OK, it being the beginning of Awards Season and all, to liven things up over the holidays, I'm proposing a "Dumb Ass" contest to find 2013's biggest retard.

To get things started, I nominate the following ijits:

1: Eldo Kim, the Harvard undergrad who closed half the campus with bomb threats e-mailed from his own computer.

http://www.nbcnews.com/technology/failing-grade-alleged-harvard-bomb-hoaxer-needed-more-tor-cover-2D11767028

2: Cody Conner, 17 year old who was talked out of robbing a store when the clerk offered him a job. He filled out the application using his real name.

3: Anonymous Dumbass Words fail me (AS, maybe you can help me out here).

Well, the squeamish bitch is shutting me down for now, but I'm hoping some of you will be able top the above nominees.

How did I miss this guy?

Technically Lee Paige, a Federal DEA agent, is not eligible as this incident occurred in 2012 but I got to thinking, "Who cares? This level of dumbassedness is timeless."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=AmRN00KbCr8

Our hero subsequently sued for improper disclosure of his identity. He lost. He appealed. The court of appeals smacked him again.

http://legaltimes.typepad.com/blt/2012/01/dea-agent-involved-in-self-shooting-loses-appeal-in-dc-circuit.html

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/02/18/brothers-blow-up-house-while-celebrating-lottery-win-with-drugs/

Brothers blow up house while celebrating lottery win with drugs

Published February 18, 2013

FoxNews.com

WICHITA, KAN. – Authorities say two brothers accidentally blew up their house after celebrating a $75,000 winning lottery ticket by purchasing marijuana and meth.

Wichita police Sgt. Bruce Watts said one of the brothers was taken to a hospital and the other to jail after Friday's explosion. The Wichita Eagle reported that the injured 27-year-old brother is in serious but stable condition with second-degree burns on his hands, arms and chest.

Watts said the explosion happened after one of the brothers went to the kitchen to refuel the butane torches they planned to use to light their bongs. The brother emptied a couple large cans of butane lighter fluid, leaking butane into the air.

Eventually, butane vapor reached the pilot light in the furnace, causing the blast.

"The butane vapor reached the pilot light in the furnace, and as you might expect, ka-boom," Watts told the newspaper.

The injured brother was wearing a lottery T-shirt during the explosion. His girlfriend reportedly loaded him and some children into a car and drove him to the emergency room of a nearby hospital, where she dropped him off and left, according to the newspaper.

Murder plot recorded on phone after man butt-dials 911

http://www.miamiherald.com/2013/05/22/3411046/bso-mans-murder-plot-recorded.html

http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/2013-05-22/news/fl-murder-suspect-pocket-dial-20130522_1_joyce-walker-bso-surveillance-video

(Like how I snuck that in? )

Trail of stolen coins led deputies to theft suspect's home

http://m.wpbf.com/news/michael-sherman-trail-of-stolen-coins-led-deputies-to-theft-suspects-home/-/17441430/20173924/-/2wfkd7z/-/index.html

Soy sauce overdose sends man into coma

http://m.livescience.com/37227-man-overdoses-on-soy-sauce.html

Driver crashes into Maryland lake while texting

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Driver-Loses-Control-of-Car-Crashes-Into-Md-Lake-223156571.html

Peeping toms fall through bathroom ceiling

http://m.ajc.com/news/news/local/police-peeping-toms-fall-through-bathroom-ceiling/nXbkH/

This was 2012 but deserves honorable mention.

North Carolina legislature outlaws sea-level rise

http://www.newsobserver.com/2012/08/01/2234915/nc-cant-outlaw-global-climate.html

http://abcnews.go.com/m/story?id=16913782

http://m.motherjones.com/blue-marble/2012/05/north-carolina-wishes-away-climate-change

http://grist.org/list/north-carolina-tries-to-outlaw-sea-level-rise/

http://news.yahoo.com/law-north-carolina-bans-latest-scientific-predictions-sea-165416121--abc-news-topstories.html

So I went to look it up, and got this.

1. dumbass

Someone who looks up the word "dumbass" in a dictionary.

If you don't know what a dumbass is you're really a fucking dumbass.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dumbass

This just verifies that the two wings of the probability distribution do exist -- at least one of them anyway.