AdamSmith

People seem to think it might not be the best idea for me to be any more funny.

I think he used to be a bit funnier than he has been in recent years. Never all that much in any event, but from things like the above you can see the potential humor in his concepts if he would work a little harder to develop them.

We've seen this before but wayout's hilarious post just cried out for it again.

HUZZAH 11.08.14 The GOP Senate: A New Utopia Dawns By P.J. O'Rourke Happy times are here again! Republicans have won the Senate, and they surely won’t screw it up this time. Right? Like all good Republicans, I’m so happy I could frack the moon. I could drone strike the Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act, I’m flying that high. I’m feeling good enough to lay 1,179 miles of pipe with my honey-bunny Keystone XL. And now that the GOP has bedded the House and the Senate, she is, ahem, about to come – delivering crude oil from Canada to the Gulf Coast and all the wetlands, wilderness areas, and sensitive eco-systems in between. And that’s just the beginning of the wonderful events that are about to transpire. This is more exciting than the Newt Gingrich congressional triumph of 1994. Obama is a bigger sitting duck than Clinton. And Obama is a lame duck too. No Democratic Senate or House candidate was sitting in the voter blind with Hope and Change decoys on the electoral pond calling, “Barack! Barack! Barack!” Even the Dems ducked Obama. Extraordinary things occurred the last time Republicans took legislative power away from a liberal quack. To sum those things up in just two words, which still stir the heart of every right-thinking member of the Grand Old Party: Monica Lewinsky. Was that fun or what? And there was the Contract with America, with its balanced budget and term limits Constitutional Amendments and its Personal Responsibility Act to discourage having children out of wedlock. In 1993, 27 percent of American children were illegitimate. Now it’s, um, about 40 percent. But, come on, what kind of self-respecting Republican writes a contract that he can’t wiggle out of with the help of lawyers? And practically everyone in Congress is one. Anyway, President Obama is going to have to change his style of governing. Maybe just nine holes of golf after an American ISIS hostage is beheaded. Maybe showing some spine with Putin by renaming the mixture of mayonnaise and ketchup that goes on salads and Reuben sandwiches “Liberty Dressing.” Maybe giving Deborah K. Jones, our Ambassador to Libya, a 9mm SIG Sauer and a pair of nunchucks. Some other suggestions for the President, if he wants to get off on the “right” foot with the 114th Congress: Buy an Obama family vacation time-share in an East Jerusalem Israeli settler condo to help repair relations with Bibi Netanyahu. Have the IRS take a peek up the skirts of Emily’s List. Trade Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl back to the Taliban, preferably for a Washington Redskins QB who’s less injury-prone. Of course the Republicans will have to make compromises too. We had our own set-backs on Tuesday night, particularly here in my home state of New Hampshire -- or New Hamster as we now call it, due to a Massachusetts invasive sub-species of Order Rodentia known as Massholes. The males wear socks with sandals. The females make their own jewelry. And they didn’t even turn out for their old friend Scott Brown. May they all stand in a puddle and stick their tongues in a Prius charge port. And NH Second District Democratic congresswoman Annie Kuster failed to have a Last Stand against opponent Marilinda Garcia despite the willingness of the Tea Party to dress up as Indians and dump Annie in Boston Harbor where she belongs. Actually, Brown lost the Senate race to Democrat incumbent Jean Shaheen because Scott once posed nude for Cosmo. “Naked male Republican” is not a thought anyone, Republicans included, wants in his or her mind, even if this particular one happens to be buff. Most of the Republicans America just elected ain’t. And I’m glad of it. We’re seeing more of the old-fashioned establishment-type Republicans who keep their pants and pantyhose on. And who don’t get them in a wad over every little piece of legislation. The 114th Congress is not going to be full of people who, every time a bill is brought to a vote, have to go dig up the grave of James Madison and ask Jim if the bill is Constitutional. We Republicans are beginning to understand that gay marriage, abortion, and drug legalization aren’t issues any more. Constitutional Amendment against gay marriages? What’s with that? Constitutional Amendment against first marriages. Now we’re talking. There’s an easy fix to the abortion debate. Don’t make it legal. Don’t make it illegal. Make it retroactive. Kid gets to 18? And he’s still a bum? Whack. And I had something deep and profound to say about drug legalization too, but the bong went out. A lot of us Republicans are having trouble getting the leaf blower started. I foresee a “clear path” to bipartisan immigration reform. “Operation Fast and Furious” continues to rankle some Republicans. But the President could easily reposition it as a friendly “pro-gun rights” gesture by outgoing Attorney General Eric Holder. Obamacare won’t be overturned. No broad-based federal entitlement program has ever been eliminated. Free cat food breeds kittens. But Obamacare can be modified to be more acceptable to Republicans. No-fee Levitra for all white males over fifty. Who says Republicans are deaf to the needs of women? The President made some initial errors in his handling of the Ebola crisis. But I’m sure an address to a joint session of Congress, with the President presenting sound scientific evidence that Ebola is not spread by “dark money,” would get the two parties seeing eye-to-eye on the subject. And in the matter of foreign policy the President has already met the Republicans more than half-way. Indeed, he is pursuing exactly the same foreign policy in the Middle East that Republicans were pursuing when we were in the White House – rendering everything in the region FUBAR. I look forward to a golden sunset for the Obama years, a peaceful twilight of across-the-aisle cooperation and mutual respect and esteem from the Noble Capital at one end of Pennsylvania Avenue to the People’s House at the other. And then... It’s a short, smooth, brightly lit stroll to the Oval Office for some towering figure of a Republican Party presidential candidate to be decided later. Perhaps it will be newly elected Texas Land Commissioner George P. Bush. And 2014 showed the way. Never mind that young people, women, Hispanics, and blacks forgot to vote. In two years those young people will have done a lot of growing up. What happens when you’re a grown-up? You vote for someone named Bush. Women will probably forget to vote again. You know how forgetful women are. “Did I lose an earring?” “Where’s my purse?” “I could have sworn I left the car keys right here.” And Republican policies for robust job growth and business opportunity will have moved Hispanics and blacks to the top of the socio-economic ladder. Once you get an in-ground poll, you’re a good Republican. Anyway, this good Republican can dream, can’t he? http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/11/08/the-gop-senate-a-new-utopia-dawns.html

“Speak, sweete bird, I know not where thou art.” This Nicholas anon let fly a fart, As great as it had been a thunder dent*; *peal, clap That with the stroke he was well nigh y-blent*; *blinded But he was ready with his iron hot, And Nicholas amid the erse he smote. Off went the skin an handbreadth all about. The hote culter burned so his tout*, *breech That for the smart he weened* he would die; *thought As he were wood*, for woe he gan to cry, *mad “Help! water, water, help for Godde’s heart!”

Where that red nose came from.

Ye ryght werthie olde wyrde! And also the Sarazines bryngen forthe no pigges, nor thei eten no swynes flessche: for thei seye, it is brother to man, and it was forboden be the olde lawe: and thei holden hem alle accursed that eten there of. The Voyages and Travels of Sir John Mandeville Sarazines bryngen forthe no pigges, nor thei eten no swynes flessche: for thei seye, it is brother to man, and it was forboden be the olde lawe: and thei holden hem alle accursed that eten there of. The Principal Navigations, Voyages, Traffiques and Discoveries of the English Nation And thei seye, that wee synne dedly, in etynge of bestes, that weren forboden in the Old The Principal Navigations, Voyages, Traffiques and Discoveries of the English Nation In this is forboden all spousebreche [with] bodely dede or goostly/& all wylfull polucõns or prouokynge to [the] same. A Ryght Profytable Treatyse Compendiously Drawen Out Of Many and Dyvers Wrytynges Of Holy Men In this is not only forboden the dede doyng but also the desyre & wyll of herte. A Ryght Profytable Treatyse Compendiously Drawen Out Of Many and Dyvers Wrytynges Of Holy Men In which is forboden all heresyes/forsweryng of all mysmenyng/vnworshyp of god/tak [yn] ge his name î vayn & other. A Ryght Profytable Treatyse Compendiously Drawen Out Of Many and Dyvers Wrytynges Of Holy Men And fals freres forboden · the fayre ladis chaumbres; 16 Early English Meals and Manners And thei seye, that wee synne dedly, in etynge of bestes, that weren forboden in the Old Testament, and of the olde lawe; as swyn, hares, and othere bestes, that chewen not here code. The Principal Navigations, Voyages, Traffiques and Discoveries of the English Nation — Volume 08 Asia, Part I

Too much, mon. http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/timstanley/100240700/did-you-know-its-legal-to-smoke-weed-in-north-korea-dude-suddenly-it-all-makes-sense/ http://www.vice.com/read/north-korea-is-stoned-all-the-time-which-explains-a-lot http://www.thebohemianblog.com/2013/09/on-smoking-weed-in-north-korea.html

Not in the least. Education is the duty of all. Thought you might at base enjoy the sly recoloration of key letters: A D T = adenosine triphosphate, critical to the cell's Krebs cycle whereby energy is released. => amphetamine => as the emoji would have it.

Now see here! Don't you know that apologies are what are strictly verboten on this site? Not to mention their being a social faux pas, reminding both parties all over again of the original discomfort. Vita sine paenitentia!

Joke on Linkletter's relentlessly upbeat, energetic radio then TV show 'House Party.' Iconic 'Kids Say the Darnedest Things' was one of its recurring segments. Etc.

Not a joke at all if you have one! How to Stop Stinky Dog Farts Urgh! What's that smell? Did it just come out of the dog? Gross! We've been blaming rotten smells on the dog for many years, but what can you do if you've got a legitimate problem with dog farts? Cont. at: http://www.petguide.com/health/dog/how-to-stop-stinky-dog-farts/

Notable indeed that the Boston Globe had endorsed Coakley's opponent, Charlie Baker. Also an interesting reminder that there are, at minimum, enough sensible Republicans left in the country for one to fill the Massachusetts governor's chair every few years. editorial | endorsement Charlie Baker for governor To move Mass. forward, state government must work better | October 26, 2014 This year’s race for governor unfolds beneath mostly sunny skies. In the last eight years, Massachusetts withstood a brutal recession far better than most states did. It came through a terrorist bombing more unified than it had been. Greater Boston’s innovation economy is thriving, and a construction boom is reshaping the skyline. In the major-party candidates — Republican Charlie Baker and Democrat Martha Coakley — voters are lucky to have two experienced, trustworthy public servants who can capably govern a state whose schools and hospitals are the envy of the nation. Three independent candidates offer voters a breadth of additional choices, and their presence on the ballot testifies to the vitality of the political culture in Massachusetts. Not all is entirely well in the Commonwealth, though. In cities and towns far removed from the shiny new towers of Cambridge’s Kendall Square or Boston’s Seaport District, the economic picture looks much dimmer. Meanwhile, cracks are showing in the edifice of state government itself. The Department of Children and Families, the Probation Department, the state crime lab, the board that regulates compounding pharmacies, the state Labor Department’s unemployment system, the Health Connector website — voters have come to know all these terms as shorthand for the kind of bureaucratic failures that make them doubt state government’s ability to help Massachusetts move forward. Effective activist government isn’t built on good intentions. To provide consistently good results, especially for the state’s most vulnerable and troubled residents, agencies need to focus on outcomes, learn from their errors, and preserve and replicate approaches that succeed. Baker, a former health care executive, has made a career of doing just that. During this campaign, he has focused principally on making state government work better. The emphasis is warranted. And in that spirit, the Globe endorses Charlie Baker for governor. Baker splits from the national Republican Party on social issues such as abortion rights and same-sex marriage. The commitment he expresses to avoid raising taxes shouldn’t be mistaken for an allergy to the public sector; Baker spent the formative years of his career deep in the weeds of government — first as secretary of health and human services under Governor William Weld and then secretary of administration and finance under Weld and Governor Paul Cellucci. In those years, he learned how agencies work (or don’t) and how budgets are balanced (or not). Subsequently, Baker led the turnaround of the once-troubled Harvard Pilgrim Health Care. It wasn’t a one-man operation. It involved some help from state officials, and some employees lost their jobs. But the overall outcome was beneficial: Despite difficult circumstances, an insurer that was near financial ruin became known as a top performer in its industry. The pitfalls that lurk in state government won’t be so readily fixed by a new CEO’s ministrations, but Baker’s guiding focus on customer outcomes was the right one — and hints at how he would handle the governor’s job. The current gubernatorial contest also unfolds in the shadow of Deval Patrick, one of the more rhetorically gifted political leaders in recent Massachusetts history. A former US assistant attorney general and corporate lawyer, Patrick surprised the political establishment in 2006 and won the Democratic nomination and general election easily. Four years ago, he defeated Baker handily to win reelection. In both cases, Patrick’s stirring, inclusive message won over reform-minded, business-friendly voters as well as grass-roots progressives. That combination helped Patrick secure long-elusive reforms in public pensions and health care for municipal employees. It yielded a push for investments in renewable energy and the life sciences, and for an overhaul of the transportation bureaucracy, later accompanied by much-needed new funding. Martha Coakley, the current attorney general, suggests she would follow a similar path — with less pizzazz than Patrick, to be sure, but with a more methodical approach. Her record shows both empathy and foresight: She was at the forefront of challenging the federal Defense of Marriage Act, and she has steadfastly sought a legally defensible manner to protect women’s ability to seek abortion services without harassment. Recent criticism from Baker notwithstanding, she rightly declined to settle a lawsuit brought by the group Children’s Rights, because she understood that doing so would have incurred legal fees better spent on improving services. Her office has been closely monitoring health care costs for years, an effort that culminated this year in an agreement with Partners HealthCare, the state’s largest and most powerful health provider. That deal would allow a controversial takeover of South Shore Hospital to go forward, in exchange for Partners’ submitting to limits, across its entire system, on its ability to raise prices. Partners’ competitors are deeply skeptical; quite tellingly, Coakley appears confident the state can muster the economic, medical, and regulatory brain power to monitor pricing and hold down costs in the complex health care industry for years into the future. Indeed, voters who believe that, by and large, the state government handles most public policy matters well — that it needs improvements here and there but not an overall course correction — can feel confident in choosing Coakley over Baker. Her assessment of the status quo is fundamentally upbeat, and she’s grown increasingly effective at communicating that view. In recent weeks, the side of Martha Coakley known mostly to her inner circle — warm, funny, happy to engage on the minutiae of public issues — has come into greater evidence. Still, Coakley’s campaign up to now suggests an odd reluctance to seize the initiative. Even as a prohibitive favorite during the Democratic primary contest, she was unwilling to spell out an issue agenda — raising the possibility that, if she is elected, the public discussion might drift toward whichever priorities legislative leaders decided to emphasize. For instance, lawmakers seem to have cooled lately on education reform. Coakley’s positions in this area, such as on raising the cap on the number of charter schools in the state, appear to be a work in progress. Baker would provide full-throated support for the kind of high standards, accountability, and innovation that will give all children in Massachusetts the opportunities they deserve. A Baker governorship may have its awkward moments. Aware of his hard-charging reputation — and of criticism that his 2010 campaign was too angry — the Republican nominee has sought to project a more relaxed image this year. Still, a certain testiness shows through at times. And Baker’s effort to soften the edges backfired recently, when he called a female reporter “sweetheart” in a misplaced stab at chumminess. Voters dissatisfied with the personalities or issue positions of the Democratic and Republican nominees may look instead to the independent candidates. One of them, Scott Lively, is a religious crusader who is disengaged from the realities of public policy making. More interesting are Evan Falchuk and Jeff McCormick, both of whom used to vote in Republican primaries; today, their independent candidacies speak to the GOP’s broader difficulty competing in Massachusetts. Falchuk is energetic and charismatic, and his cause extends beyond his own candidacy; he hopes to reach 3 percent of the vote so that his fledgling United Independent Party can field candidates for other offices. The implication is that, if the state Republican Party can’t reliably compete with the dominant Democrats, maybe a more centrist party could. Still, it’s a long shot, and some of the most vexing problems that Falchuk identifies in Massachusetts — such as the difficulty of getting new housing built in towns whose residents fear taking on more schoolchildren — are utterly unconnected to any partisan identity. McCormick, meanwhile, is an accomplished businessman with nuanced views on policy matters, but he’s been unable to gain much traction. Neither Falchuk nor McCormick has the depth of experience in public leadership that Baker and Coakley both offer, and neither has provided a clear picture of how he might succeed on Beacon Hill. One needn’t agree with every last one of Baker’s views to conclude that, at this time, the Republican nominee would provide the best counterpoint to the instincts of an overwhelmingly Democratic Legislature. His candidacy opens up the possibility of creative tension. Facing veto-proof Democratic majorities in both houses, Baker would have no choice but to work constructively with the Legislature. Likewise, the Legislature would have to engage with Baker’s initiatives. Perhaps ironically, in light of their differing partisan affiliations, Baker’s candidacy offers an opportunity to consolidate some of the advances made during the administration of Deval Patrick. Baker could be counted on to preserve and extend educational reforms, to ensure the rigorous administration of new funds for transportation, to knowledgeably oversee the cost-containment law now reshaping the state’s signature health care industry. At a difficult inflection point in state government, Massachusetts needs a governor who’s focused on steady management and demonstrable results. http://www.bostonglobe.com/opinion/editorials/2014/10/26/charlie-baker-for-governor/r4Yymw55jVr20D53EhUIkK/story.html

La Coakley screws the pooch again, this time in the Mass. governor's race. Peek at a tiny bit of the reason why... Martha Coakley Poured the Worst Beer Ever By Doug Saffir Boston.com Staff November 4, 2014 1:12 PM Oh, Martha. We get it. It’s the night before the election. There’s a governorship on the line. You need to find a way to connect with voters on a human level. So naturally, you head down to Dorchester’s Eire Pub, talk to the regulars, and start pouring a few beers. What could possibly go wrong? Well, when you’re a politician and not an actual bartender, everything can go wrong. When you’re Martha Coakley, everything can go wrong in just six seconds. https://mtc.cdn.vine.co/r/videos/616D7AA3E31141248085771636736_3ee45a637fa.0.1.2835388261031967844.mp4?versionId=7tHV.sbKxLhOogho2kgDWlf3Lmas_6Rs That’s precisely the amount of time it took for WCVB reporter John Atwater to capture a Vine of Coakley pouring the worst beer ever. Why is it the worst beer ever? Well, for starters, it’s a Bud Light. (There are, of course, those who actually like Bud Light—on ice.) Coakley isn’t doing anyone any favors by pouring them a Bud Light. That’s the beer people drink when the alternative is drinking nothing. Worse still, she’s pouring a Bud Light when Sam Adams and Long Trail are also on tap. Even if the customer ordered a Bud Light, shouldn’t a politician running for governor of Massachusetts offer a better-tasting, locally-brewed alternative? (Or, perhaps she didn’t want to be the typical, overbearing liberal nanny-stater and decided to let someone decide for themselves, for once. Perhaps.) Coakley reaches across the bar to hand the patron—state senator Linda Dorcena Forry, whose taste for beer is now in question—a glass of beer. Actually, it’s half a glass of beer. The other half is foam. If half your pint glass is filled with foam, your bartender is doing something wrong. Hand the glass back. Of course, this was for a photo op, so Forry accepted the “Coak-tail.” But Coakley wasn’t quite done yet. She dunked her pinky into the beer, wiggled it around a bit, and then shook it off behind the bar. Thanks, Martha. Now Forry is stuck with a foamy Bud Light that tastes like your hand. She’d probably rather drink a cup of dirty water. http://www.boston.com/news/politics/2014/11/04/martha-coakley-poured-the-worst-beer-ever/WI40hh3ycDa5z1qjUp1RDJ/story.html?p1=Topofpage:Carousel_sub_headline