Is it morally superior to wish to have one person in a monogamistical relationship to being a butterfly?

 

The Western current ideal ( historically quite recent ) is for true love to blossom - she a virgin and him with a little discreet experience - and to live happily together all their lives in such bliss that the thought of sex with anyone else never enters their consciousness. There is a gay equivalent to this.

 

I accept this ideal but know that it is as rare as hens teeth if not rarer. The general ideal is not for everyone and I have settled down to mini relationships with several boys and occasional forays to bars, beach or wherever. That suits me well and I have no desire for a one to one relationship and I do not feel superior or inferior to those who choose that. I am sure that it is a less expensive route in the long run but that's by the by.

 

I am sure that some with a partner (exclusive or not) feel superior. I wonder why?

 

 

Could it also be that some "butterflies" feel superior?

 

Maybe it is different, not superiority but contentment. I have had the same friend for almost 8 years now. And before that had an exclusive relationship for 18 years (not sure he was exclusive). The time in between these 2 relationships I was very much a "butterfly". For me it was not as satisfying even though I sometimes envy those like Wowpow that are "butterflies". For me it is just that I feel more satisfied. Cetainly not superior. I often feel that the butterflies are more secure in themselves and have greater fun.

I am sure that many feel superior in both choices. I have never been able to do the monogomy thing. I tried in past years with long term boyfriends in NYC but it usually turned into a relationship that was mostly monogomous. I much prefer freedom to do what I want when I want. I also always prefer a relationship built on honesty. That to me is more important than anything. I have never felt one decision is superior to the other as both can be great for the right person or couple.

It was this post by jomtien on the trail about numbers of sexual partners that put the thought into my head - of the possible superiority of monogamists to butterflies. I don't think he was claiming any superiority in the post?

 

"Well, I've lived here about 4 years now and haven't had 15 different partners here yet. Of course, at least one old fart has accused me of having something wrong with me! I suppose it all depends on your primary reasons for moving here. The sex is certainly a plus and in my top 5 reasons, but not my be-all and end-all. There must be a similar freak here somewhere :-)"

 

I wonder where, in peoples top 5, of those who move or holiday here would you place sex? I think mine might be:

 

1) Sex.

 

2) Lots of handsome young men around who are happy to be flirted with and ready to smile if you do. I still have to remind myself to walk around smiling. Maybe this is a subsection to sex?

 

3) Gay acceptance - as soon as I go to any other country I feel the shutters coming down and my straight act coming on. I start looking out for disapproving stares. Here nobody takes a blind bit of notice.

 

4) It's cheap and one can have a very indulgent life without breaking the bank.

 

5) Friends - in the UK all my friends still worked when I was early retired. Here there are lots of gay men with times to spare and ready for a good old chat.

 

Oh - I think this is a good enough subject for a new trail so I'll open one.