WAR ROOM
Donald Rumsfeld’s Snowflake Poetry Is Exactly What America Needs Right Now
In newfound verse from 2001, the former defense secretary rages against time, space and indecipherable acronyms.
By HART SEELY politico.com January 27, 2018
Be honest: When you heard Donald Rumsfeld had released his “snowflakes,” your first thoughts were that the former defense secretary must have taken hostages at a Brooklyn Starbucks. In fact, George Washington University’s National Security Archive this week released a colossal trove—more than 900 pages—of Rumsfeldian memos from 2001, which were known back then as “snowflakes.”
Almost instantly, the Twitter tag #rummysnowflakes whisked us to the days when Rumsfeld was a media sensation, as America prepared to fight two wars with a tax cut tied behind its back. In Pentagon briefings, he regaled the nation with pithy comments about shaved gorillas and chickens in barnyards, and in 2002, he rendered to the world his oratorical masterpiece about “known knowns,” the things that we know we know. “We know there are some things we do not know,” he continued. “But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know.” A star was born.
It formed the basis of Pieces of Intelligence: The Existential Poetry of Donald H. Rumsfeld, my collection of his spoken verses. Like Andy Warhol’s “15 minutes of fame,” Rumsfeld’s “unknown unknowns” will be remembered long after Guantanamo Bay is underwater. But what about these newfound memos, an avalanche of words that until now have languished for 17 years in bureaucratic limbo? Is there poetry in the piles?
I have looked, and I am now choosing my words as carefully as possible:
It’s as if we found an NPR tote bag owned by Emily Dickinson!
People, this is poetry gold! The Snowflake Verses reveal an evolving bard, bursting with creativity—Rumsfeld wrote memos the way Donald Trump downs Diet Cokes—as he faced his personal unknown unknowns. Look closely, and you can see the roots of his future existentialism.
CONUNDRUM
In thinking through
one of the problems
between State and Defense,
we have to make sure
that none of your people
at the levels below you folks
end up clearing things
and then getting it up to you
and you not agreeing
and then we have to go back
and undo the clearance
with State and NSC.
Sept. 24, 2001, 6:23 p.m.
Throughout these verses, Rumsfeld paints himself as a solitary man, seeking to do right in a world gone mad.
FEAR OF THE GIFT
If I am going
to be giving gifts,
I have to know
what’s in them.
I can’t just
pass them out.
Nov. 5, 2001 (no time stamp)
On a daily—sometimes hourly—basis, he battles what we now describe as “deep state” forces that seek to devour him, as depicted in this dark trilogy on the shackles of time.
CALENDAR, PART 1
Every day I have to ask for my calendar.
I shouldn’t have to do that.
Tonight, it is 5:40 p.m.
I say to myself, “Gee,
“I haven’t seen my calendar.”
I need to get it by mid-day,
so I can affect it for the period ahead.
Please don’t make me ask for it.
Nov. 16, 2001, 9:13 a.m.
CALENDAR, PART 2
I have a feeling that
the things I want to do
that we have to drop
off the calendar
don’t get put back on.
For example,
I still need a dentist appointment.
Nov. 28, 2001,1:21 p.m.
CALENDAR, PART 3
We have to stop doing this to me.
There is no way I can function
if I have the calendar I have.
I don’t have a single second to do anything.
I cannot make the phone calls I need to make,
I cannot debrief after the previous meetings, etc.
I have had four meetings today,
and all I have is a stack
of about three inches of paper
that I haven’t dictated off of.
It isn’t going to work.
Nov. 28, 2001, 1:38 p.m.
Often, Rumsfeld wrestles with his own identity, posing unanswerable questions to Torie Clarke, a top aide, and Newt Gingrich, apparently an imaginary muse.
WHAT AM I?
Please pull together a list
of all the things I am
automatically a member of
because of my role as Secretary of Defense.
For example, I understand I am
now a member of
the Homeland Security Council.
Of course, I am also
a member of the Cabinet
and the National Security Council.
Are there other things?
Oct. 17, 2001, 7:04 a.m.
Occasionally, the poet unleashes a primal cry for help, directed caustically at his captors.
MISSION FOR JACOBY
I am seeing very little.
Everyone in the room
is seeing all kinds of videos
and pictures and talking about them,
and I have no idea
what they are talking about.
Why don’t you assign Jacoby –
that is something useful he could do.
Oct. 10, 2001, 12:29 p.m.
THE TARDY ONES
What do you think
about having a rule
that if people cannot
get to a meeting on time,
they shouldn’t come?
Oct. 19, 2001, 8:21 a.m.
A MODEST PLAN TO SAVE THE WORLD
I have been waiting and waiting
For a report on what we plan
To do for the rest of the world.
I have pushed, I have sent memos,
And I have begged and pleaded.
There must be some kind
of an interim report
someone can give me. Thanks.
Oct. 23, 2001, 9:08 a.m.
Most of all, these snowflakes touch upon the loneliness of being the secretary of defense.
A PLEA TO ANYONE
WHO FINDS THIS NOTE
I don’t want them to use initials
that I don’t understand.
I don’t want them to use acronyms
I don’t understand,
and I want them to date everything!
I have to ask questions
about every third piece of paper I receive.
There is no reason for that.
June 9, 2001, (no time stamp)
I DO NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE
Please tell people
to stop using only their titles
and start using their names
in addition to the titles
on correspondence.
Here is a memo.
I don’t know who these people are.
Nov. 12, 2001, 5:03 p.m.
COLD, TIRED HAND
Here is the Congressional report
on foreign military training.
I started signing everything,
And I got tired.
You can have somebody
sign the rest of them with the machine.
March 10, 2001, 4:24 p.m.
The poems are not always so depressing. At one point, a playful Rumsfeld changes pace with a Seussian rhyme.
CHU TO YOU!
Visit with David Chu,
And tell me what you two
THINK WE OUGHT TO DO!
Thanks!
May 29, 2001, 8:52 a.m.
Sadly, the documents do not include Rumsfeld’s response to Pieces of Intelligence after the book came out in 2003. I know he was aware of it: I sent him an autographed copy. He sent back a tersely worded letter and a check for $14.95, the book’s retail value. Hopefully, in some future document dump, we will find that the book inspired a poem. For now, I must wait for the gristmills to grind.
THE THINGS THAT COULD HAPPEN
We ought to think through
what are the bad things
that could happen,
and what are the good things
that could happen
that we need to be ready for.
Nov. 23, 2001 (no time stamp)
Hart Seely has compiled three books of spoken poems: O Holy Cow: The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto, Pieces of Intelligence: The Existential Poetry of Donald H. Rumsfeld, and Bard of the Deal: The Poetry of Donald Trump. You can find him on Twitter at @Seelysays, or at his New York Yankees fan blog, IT IS HIGH! IT IS FAR! IT IS caught.
https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2018/01/27/donald-rumsfelds-snowflake-poetry-is-exactly-what-america-needs-right-now-216534
