AdamSmith

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Monty Python and The Holy Grail Scene 10: The Oral Sects or Sir Gallahad Faces Peril Valiantly [trumpets] NARRATOR:The Tale of Sir Galahad. [boom] [wind] [howl] [howl] [boom] [angels singing] [howl] [boom] [howl] [boom] [pound pound pound] GALAHAD: Open the door! Open the door! [pound pound pound] GALAHAD:In the name of King Arthur, open the door! [creak] [thump] [creak] [boom] GIRLS: Hello! ZOOT: Welcome, gentle Sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax. GALAHAD: The Castle Anthrax? ZOOT: Yes. Oh, it's not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice and we will attend to your every, every need! GALAHAD: You are the keepers of the Holy Grail? ZOOT: The what? GALAHAD: The Grail. It is here. ZOOT: Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile. Midget! Crapper! MIDGET and CRAPPER: Yes, O Zoot? ZOOT: Prepare a bed for our guest. MIDGET and CRAPPER: Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!... ZOOT: Away! Away, varletesses. The beds here are warm and soft and very, very big. GALAHAD: Well, look, I-- I, uh-- ZOOT: What is your name, handsome knight? GALAHAD: 'Sir Galahad... the Chaste'. ZOOT: Mine is 'Zoot'. Just 'Zoot'. Oh, but come. GALAHAD: Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail! ZOOT: Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious. GALAHAD: No, look. I have seen it! It is here in this-- ZOOT: Sir Galahad! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality. GALAHAD: Well, I-- I, uh-- ZOOT: Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, knitting exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights. Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded! GALAHAD: No, no. It's-- it's nothing. ZOOT: Oh, you must see the doctors immediately! No, no, please! Lie down. [clap clap] PIGLET: Well, what seems to be the trouble? GALAHAD: They're doctors?! ZOOT: Uh, they... have a basic medical training, yes. GALAHAD: B-- but-- ZOOT: Oh, come. Come. You must try to rest. Doctor Piglet! Doctor Winston! Practise your art. WINSTON: Try to relax. GALAHAD: Are you sure that's absolutely necessary? PIGLET: We must examine you. GALAHAD: There's nothing wrong with that! PIGLET: Please. We are doctors. GALAHAD: Look! This cannot be. I am sworn to chastity. PIGLET: Back to your bed! At once! GALAHAD: Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail! PIGLET: There's no grail here. GALAHAD: I have seen it! I have seen it! [clank] I have seen-- GIRLS: Hello. GALAHAD: Oh. GIRLS: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. GALAHAD: Zoot! DINGO: No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo. GALAHAD: Oh, well, excuse me, I-- DINGO: Where are you going? GALAHAD: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle! DINGO: Oh, no. Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot! GALAHAD: Well, what is it? DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I have just remembered, is grail-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem. GALAHAD: It's not the real Grail? DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! She is a bad person and must pay the penalty! Do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worried when the boys were writing it, but now, we're glad. It's better than some of the previous scenes, I think. LEFT HEAD: At least ours was better visually. DENNIS: Well, at least ours was committed. It wasn't just a string of pussy jokes. OLD MAN: Get on with it. TIM THE ENCHANTER: Yes, get on with it! ARMY OF KNIGHTS: Yes, get on with it! DINGO: Oh, I am enjoying this scene. GOD: Get on with it! DINGO: [sigh] [clunk] Oh, wicked, wicked Zoot. Oh, she is a naughty person and she must pay the penalty, and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon: you must tie her down on a bed and spank her. GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking! DINGO: You must spank her well, and after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like, and then, spank me. AMAZING: And spank me. STUNNER: And me. LOVELY: And me. DINGO: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking! GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking! There is going to be a spanking tonight! DINGO: And after the spanking, the oral sex. GIRLS: The oral sex! The oral sex! GALAHAD: Well, I could stay a bit longer. LANCELOT: Sir Galahad! GALAHAD: Oh, hello. LANCELOT: Quick! GALAHAD: What? LANCELOT: Quick! GALAHAD: Why? LANCELOT: You are in great peril! DINGO: No, he isn't. LANCELOT: Silence, foul temptress! GALAHAD: You know, she's got a point. LANCELOT: Come on! We will cover your escape! GALAHAD: Look, I'm fine! LANCELOT: Come on! GIRLS: Sir Galahad! GALAHAD: No. Look, I can tackle this lot single-handed! DINGO: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed! GIRLS: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed! LANCELOT: No, Sir Galahad. Come on! GALAHAD: No! Really! Honestly, I can cope. I can handle this lot easily. DINGO: Oh, yes. Let him handle us easily. GIRLS: Yes. Let him handle us easily. LANCELOT: No. Quick! Quick! GALAHAD: Please! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred-and-fifty of them! DINGO: Yes! Yes, he will beat us easily! We haven't a chance. GIRLS: We haven't a chance. He will beat us easily... [boom] DINGO: Oh, shit. LANCELOT: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril. GALAHAD: I don't think I was. LANCELOT: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril. GALAHAD: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril. LANCELOT: No, it's too perilous. GALAHAD: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can. LANCELOT: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on! GALAHAD: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril? LANCELOT: No. It's unhealthy. GALAHAD: I bet you're gay. LANCELOT: No, I'm not. Narrative Interlude NARRATOR: Sir Lancelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost certain temptation, but they were still no nearer the Grail. Meanwhile, King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden swallows' flights away-- four, really, if they had a coconut on a line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking and dragging-- CROWD: Get on with it! NARRATOR: Oh, anyway. On to scene twenty-four, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting, in which Arthur discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, although I think you can hear a starling-- oooh! Holy Grail Scripts http://montypython.50webs.com/scripts/Holy_Grail/Scene10.htm

January 24, 2015 -- Winston Churchill, who died 50 years ago today, once said, “For my part, I consider that it will be found much better by all parties to leave the past to history, especially as I propose to write that history myself.” Mission accomplished. 1. "I like pigs. Cats look down on you; dogs look up to you; but pigs treat you like an equal." —Recounted by Churchill’s former secretary Anthony Montague Browne. * 2. "We have not journeyed all this way across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy." —To the Canadian House of Commons, December 30 1941 * 3. "History with its flickering lamp stumbles along the trail of the past, trying to reconstruct its scenes, to revive its echoes, and kindle with pale gleams the passion of former days." —To the House of Commons, November 12, 1940 * 4. "t has been said that democracy is the worst form of Government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time." —To the House of Commons, November 11, 1947 * 5. "If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time." —Advice to the Prince of Wales, future king Edward VIII 1919 * 6. "For myself, I am an optimist—it does not seem to be much use being anything else." —Speech at the Lord Mayor's banquet in London, November 9, 1954 * 7. "Now we have 'adequacy.' What is adequacy? Adequacy is no standard at all. It is simply what His Majesty's Ministers at any given moment, surveying what they have got, choose to say is adequate." —To the House of Commons, November 17, 1938 * 8. "Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense." —To Harrow School, October 29, 1941 * 9. "It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link in the chain of destiny can be handled at a time." —To the House of Commons, February 27, 1945 * 10. "In the course of my life I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet." —Recounted by Lord Norman Brook in Working with Churchill http://mentalfloss.com/article/61268/10-winston-churchills-best-quotes

12 Predictions for the Year 2000 from a 19th-Century German Chocolate Company Hannah Keyser Image credit: Wikimedia Commons Right around the same time that French postcards were predicting lots of aerial and aquatic activities in the year 2000 as part of the 1900 Paris World's Fair, a German chocolate company decided to get in on the future-telling business with a crafty marketing campaign. For a short time, Theodore Hildebrand and Son chocolate company slipped colorful cards depicting theoretical life in the year 2000 into boxes of their sweets. Altogether, 12 such cards were produced, predicting how a range of activities would get upgraded for the 21st Century. 1. Police with X-Ray It's unclear from the picture how an x-ray camera of sorts would factor into crime-fighting. With both the legal and moral high ground, couldn't the police apprehend the criminals face-to-face? Weigh in below if you can make sense of it. 2. Flying Machines What's a vision of the future without some personal flying machines? This card features several different options that all look heinously unsafe. Is that little girl even wearing a seat belt?! 3. Movable Houses Alright, this one is just all wrong. They're still using horse-drawn buggies and steam engines, having focused all the attention and effort of their technological advancements on building portable rowhouses. 4. Airships More air travel. And fashion stuck in the 1800s. 5. Undersea Ships Perhaps even more tantalizing than the leisure submarine patrolling the ocean floor are the sea bike, sea surrey, and sea wheeled-recliner above. 6. North Pole Trip It's true that air travel has made vacationing in remote locations possible and even popular. But I haven't noticed a lot of hot air balloon jaunts to the North Pole showing up on hip destination lists. 7. Water Walk The genius here isn't the water-wheel unicycle or the shoe-canoes—it's the artistic, elegant, and tech-free individual hot air balloons that keep water-waders upright. Even the horse has one! 8. Ship Railway So many questions. How is this better than a normal ship? Is it limited to shallow waters? WHY IS IT ON FIRE?! 9. Roofed City This one seems like a great idea until you remember things like, you know, drought. 10. Theater Things happening in one place will be able to be captured and viewed in an entirely different location in real time? Yup. 11. Moving Sidewalks Scattered throughout the airport, these human conveyor belts are a delightful respite that make you feel like you have super-speed compared to the people on still ground. But in crowded cities? Now that just sounds dangerous. 12. Good Weather Machine Yes. Get on this, scientists. http://mentalfloss.com/article/57835/12-predictions-year-2000-19th-century-german-chocolate-company

Also because, lacking a grail-shaped beacon, it's the best we can do to call out in the darkness to our hito.

And a honey pot would be ineffective.

Very neat. Who was Chaucer? From the foul-mouthed Miller to the prim Prioress, only Chaucer could have dreamed up a group as diverse as the Canterbury pilgrims. But how much do we know about the founding father of English letters? http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/jan/24/who-was-chaucer-canterbury-tales

Cajuns, at that. Might have known.

Never heard of it til those pics. One hopes not. PS But apparently it is real: http://wgno.com/2014/05/19/johnny-sansones-recipe-for-white-beans-and-cabbage/

Hah! And just noticed your note re the joint being way out in Mudville. What a picture.

Like when Rhoda redecorated Lou Grant's living room in all white!

LIKE!!! Those furniture covers will preserve it for seventy times seven years.

We want to see His snickersnee!

I feel the same way.