AdamSmith

http://longstreet.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83542d51e69e201310f991bf2970c-pi

Bad riddles (redundant ) Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa. Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now. How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it. How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb? She says, 'Daddy, I want a new apartment.' What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? 'Dam'. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese. What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses. What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A pachydermatologist What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table. What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an 'A' bra. What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka. ....and what kind of lettuce? Iceberg. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep. Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise.

If I recall, Greenland and Iceland are reported to have some of the highest alcoholism rates in the world. Given the shortage of photons and thermal energy, perhaps understandable.

10:15 AM ET This week in poop-smoked beer Ray Isle (@islewine on Twitter) is Food & Wine's executive wine editor. We trust his every cork pop and decant – and the man can sniff out a bargain to boot. Take it away, Ray. In this week’s do-not-miss world of beer news, it appears the Icelandic brewery Borg Brugghús has created a beer that gets its unique taste characteristics from, yes indeed, sheep dung. The malted barley that goes into their Fenrir Nr. 26 is smoked over burning Icelandic sheep excrement for several hours, resulting in a brew that is, according to brewmaster Sturlaugur Jon Björnsson, “Þetta er í raun léttur IPA bjór með sítruslegt og ferskt bragð og lykt frá humlunum. Síðan kemur svolítið þyngri, taðreyktur fílingur í þetta en þetta gengur allt saman upp.” For the non-Icelandic among us, that more or less translates as “It’s a lightweight IPA with fresh citrus and hop notes, then comes a bit heavier taste from the...” Well. You get the idea. This sort of madness isn’t exactly new—witness Beer Geek Brunch Weasel beer from Denmark craft beer superstar Mikeller, which derived some of its flavor from Vietnamese ca phe chon coffee (beans harvested from civet cat poop). But, you know, it’s still not exactly mainstream. There are certainly plans import the Fenrir Nr. 26, as soon as the FDA approves it, but it isn’t here yet. To whet your thirst, though—and in honor of St. Arnold’s Day, July 18, since St. Arnold is the patron saint of brewers—it’s worth checking out the extremely amusing video the lively guys at Borg have produced. Because how often do you get to watch bearded brewers trying to light sheep dung on fire with Bic lighters in a windswept Icelandic pasture. http://eatocracy.cnn.com/2014/07/18/sheep-dung-beer/?hpt=hp_bn11

I recall you recounting that story one time before. (I say that not to accuse you of repetitiveness but to show I was paying attention! ) To be sure, Apollo 13's recovery was immensely moving. And of course no price can be put on human life. But in the grand scheme, 11 brought home how privileged we were to be alive and witness to one of those once- or twice-in-a-millenium -- if that -- leaps in the human civilizational drama. Apollo 8 had paved the way in my imagination, reflecting back. Will never forget Borman and Anders reading Genesis from lunar orbit. “And from the crew of Apollo 8, we close with good night, good luck, a Merry Christmas, and God bless all of you — all of you on the good Earth.”

Apollo 11 Moon Landing 45th Anniversary: Complete Coverage By Space.com Staff | July 20, 2014 09:00am ET "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." That sentence, uttered by NASA astronaut Neil Armstrong from the surface of the moon 45 years ago, signaled the dawn of a new age. Watch Live Tonight: Moon Webcasts Celebrate Apollo 11 Lunar Landing This month marks the 45th anniversary of the epic Apollo 11 flight that landed the first humans on the moon and safely returned them to Earth. Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins launched from Florida on July 16, 1969. Armstrong and Aldrin ventured out onto the lunar surface on July 20, 1969. The two men spent 21.5 hours on the moon before taking off from the lunar surface to meet up with Collins in the command module and fly back to Earth. [NASA's 17 Apollo Moon Missions in Pictures] NASA astronauts returned to the surface of the moon on multiple missions, however, no human has touched down on the natural satellite's surface since 1972. Space.com's complete coverage of the 45th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing appears below: Exclusive: Buzz Aldrin Remembers Moon's 'Magnificent Desolation' Exclusive: Buzz Aldrin Remembers Moments Before the Moon Apollo 11 Retrospective: 'One We Intend To Win' Apollo 11 45th Anniversary - NASA Administrator Remembers Space Station Salutes Apollo 11 45th Anniversary Infographics and Multimedia: Apollo Quiz: Test Your Moon Landing Memory NASA's Historic Apollo 11 Moon Landing in Pictures How the Apollo 11 Moon Landing Worked: Infographic Buzz Aldrin, Apollo 11 Moonwalker, in Photos Story Coverage: Sunday, July 20 'One Giant Leap': As Apollo 11 Moon Landing Turns 45, NASA Aims for Mars Forty-five years ago, humanity took a giant leap forward in space exploration as the first people from Earth walked on the surface of the moon. Today, NASA is aiming for a much farther target: Mars, by way of asteroid. Here's how NASA's Next Giant Leap might work. Apollo 11 Flight Log, July 20, 1969: The Moon Landing It's the main event for the Apollo 11 crew. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin visited the lunar surface on the Eagle lander as an anxious Michael Collins awaited their return aboard the command module Columbia. Meanwhile, NASA's Mission Control held its breath. Girl Scouts of America Celebrate Apollo 11 Moon Landing in Cookie Form: Video We agree with the Girl Scounts of America: the moon needs cookies. Saturday, July 19 Apollo 11 Moon Landing Carried Big Risks for Astronauts, NASA NASA's Apollo 11 moon landing mission, and the missions that preceded and followed it, were inherently risky endeavours. Here's how NASA worked to make them as safe as possible. Apollo 11 Flight Log, July 19, 1969: Live TV from Near the Moon With just one day left before landing on the lunar surface, Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins made a live TV broadcast from near the moon. According to Armstrong, "It's a view worth the price of the tripIt's a view worth the price of the trip The Apollo Moon Landings: How They Worked: Infographic Get the inside scoop on the technology behind NASA's Apollo moon landings and Saturn V rockets in Space.com's detailed look at how the missions worked. Friday, July 18 Apollo 11 Flight Log, July 18, 1969: Entering the Moon's Gravity On Day 2 of NASA's epic Apollo 11 moon landing mission, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins were entering the moon's gravitational realm. Destination Moon: The 350-Year History of Lunar Exploration: Infographic The moon has long been a goal for human exploration, but that legacy expends farther back than you may know. See our retrospective of humanity's plans to explore the moon for the last four centuries. Future Moon Exploration: How Humans Will Visit Luna: Infographic When will the first true moon base begin? That depends on how gets back to the moon first. See Space.com's rundown of the major efforts to launch manned missions to the moon in the 21st century. Thursday, July 17 Apollo 11 Flight Log, July 17, 1969: Course Correction to Reach the Moon Just one day after launching into space, Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins had a busy time making sure their spacecraft was aimed at the moon. Moon Boot-Styled Sneakers Celebrate GE's Role in Apollo 11 Lunar Landing You may not me able to buy a spacesuit, but GE has dreamed up some Apollo 11 moon boot inspired sneakers to put some space on your feet. The Space Race, Apollo 11 Star in CNN's 'The Sixties' CNN takes on the Space Race to chronicle the battle for the moon between the United States and former Soviet Union. Where's the Moon? Lunar Sights of the Late-Night Sky The moon is rising into the July night much later than in recent months. Here's how to see it. Wednesday, July 16 Apollo 11 Flight Log, July 16, 1969: Launch Day This was the day it began: NASA's historic Apollo 11 manned moon landing mission blasted off 45 years ago today. See what the crew was doing. Apollo 11 Moon Landing Raised the Bar for Humanity, Astronauts Say: Video NASA astronauts on the International Space Station say the Apollo 11 moon landing was truly a giant leap for humanity. Space Pens Mark 45th Anniversary of First Moon Landing Fisher Pens has released a commemorative space pen to mark the 45th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing. Tuesday, July 15 NASA Celebrates 45th Anniversary of Apollo 11 Moon Landing See NASA's schedule of events to celebrate the 45th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing. Monday, July 14 Moonwalker Buzz Aldrin Talks Mars and Moon with Space.com: Replay of Live Event Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, tells Space.com what it was like to make history with crewmates Neil Armstrong and Michael Collins during NASA's epic Apollo 11 moon landing mission. Aldrin says Mars is humanity's future, and he has a plan to get there. Friday, July 11 Buzz Aldrin Visits Space.com Monday for Apollo 11 Google Hangout Apollo 11 moonwalker Buzz Aldrin will talk all things Apollo 11 with Space.com on July 14. Tuesday, July 8 Moonwalker Buzz Aldrin Launches Campaign for 45th Apollo 11 Anniversary Apollo 11 lunar module pilot Buzz Aldrin wants to know where you were during the Apollo 11 moon landing of July 20, 1969. Here's how to join his #Apollo45 project on YouTube. http://www.space.com/26558-apollo-11-anniversary-complete-coverage.html

Still, to me, the most moving public event during my lifetime.

One hilarious genre is the far-far-right conspiracy buffs who spend half their time pointing out how the government cannot even get its shoes on the proper feet, then the other half 'proving' how 9/11 was a government conspiracy (the Twin Towers were actually imploded by govt-placed explosives, Pentagon was hit with a govt-directed cruise missile rather than Flight 77, etc.,), the Apollo landings were faked, and other feats that would take superhuman competence, coordination, secrecy to pull off. Facebook overflows with this bilge. I saw an 'expose' the other day 'proving' how the USPS deficit and some other fiscal situations within govt. are actually cover for US govt. funding of black-ops sites around the world.

NO! Nooooooo!

Pretty on-point, notwithstanding being from Cracked.com... http://www.cracked.com/article_21341_5-ways-every-conspiracy-theory-makes-world-worse.html/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage&utm_campaign=new+article&wa_ibsrc=fanpage

You instinctive tops have no idea of the fun you're missing. Someone here is clearly not an ephebophile. Those 2 years can make a world of difference in a person's look, to lookers so attuned.

By Guardian reporters. 7 hours long. The guy just gets more impressive. Highlights: http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jul/18/-sp-edward-snowden-interview-rusbridger-macaskill Transcript: http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jul/18/-sp-edward-snowden-nsa-whistleblower-interview-transcript

Everyone In Middle East Given Own Country In 317,000,000-State Solution News • Politics • middle east • News • ISSUE 50•28 • Jul 17, 2014 NEW YORK—Marking the latest and most ambitious attempt to bring stability to the region, the United Nations announced Wednesday that every single person in the Middle East will receive his or her own sovereign nation as part of a historic 317,000,000-state solution. The broad and extensive compromise, which affects more than 3,000,000 square miles formerly occupied by the territories of Israel, the West Bank, Gaza, Syria, Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, Oman, Yemen, Egypt, and Jordan, will reportedly draw over 750,000,000 new borders in what experts claim will help drastically curb sectarian violence. “Given the incredibly complex and volatile sociopolitical landscape throughout the Middle East, a 317,000,000-state solution is the only realistic means of achieving lasting peace,” said U.N. Security Council president Eugène-Richard Gasana, noting that the treaty was reached after lengthy negotiations, which brought together each of the more than 300,000,000 independent factions. “We are pleased to finally come to an agreement that will hopefully stabilize the entire region and adequately satisfy the demands of all parties.” “We are confident that with every man, woman, and child possessing his or her own autonomous area of sovereignty to run as he or she sees fit, we will avoid many of the conflicts that have plagued this part of the world for centuries and left countless dead,” Gasana added. “This is a bright new future for the Middle East.” According to U.N. officials, the newly demarcated Middle East now consists of 8,000,000 independent Jewish states, 4,000,000 independent Palestinian states, 112,000,000 Shi’ite Islamic republics, 156,000,000 Sunni Islamic republics, and 19,000,000 Kurdish nations, as well as approximately 18,000,000 territories that include various Christian, Bahá'í, Druze, Zoroastrian, and secular countries. According to reports, the treaty has largely been met with support from locals, with many praising the division of the region into nearly a third of a billion sovereign states as a practical and desperately needed solution after decades of ceaseless sectarian fighting. “Frankly, giving every Middle Eastern citizen a country of his or her own is long overdue,” 49-year-old Naseer Khalidi told reporters from his newly formed 400-square-foot independent state along the former West Bank, which is adjacent to nations populated by his wife and two children. “After such a long history of violence and discord, we now have a region that is fairly and evenly divided among all religious factions, ethnic groups, and individual inhabitants. Finally, we can all live without oppression.” The resolution, however, has not been without various complications, with the U.N. now struggling to accommodate its 317,000,183 member states, and the global economy still reportedly has yet to incorporate each of the 317,000,000 entirely new forms of currency. Reports also confirmed that several hundred of the new states in what was formerly northeast Saudi Arabia contain highly valuable oil reserves within their borders, with top officials in those nations having already received a number of diplomatic visits from the U.S. and Western Europe, sparking tensions with their tens of thousands of neighboring countries. “While this idea may work in theory, this is simply another shortsighted plan that will only further strain tensions in the region,” said 54-year-old former Syrian resident Ilyas al-Masry, adding that there have already been some hints of unrest between each of the 246 sovereign states within a 5,000-foot radius of his country. “How can we have stability and peace when more than 300,000,000 nations are inhabiting lands they have absolutely no right to occupy?” “As long as everyone respects my borders, there will be no issues,” al-Masry added. “But I am prepared to use force if there are any attempts to destabilize or infringe upon my nation.” At press time, reports confirmed the outbreak of more than 90,000,000 new wars across the region, with sources estimating the current death toll at approximately 700,000. http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-in-middle-east-given-own-country-in-31700,36484/

Coca-Cola Introduces New 30-Liter Size News • products • business • ISSUE 30•11 • Oct 22, 1996 ATLANTA—The Coca-Cola Corporation held a press conference yesterday to announce that its soft drinks will soon be available exclusively in 30-liter plastic bottles. According to company spokespeople, Coke's decision to sell its product in what many consider to be overly large containers is not based on a specific study or survey of consumer demands, but rather on the company's desire to make a resounding display of its corporate might. The new bottles take up an enormous amount of display space. Several major soft-drink companies attempted to improve on the standard two-liter size bottle by introducing a three-liter size in 1985, but the new size failed because of difficulties with storage and carbonation loss. "The three-liter didn't fail because it was too big, but because it was not big enough," Coca-Cola CEO Vic Hertner said. "With our new 30-liter size, that won't be a problem. Two liters is nothing. I could urinate two liters for you right now. But 30 liters? That's untouchable." The new plastic bottle is nearly four feet tall, and weighs 274 pounds when filled with Coke. In development tests, it took an average of three men to lift the new bottle. The product will fit in an average refrigerator, but only when all other products and shelving have been removed. Most inconvenient of all, the new Coke will go flat if not drunk within 17 minutes, even if it is promptly recapped. The Coca-Cola Corporation does not see these factors as drawbacks. "By requiring three men to lift the bottle, our new product will encourage a sense of community," Hertner said. "The popular image of the lonely soda drinker wasting his life away in solitude will no longer be relevant, because anyone wanting to drink the new Coke will need two buddies to get the soda home, and at least 10 buddies to drink it all. The quick loss of carbonation might lead to tiny problems, but what are people going to do? Stop drinking Coke? I think not." Sociologists see Coke's plan to manufacture the 30-liter bottle as the logical next step. "It makes sense," Stanford Professor Edmund Tillerton said. "Americans like big things. Big sky, big cars, big stereo speakers, big dicks and big TV sets. It would follow that we would like big bottles of Coke. We like things to be larger than life, and that's what the new Coke size is." Coke stressed that the new 30-liter bottle would not be merely a new size option, but will soon be the only size option. "We're phasing out the smaller cans and bottles, as well as two-liter sizes," Hertner said. "We're confident that people will take to the new 30-liter size. Besides, they won't have a choice. We own Minute Maid as well. Soon, all orange juice will only be available in 30-liter sizes. Fruitopia as well. We will buy controlling stock in every beverage company and force them to follow suit. We are very confident. Did I mention that we own a small nation? If the people of this country don't like the newly sized product, we'll simply declare war. We will bury you." Consumers are eager to sample the new size. "I like Coke a lot, so it would follow that I would like a lot of Coke," Linda Jillerman of Cincinnati said. "For the last 13 years, I've been working on a mechanism to funnel Coke into larger containers. I had to quit my job to do this, but it was worth it. Now, with the new size, Coke does all the work! I'll be able to get my old job back!" The new size is ready for the public, and the public is ready for it. After considering "Coka-Munga" and "The Shitload," executives settled on "Family Size" as the product's official name. An extensive promotional campaign for the new size is also in the works. The Coca-Cola company is considering exhuming the corpse of wrestling legend Andre The Giant for use as the product's spokesman. If Andre is chosen, Coca-Cola will reanimate him in the same laboratories where the Coca-Cola head executives were cloned. "Ve velcome zees challenge," head scientist Günther Brauerhauer said. http://www.theonion.com/articles/cocacola-introduces-new-30liter-size,1696/

Fascinating. Thank you much much for this.

Yesterday at 4:35 PM The Majestic Elaine Stritch Had No Use for Pants BY VÉRONIQUE HYLAND NewYork Magazine Around 2007, the media went into a tailspin over the supposed epidemic of starlets wearing shirts without pants. Mary-Kate Olsen and Sienna Miller wore only opaque tights under their shirts, to the scolding of many. "Sienna Miller, did you look in the mirror before leaving the house?" nagged PopSugar. "What was she thinking?" keened People StyleWatch of an Olsen grunge-inspired (and pantsless) look. These fevered outlets seemed to be forgetting that one woman, and one woman only, lit the tights-as-pants dynamite and it wasn't trousers antagonist Lady Gaga or recent innovator Cara Delevingne. It was OG starlet Elaine Stritch, who passed away today at 89. Stritch famously eschewed pants, preferring a uniform of an oversize white shirt and opaque black Wolford tights (''Mention them, maybe I can get a free pair,'' she once told an interviewer). The look became an on-and off-stage uniform. A New Yorker review of her show at the Café Carlyle noted she was wearing "nothing resembling pants." She was also known for her love of hats immortalized in the Sondheim line "Does anyone still wear a hat?" and oversize round glasses. The reasoning beyond her preference for tights was more opaque than the stockings themselves. In an awkward Indiewire interview, Stritch avoided giving a reason for her choice. Well, you don't have to worry about packing pants. ES: No pants? You don't accumulate pants. ES: I don't understand. You don't wear pants. I was trying to make a joke. ES: I don't know what you mean. I'd like to get the joke. Chiemi Karasawa: No, because you're famous for wearing your tights and your men's shirts. ES: Oh, tights! And for not wearing pants. ES: I honest to God don't know what you're talking about. I wear slacks. I'm quite serious, I don't understand what you're talking about. CK: Because whenever you perform you wear tights. ES: I wear tights! CK: And so people consider that you don't wear pants. ES: But I don't call tights pants. CK: That's what he's saying. ES: I see, OK. Alright, let's press on. Pants-tights confusion aside, Stritch made the uniform iconic, and she never abandoned it. Even last year, she arrived to a photo shoot for a New York Times profile wearing a Detroit Athletic Club T-shirt and tights. She will be missed. http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/07/majestic-elaine-stritch-had-no-use-for-pants.html?mid=facebook_thecutblog

Good bio/look-back from LA Times: http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/arts/la-et-cm-elaine-stritch-appreciation-column.html Their formal obit: http://www.latimes.com/local/obituaries/la-me-elaine-stritch-20140718-story.html