I wasn't. With gritted teeth I turned to bifocals, overcoming my concern that I might risk looking like Geppetto. My first ones were essentially window glass with a reading lens, a situation that has evolved. I have never regretted the decision, or ever again needed to grope around uncoolly under cushions and on cluttered surfaces for my glasses.

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

Very funny, but who says this has nothing to do with erectile dysfunction? Maybe it's because we spend too much time worrying about a limp dick.