Get Stoned And Boned! Our Fabulous Gay Guide To Amsterdam
I love visiting New York and San Francisco “and Frenching all the fabulous gay boys,” but sometimes I want something a little bit more intense. Because, face it – no matter how out and proud we are in America, it’s still a puritanical country and we have to deal with it.
That’s why I loved my visit to Amsterdam, “where everyone cums, has fun and doesn’t act dumb!”
Amsterdam is like Disneyland for adults! And even though it’s in the heart of Europe, everyone speaks English. Whether you are looking for an afternoon delight or just to get high as a kite, Amsterdam delivers the goods “dick-wrapped!”
It doesn’t matter that Amsterdam is one of the coldest cities in Europe because the nightlife is so hot. Better still, not all the little Dutch boys want to stick their fingers in dykes; some of them would rather plug you up!
If you arrive in the summer, you’ll find the whole city is celebrating the return of the sun and you’ll have a fabulous chance to tiptoe through the tulips literally!
Other people like to take day trips out of the city and see the vintage windmills that still dot the countryside. But the real attraction here is that the city offers you a chance to escape from the repressive laws that hold us back in America and finally just chill out and have a gay old time!
So, sit back and get ready for Boytoy to take you on a tour of Amsterdam and get ready for some smokin’ bones!
Before we go any further, I need to give you one little warning; be careful when you get high in this city of delights!
One of the most dangerous myths about Amsterdam is that it’s legal to do drugs there. The truth is that it’s not legal for you to carry drugs with you or do them in public. In other words; don’t plan on getting high in the local park or doing bong hits at lunch!
The real deal is that it is only legal to purchase and consume pot and hash in licensed coffee bars.
Of course, there are plenty of these bars around the city, particularly in the major tourist areas. My advice to you is to buy just as much as you want to do in one sitting, and smoke it all before you head out of the shop because you really don’t want to get hassled by the Dutch police, even if they do carry naughty handcuffs.
One irony is that while you can smoke all the pot you want in coffee shops, it’s illegal to smoke cigarettes there – so be careful and suck down your recommended daily allowance of nicotine before you get ready to get your stone on!
Ravenous Rent Boys
Prostitution is 100 percent legal in this city, and if you head to the red light district you’ll find enough man meat to float your boat up and down Amsterdam’s many canals!
The hired help cums in all shapes, sizes, and flavors. All you have to do is walk into the red light district which is clearly marked on any city map, and you’ll see it all.
The prostitutes – women, men, drag queens, transgendered, and everything in between – stand in windows along the street. Some have price tags in the windows, while others require you to cum inside and negotiate a price.
All of these carnal delights are licensed by the city, and they’re regularly tested, so you can satisfy your cockaholic cravings while feeling as safe as two virgins having a first time fuck!
Like any red light district around the world, Amsterdam’s is safer during the day and gets sketchier at night. Unlike most red light districts, you will be surrounded by lots of tourists (most of them straight), and you may see more naked women than you really want.
But, it will all be worth it as soon as you get your hands on the dick of your wet dreams!
As you walk through the red light district, you’ll also have the chance to go into any number of sinful sex shows and see everything from manly men fucking and sucking to full-on animal shows!
If you’ve ever wanted to see what they really mean by “hung like a horse” this is your chance!
Going On A Cruise
You don’t have to go on the Love Boat to go cruising in Amsterdam. Unlike most American cities, Amsterdam tolerates cruising after dark, and you won’t get hassled by the cops at all as long as you keep it in your car or the bushes.
There are three major cruising areas in the city, and most of them have dudes looking for dick 24/7 though you are probably better off going after dark.
If you want hardcore action, head over to the Nieuwe Meer Park where you’ll find hard men, leather boys and twinks looking for love in all the wrong places. Several sections of the park are clothing optional so you can see what you are going to get before you get busy! Interestingly, the city government also lets cows graze here, so watch where you step!
If you want a slightly less seedy scene, rent a bike and cruise on over to Oosterpark and head to the lake. The guys cruise here on bicycles all you have to do is give a cute guy a wink and let him ride over your way. This section is much more intense at night than it is during the day.
The newest cruising area is Vondelpark. This area has a good daytime trade, particularly around the rose garden. It gets quieter at night, so this is your place for an afternoon delight!
Amsterdam has two distinct gayborhoods, and they are as different as night and day!
Reguliersdwarsstraat is the vanilla gayborhood filled with trendy gay bars, fabulous restaurants, and all-night gay discos. You’ll find cool queers and terrific twinks on this street as well as cabarets, saunas, and other places to wet your willy.
On the other hand, it is a fairly conservative gay scene, and you won’t find anything particularly outrageous here. Reguliersdwarsstraat is where you want to go to dance and dive for dick after you’ve smoked some Mary Jane!
If you like things a bit harder and I know some of you do you’ll be disappointed by Reguliersdwarsstraat and want to go instead to Warmoesstraat and Zeedijk streets, where the action is much harder.
This is where you’ll find rough trade, leather bars, manly men, and the gay Amsterdam S/M scene. This area is very hardcore and not for everyone, so make sure you know what you are getting into before you get into it here!
There is very little mixture between the two gayborhoods, but there is no reason you can’t play with the cool kids one night and then head over to get your bitchy little ass spanked in Warmoesstraat and Zeedijk the next!
Once you’ve had your fill of cum and fun, you’ll want to visit some of the less naughty sections of the canal city.
My favorite site is the Homomonument the world’s only official monument to gay pride. The statue is three giant pink triangles that come together to form a larger fourth triangle.
It is meant to commemorate the suffering of our tribe both in terms of homophobia and the AIDS crisis. Many people come here to leave flowers in honor of their loved ones who have passed on.
Next to the monument is Pink Point, the city’s fabulous gay pride information service. You’ll find tons of gay literature, information on the latest circuit parties, gay guides, souvenirs, and gifts.
Anne Frank House
On a more somber note, around the corner from Homomonument is the Anne Frank House.
This is where Anne Frank and her family lived while hiding from the Nazis during World War II. We’ve all read her diary in school, but the Anne Frank House really brings it to life.
The inside has been restored to what it was like when Anne was living there, and you won’t believe how cramped and tiny her quarters were.
There is also a Holocaust museum where you can learn more about what happened to the Jews during this awful part of the 20th Century.
You don’t have to be an artist to enjoy Amsterdam’s two main museums, but it certainly helps!
Which one to go to depends on your personal taste. Are you into Rembrandt, or do you prefer Van Gogh?
If you like the former, you’ll love Rijksmuseum, where his famous Night Watch painting is on display – as well as many other paintings by Rembrandt and his contemporaries.
On the other hand, if you prefer Van Gogh, you’ll need to see the Van Gogh Museum, which has the largest collection of his works in the world.
Both of them are very crowded in the summer, so if you cum on down, expect to wait an hour or two in line before you see these paintings, divine!
Come To Amsterdam For The Canals, Stay For The Anal!
There you go!
That’s the low down on where to go down in Amsterdam where you can blow like a windmill and still have time to suck on a bone!
Whether you want to get high or get hard, Amsterdam has what you are looking for!
So get ready to rumble and tumble and try to forget about the dykes!
Amsterdam will keep you cumming back for more.
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