Naughty Limericks

[PeterRS]

To brighten the festive mood and get our minds of all those Christmas balls and fairy lights, how about a few naughty limericks? This is an old one with many variations 

There once was a man from Madras

Whose balls were made of brass

In windy weather, the clashed together

And sparks came out of his arse.

[Patanawet]

14 hours ago, PeterRS said:

There once was a man from Madras

Whose balls were made of brass

In windy weather, the clashed together

And sparks came out of his arse.

Ha ha. Only works if you're from 'oop North'.

[thaiophilus]

22 minutes ago, Patanawet said:

Ha ha. Only works if you're from 'oop North'.

Not even then. Never mind Madras, Northern English "brass" and "arse" don't rhyme. The syllable counts are a bit off, too.

Try this:

There was a young man of Devizes

Whose balls were of differing sizes.

One was so small

it was no use at all,

but the other won several prizes.

 

One of my favourites:

There was a youhg lady from Thrace

Whose corsets would no longer lace.

Her mother said "Nelly,

there's more in your belly

than ever went in through your face."

 

 

[tm_nyc]

My favorite:

While Titian was mixing rose madder,

His model reclined on a ladder.

Her position to Titian

Suggested coition.

So he nipped up the ladder and had her.

[PeterRS]

There once was a girl named Jill
Who used a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil.

[PeterRS]

8 hours ago, thaiophilus said:

Not even then. Never mind Madras, Northern English "brass" and "arse" don't rhyme. The syllable counts are a bit off, too.

Don't you realise it's just a bit of fun - not a course in English dialects or syllable counts? You could have added that Madras no longer exists. But fitting Chennai into the limerick doesn't quite work! 

[thaiophilus]

6 hours ago, PeterRS said:

Don't you realise it's just a bit of fun 

No. That's why I didn't post two contributions of my own .

[Patanawet]

What was the limerick oft told by Stephen Fry, e.g. on Q.I. BBC TV about a bouncing choir boy?
Oh yes I've found it:-
"There was a young chaplain from King's
Who talked about God and such things;
But his real desire
Was a boy in the choir
With a bottom like jelly on springs."