THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,

AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other

-- that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's

empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;

But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

I'm so good at telling lies!

9. I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe 'Go to h*ll.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Okay I sat and agonized over a favorite...

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime.

That would have to be it. All of them were pretty good. I was trying to come up with a little limrick...i am usually pretty good at them or taking Christmas carols and turning them into naughty songs but my brain is dead tonight!

That's my last Duchess painted on the wall.

I've scraped, but cannot get her off at all.

-- Punctured Poems, Richard Armour

come on guys, i can't write poetry, i just know when i see it, and this is not: but give it a try.

i said i loved you, yes i did,

too high a price, i should have bid

we met in dark and then we kissed,

i got the clap, i am pissed

i love your tool, its massive head,

too bad it's old, completely dead.

long or thick, i'll take either,

alas with you, it's always neither.

You make me wish upon a star

That you'll get run over by a car.

A kiss from you makes me quiver,

Why did you have to have the liver?

I think this contest, btw, must be from the style invitational:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/conte...5032501843.html

I used to make this a weekly visit, and even won a few of the silly prizes. Some of the contests are great fun for people who like word games.