AdamSmith

While we await the final word from Hoover, the Internets when thus queried suggest the Brits have no exact equivalent, their scone or possibly bun or roll being closest. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=1006032807640 http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091129125918AACrcXh

Sports Journalist Told To Write Some Slop About Baseball Healing Boston News in Brief • Local • news media • sports culture • ISSUE 49•44 • Oct 29, 2013 BOSTON—Ahead of Wednesday’s potential World Series–clinching Game 6 matchup between the Red Sox and Cardinals, sources confirmed that Los Angeles Times sports editor Sam Poyet instructed journalist Ross Martinez to quickly throw together some slop about baseball helping the city of Boston heal from this year’s tragic marathon bombings. “Just shit out like six or seven hundred words’ worth of melodramatic sludge about how the whole city has been galvanized by their team and how baseball offers a way for Bostonians to slowly move on from tragedy,” said Poyet, adding that Martinez should definitely churn out a couple paragraphs of muck contrasting the overwhelming terror pervading Boston during the aftermath of the bombings to the especially emotional and impassioned atmosphere at Fenway Park this season. “Don’t forget to mention the ‘Boston Strong’ rallying cry, the club’s tributes to victims during each game, and how this is all about much more than just baseball. And, I don’t know, a little section about the players saying some heartwarming gunk about how much this means to the people of Boston. Then maybe round off the whole sentimental garbage heap with something about how no matter what, the day will never be forgotten. Oh, and something where you use the phrase ‘the wounded heart of a proud city.’ Just throw it all in the trough; they’ll eat it up.” Poyet added that the giant mound of histrionic, exploitative glop should probably start off with the sentence, “The morning of April 15, 2013 wasn’t much different from any other in downtown Boston.” http://www.theonion.com/articles/sports-journalist-told-to-write-some-slop-about-ba,34381/

New Antidepressant Makes Friends’ Problems Seem Worse News in Brief • Science & Technology • health • medicine • healthcare • ISSUE 50•01 • Jan 2, 2014 INDIANAPOLIS—Offering a promising new treatment for those suffering from depression, pharmaceutical manufacturer Eli Lilly introduced a new antidepressant Wednesday that causes patients to perceive their friends’ problems as far worse than their own. “After just a single dose, clinical trial participants’ moods improved dramatically as they began to believe that each of their close friends was struggling with serious financial, professional, familial, and medical issues,” said drug developer Eugenio Risso, explaining that 9 out of 10 subjects reported markedly lower levels of pessimism, self-doubt, and generalized unhappiness after they began to sense that those around them were on the verge of full-scale emotional breakdowns. “This drug allows depressed patients to concentrate exclusively on their friends’ troubles and mentally magnify them, enabling them to, for example, construe an insignificant argument between a couple they know as a sign that these individuals are in the middle of a catastrophic marital crisis. And we found that that thought alone is enough to improve the subject’s mood for a week or longer.” Risso warned that patients must not exceed recommended dosages of the drug, as extreme magnification of former classmates’ and coworkers’ misery was found to produce an overwhelming and highly addictive sense of euphoria. http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-antidepressant-makes-friends-problems-seem-wor,34851/

New Forced-Retirement Community Opens For Local 60-Year-Olds News in Brief • Local • senior citizens • healthcare • ISSUE 50•01 • Jan 4, 2014 TAMPA, FL—Offering a “safe and friendly environment” for newly jobless older residents, the Pine Meadows Forced-Retirement Community opened its doors Friday to local 60-year-olds who have been hastily ousted from their workplaces by downsizing. “We here at Pine Meadows are proud to welcome all of you who aren’t quite in your golden years, but who nevertheless have no choice but to accept that your productive days are suddenly a thing of the past,” said facility director Phil Garsten at the grand opening, noting that the community offers a variety of residence and meal packages at price ranges to suit any substandard severance package. “Our facility offers satellite television, fully equipped game and exercise rooms, nightly social activities, and dozens of other entertaining diversions from the ignominious disgrace you’ve suffered after decades of thankless service to your former employer. And our attentive staff is ready around the clock to listen to you try to make sense of how things could have ended up like this.” Garsten added that the facility also features its own replica office environment, where residents can perform basic work tasks during the day to make them feel as if their lives still retain some semblance of purpose. http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-forcedretirement-community-opens-for-local-60y,34862/

Despite Scandals, Nation's Crime Labs Have Seen Little Change by Deborah Becker January 03, 2014 10:42 AM NPR The nation's crime labs are no strangers to scandal. Last year in Massachusetts, bogus testing by former chemist Annie Dookhan called into question tens of thousands of cases and led to the release of more than 300 people from the state's prisons. There are currently no uniform standards or regulations for forensic labs. Congress could take up legislation this year to improve oversight, but critics are skeptical. Scrutinizing The Analysts Dookhan was sent to prison in November for falsifying drug tests, but many of the criminal cases affected by her misconduct are still in limbo. "We're basically in this holding pattern where we keep waiting," says Boston defense attorney Todd Pomerleau, who represents about two dozen people convicted based on Dookhan's tests. "We've been waiting for the proverbial day in court." When the scandal broke in August 2012, those incarcerated based on evidence Dookhan had tested did have a day in court. Many were identified immediately, and had their sentences stayed. More than 3,200 "drug lab" court hearings have been held. Matt Segal, legal director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Massachusetts, is looking at legal ways to try to get the state to deal with the affected cases more quickly. "The state has already spent hundreds of millions of dollars on this scandal, and what have we gotten for that expenditure? The answer is almost nothing," Segal says. "Certainly hasn't been justice; it hasn't been a better approach on the drug war." Prosecutors say they're waiting for a court ruling on how to deal with all of the affected cases, and an investigation into all lab operations. Massachusetts has the nation's largest lab scandal, so defense attorneys there are now more likely to question forensic testing, says Pomerleau, and to scrutinize the analyst involved — especially because Dookhan was convicted of lying about her credentials. "She's testifying under oath apparently that she had a master's degree, and the Commonwealth couldn't even confirm whether she went to the school?" Pomerleau says. "I require my interns to show me a transcript, and apparently the lab had different protocols in place for employment." In fact, there are no national regulations governing forensic analysts' credentials, and no uniform standards for the labs themselves. And there is more than one group that accredits labs. 'An Ethical Issue' The nonprofit that accredits most of the crime labs in the U.S. is the American Society of Crime Laboratory Directors/Laboratory Accreditation Board (ASCLD/LAB). Its chief operations officer, John Neuner, says that accreditation can only go so far, and that the issue in Massachusetts probably was deeper. "It just sounds like an ethical issue," Neuner says. "Certainly a laboratory can have all the policies and procedures in the world, but if you don't have ethical people working there, then you're going to have problems." Accreditation from Neuner's group lasts for five years. It requires yearly inspections, which are announced, and corrective action plans are drawn up if violations are found. Neuner says that to his knowledge, no lab has ever had its accreditation revoked. The now-closed Hinton Drug Lab, where Dookhan worked, was not accredited. But forensic consultant Brent Turvey says that might have made things worse. "In the Hinton Lab, if they were accredited, the incentive to commit the kind of fraud that Annie Dookhan was committing would have been higher, because the issue would have been maintaining accreditation," Turvey says. "In fact, the majority of labs where forensic fraud [is] exposed, the majority of them are ASCLD/LAB accredited." Turvey says there have been at least 12 crime lab scandals in the U.S. in the past two years. With more criminal cases relying on forensics, he adds, lab oversight is something Congress needs to address. "The forensic science community is not like any other community. It's not beholden to anyone other than the police and prosecutors," Turvey says. "The question is: Are we creating crime fighters, or are we creating scientists? And do we require them to tell the truth, or do we require them to help the police and prosecution?" A report to Congress raised the same question five years ago, but there has been little movement toward change. In the Senate, Patrick Leahy of Vermont and John Cornyn of Texas are working to introduce legislation this year, according to a spokesperson. In Massachusetts, most forensic testing is now overseen by state police. A chemist who had worked with Dookhan but was moved to the state police lab after the scandal broke was fired in November — for lying about her credentials. http://www.npr.org/2014/01/05/259392234/despite-scandals-nations-crime-labs-have-seen-little-change

No joke.

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