The complex art of apology

From BBC Travel

‘Sumumasen’ is an everyday word used to show respect for others (Credit: Malcolm Fairman/Alamy)

So, if apologies are just one cog in the larger moving wheel of Japanese politeness, where does the overarching cultural concept come from?

“There is a need for politeness in Japan to get along with living on top of your neighbours – it’s a respect for others,” Inokuma said. In Tokyo, watching great swaths of humanity queuing politely for miles on end to get into Shinjuku Gyoen park or shuffling forwards towards Nakameguro’s riverside during cherry blossom season, this makes sense.

Japan has some of the most densely packed cities in the world, with a whopping 93.93% urban population. Tokyo, for instance, has around 6,150 people per sq km, in comparison to London’s 5,729 (bear in mind, that includes Tokyo’s expansive outer suburbs – the bulk of residents are concentrated in the city centre of Greater Tokyo, the world’s most populous metropolitan area, and a further 2.4 million commute in every day). The average living space per person in the city is an elbow-bumping 22 sq m across the country, going down to 19 sq m in Tokyo. We experienced this first hand, staying in apartments throughout our trip that were unanimously spotless, homely – and unbelievably tiny. When there’s a premium on space, it suddenly seems natural to become as considerate of it as possible.

“There is this respect for other people’s space,” Longhurst affirmed. “When you go into a Japanese home you always take your shoes off – a separation of outside and inside. There’s also an attitude of ‘meiwaku’, meaning ‘sorry to bother you’ or ‘sorry to come into your space’.”

But this bone-deep politeness isn’t just a reaction to cramped living quarters. When we got out of the cities into the stillness of the Japanese Alps, people were, if anything, even more polite. We walked into Kamikochi, a mountain valley closed for the season: a strenuous two-hour hike that’s usually a 10-minute drive when the buses are running. It was worth it, but when a worker stopped and offered to drive us back, we nearly cried with relief. The day before on the rural bus up to our Okuhida ryokan (a traditional Japanese inn), I’d left my phone and didn’t realise for hours. The bus driver who found it later personally delivered it, calling Find My iPhone’s ‘lost phone’ number of the ryokan flashing on the screen to get the address to drop it off at.

Continues with photos

http://www.bbc.com/travel/story/20180805-the-complex-art-of-apology-in-japan