AdamSmith

Specially for hito...

Interesting. http://mobile.politico.com/iphone/story/1013/98911.html

You know, if they set up that exhibit at a water park, on a slope, the kids could enjoy a new ride: the High Colonic.

Well, if you overlook that you are kind-hearted and loving whereas she is mean-spirited and hate-filled. Other than that, you could be sisters. Once you take up shooting at defenseless animals from helicopters.

Jokes about menstrual cycles are not funny. Period.

Some dictionaries alas (their online instantiations, at least) seem to be acceding to the popular (mis)usage. E.g., Merriam-Webster Online: dec·i·mate transitive verb \ˈde-sə-ˌmāt\ : to destroy a large number of (plants, animals, people, etc.) : to severely damage or destroy a large part of (something) dec·i·mat·ed dec·i·mat·ing Full Definition of DECIMATE 1: to select by lot and kill every tenth man of 2: to exact a tax of 10 percent from <poor as a decimated Cavalier — John Dryden> 3 a : to reduce drastically especially in number <cholera decimated the population> b : to cause great destruction or harm to <firebombs decimated the city> <an industry decimated by recession> http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/decimate The online Free Dictionary does at least give a slightly embarrassed acknowledgment of the corruption: dec·i·mate (ds-mt) tr.v. dec·i·mat·ed, dec·i·mat·ing, dec·i·mates 1. To destroy or kill a large part of (a group). 2. Usage Problem a. To inflict great destruction or damage on: The fawns decimated my rose bushes. b. To reduce markedly in amount: a profligate heir who decimated his trust fund. 3. To select by lot and kill one in every ten of. [Latin decimre, decimt-, to punish every tenth person, from decimus, tenth, from decem, ten; see dek in Indo-European roots.] deci·mation n. Usage Note: Decimate originally referred to the killing of every tenth person, a punishment used in the Roman army for mutinous legions. Today this meaning is commonly extended to include the killing of any large proportion of a group. Sixty-six percent of the Usage Panel accepts this extension in the sentence The Jewish population of Germany was decimated by the war, even though it is common knowledge that the number of Jews killed was much greater than a tenth of the original population. However, when the meaning is further extended to include large-scale destruction other than killing, as in The supply of fresh produce was decimated by the nuclear accident at Chernobyl, only 26 percent of the Panel accepts the usage. The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/decimate

Persona? …some junior-high jottings (which I managed to slip into the April Fool’s issue of the student rag, transcribing therefrom now): THE RAVEN (with apologies) Once upon an evening fated, while I tinkered, fascinated, With a quaint and curious flush ball from a toilet that was shot— While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber pot. “’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber pot— For what reason, I know not.” Ah, distinctly I recall it happened in the early fall As each separate rattling flush ball sent its echo down the hall And the silken sad uncertain swishing of each flushing toilet Filled me with fantastic terrors heretofore unfelt at all; So I scarcely thought how strange that it would be for some oddball To come tapping at my chamber pot. [Here omitted several stanzas so odious, even I cannot bear to type them out again.] And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On that map of Lippincott just above my chamber pot And the Raven still is going, and the pot still overflowing, And his countenance is livid as a demon’s in the privy And my soul from out that pot beneath the map of Lippincott Shall be lifted—ne’er a jot! Persona, indeed.

The Wellcome Trust 2013 winning entry: where did syphilis come from?Did Columbus bring the disease back with him from the New World, or was it in Europe all along? Katherine Wright, winner of the Wellcome Trust science writing prize 2013, investigates Katherine Wright The Observer, Saturday 26 October 2013 Unwelcome on board: Columbus crossed the Atlantic in 1492; by the end of the century syphilis was rampant in Europe. Photograph: Prisma archivo/Alamy Last month, Katherine Wright was awarded the Wellcome Trust science writing prize at a ceremony at the Observer's offices at Kings Place, London. Wright, who is studying for a DPhil in structural biology at Oxford University, was judged the winner of category A "for professional scientists of postgraduate level and above" from more than 600 entries by a panel including BBC journalist Maggie Philbin, scientist and broadcaster Helen Czerski and the Observer's Carole Cadwalladr. "I am absolutely thrilled to have won the science writing prize," says Wright. "This experience has inspired me to continue science writing in the future." THE WINNING ARTICLE: The Revenge of the Americas by Katherine Wright In the 1490s, a gruesome new disease exploded across Europe. It moved with terrifying speed. Within five years of the first reported cases, among the mercenary army hired by Charles VIII of France to conquer Naples, it was all over the continent and reaching into north Africa. The first symptom was a lesion, or chancre, in the genital region. After that, the disease slowly progressed to the increasingly excruciating later stages. The infected watched their bodies disintegrate, with rashes and disfigurements, while they gradually descended into madness. Eventually, deformed and demented, they died. Some called it the French disease. To the French, it was the Neapolitan disease. The Russians blamed the Polish. In 1530, an Italian physician penned an epic poem about a young shepherd named Syphilis, who so angered Apollo that the god struck him down with a disfiguring malady to destroy his good looks. It was this fictional shepherd (rather than national rivalries) who donated the name that eventually stuck: the disease, which first ravaged the 16th-century world and continues to affect untold millions today, is now known as syphilis. As its many names attest, contemporaries of the first spread of syphilis did not know where this disease had come from. Was it indeed the fault of the French? Was it God's punishment on earthly sinners? Another school of thought, less xenophobic and less religious, soon gained traction. Columbus's historic voyage to the New World was in 1492. The Italian soldiers were noticing angry chancres on their genitals by 1494. What if Columbus had brought the disease back to Europe with him as an unwelcome stowaway aboard the Pinta or the Niña? Since the 1500s, we have discovered a lot more about syphilis. We know it is caused by a spiral-shaped bacterium called Treponema pallidum, and we know that we can destroy this bacterium and cure the disease using antibiotics. (Thankfully we no longer "treat" syphilis with poisonous, potentially deadly mercury, which was used well into the 19th century.) However, scientists, anthropologists, and historians still disagree about the origin of syphilis. Did Columbus and his sailors really transport the bacterium back from the New World? Or was it just coincidental timing, that the first cases were recorded soon after the adventurers' triumphant return to the Old World? Perhaps syphilis was already present in the population, but doctors had only just begun to distinguish between syphilis and other disfiguring illnesses such as leprosy; or perhaps the disease suddenly increased in virulence at the end of the 15th century. The "Columbian" hypothesis insists that Columbus is responsible, and the "pre-Columbian" hypothesis that he had nothing to do with it. Much of the evidence to distinguish between these two hypotheses comes from the skeletal record. Late-stage syphilis causes significant and identifiable changes in the structure of bone, including abnormal growths. To prove that syphilis was already lurking in Europe before Columbus returned, anthropologists would need to identify European skeletons with the characteristic syphilitic lesions, and date those skeletons accurately to a time before 1493. This has proved a tricky exercise in practice. Identifying past syphilis sufferers in the New World is straightforward: ancient graveyards are overflowing with clearly syphilitic corpses, dating back centuries before Columbus was even born. However, in the Old World, a mere scattering of pre-Columbian syphilis candidates have been unearthed. Are these 50-odd skeletons the sought-after evidence of pre-Columbian syphilitics? With such a small sample size, it is difficult to definitely diagnose these skeletons with syphilis. There are only so many ways bone can be damaged, and several diseases produce a bone pattern similar to syphilis. Furthermore, the dating methods used can be inexact, thrown off by hundreds of years because of a fish-rich diet, for example. A study published in 2011 has systematically compared these European skeletons, using rigorous criteria for bone diagnosis and dating. None of the candidate skeletons passed both tests. In all cases, ambiguity in the bone record or the dating made it impossible to say for certain that the skeleton was both syphilitic and pre-Columbian. In other words, there is very little evidence to support the pre-Columbian hypothesis. It seems increasingly likely that Columbus and his crew were responsible for transporting syphilis from the New World to the Old. Of course, Treponema pallidum was not the only microbial passenger to hitch a ride across the Atlantic with Columbus. But most of the traffic was going the other way: smallpox, measles, and bubonic plague were only some of the Old World diseases which infiltrated the New World, swiftly decimating thousands of Native Americans. Syphilis was not the French disease, or the Polish disease. It was the disease – and the revenge – of the Americas. http://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/oct/27/wellcome-prize-katherine-wright-syphilis-columbus

Thank heaven! This giant inflatable colon is a mobile exhibit, demonstrating the various diseases that can be avoiding by maintaining a healthy digestive system.

Never, but then never been asked. (Alas!) My issue like yours is normally to prevent the toot, or at least delay it. But from trying to be on the giving end of watersports, my experience is that any bodily effluent is ready to hand -- until someone else requests it. Then, be it air, water or the Lord knows what (Suckrates forgive me ), of a sudden the valves lock shut. ...Tangentially reminded that in his brilliant parody of T.S. Eliot, poet Henry Reed at one point actually has the Almighty Himself let loose: CHARD WHITLOW(Mr. Eliot's Sunday Evening Postscript) As we get older we do not get any younger. Seasons return, and today I am fifty-five, And this time last year I was fifty-four, And this time next year I shall be sixty-two. And I cannot say I should like (to speak for myself) To see my time over again—if you can call it time: Fidgeting uneasily under a draughty stair, Or counting sleepless nights in the crowded Tube. There are certain precautions—though none of them very reliable— Against the blast from bombs and the flying splinter, But not against the blast from heaven, vento dei venti, The wind within a wind unable to speak for wind; And the frigid burnings of purgatory will not be touched By any emollient. I think you will find this put, Better than I could ever hope to express it, In the words of Kharma: "It is, we believe, Idle to hope that the simple stirrup-pump Will extinguish hell." Oh, listeners, And you especially who have turned off the wireless, And sit in Stoke or Basingstoke listening appreciatively to the silence, (Which is also the silence of hell) pray not for your selves but your souls. And pray for me also under the draughty stair. As we get older we do not get any younger. And pray for Kharma under the holy mountain. -- Reed, Henry. "Chard Whitlow (Mr. Eliot's Sunday Evening Postscript)." New Statesman and Nation 21, no. 533 (10 May 1941): 494 (.pdf) P.S. Have posted this here before, but worth repeating -- Dylan Thomas's uproarious reading-aloud of this piece, doing Eliot's faux-Brit accent to perfection:

Your problem is you rush things. You can't bring up marriage until you've slept together at least a couple of times.

I prefer to stereotype.

EXPAT...? Source: A-list actress used to make rounds of Hollywood secret sex parties By Hollie McKay Pop Tarts Published October 23, 2013FoxNews.com LOS ANGELES – In Hollywood, when the cameras stop rolling, some stars go home to their husbands, wives and children. Others take a detour to invite-only parties where anything goes, including group sex, S&M, drugs, hookers, and every kind of debauchery. Welcome to the secret sex societies of the entertainment industry. E! News explores the underground phenomenon in a new series of two-hour specials, "Secret Societies of Hollywood," premiering on Thursday. "Within these exclusive members-only organizations, the search for excess can be found everywhere,” the network claims. “From notorious Hollywood madams like Heidi Fleiss, who was believed to have supplied prostitutes for many big name stars, to an underground society of people who celebrate their love of bondage and other bizarre sexual tastes at parties that rotate from clubs and mansions to all over the city." FOX411 talked to one of the Hollywood insiders interviewed on “Secret Societies,” who said the modern proliferation of paparazzi and tabloid journalism has forced more and more stars -- gay and straight, young and old -- to pursue their sordid interests behind closed, very high, very thick, doors. "Law enforcement stays away as they have no right to do anything regarding a house party, and there is usual careful discretion with these types of parties to make sure that there is nothing that could warrant unwanted attention," said alternative sentencing expert Wendy Feldman. Sources tell FOX411 that code words are used to gain entrance to the ultra-secret soirees, sometimes called “NH” parties, for “Never Happened.” One well-placed entertainment insider told us that one of the biggest A-list actresses in the entertainment industry today was notorious for frequenting S&M clubs when trying to get bigger and better roles in the not-too-distant past. "She was famous for her escapades, it was right up her street," the insider said of the star. "High end hookers also frequent these places, using it to try and break into show business." Today’s secret orgies have their historical precedents. Last year, former WWll Marine Scotty Bowers wrote a tell-all --"Full Service: My Adventures in Hollywood and the Secret Sex Lives of the Stars” – in which he claimed he set up sexual encounters for Cary Grant, Rock Hudson, Vivian Leigh and Katharine Hepburn. And in the upcoming tell-all "Nicholson," by New York Times bestselling author Marc Eliot, the Oscar-winner Jack is painted as as the poster child for hedonism. Eliot says, even before he was famous, the legendary actor's apartment was the go-to spot of round-the-clock partying, drinks, drugs and sex. Eliot claims that Nicholson was outdone only by one other: Harry Dean Stanton. "On weekends, Harry Dean liked to throw sex parties that started on Friday night and ended sometime Monday morning," Eliot writes. Reps for Nicholson and Stanton did not respond to requests for comment. These days, we’re told that subterranean shindigs are typically attended by a big-name star or two, while the majority of guests are hopefuls willing to do just about anything in an attempt to score that big break. “It’s sad,” said one source. “But that always was, and still is, show business.” http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2013/10/23/source-list-actress-used-to-make-rounds-hollywood-secret-sex-parties/

P.S. Why you should trouble yourself to pardon the month is left as an exercise for the reader.

Pardonnez-mois! I ought to have made clear the recording is of a Petomane imitator, if such can be imagined: one Mr [sic] Lefires. Ze full link: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tixKopGjn5s&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DtixKopGjn5s

Patent medicine! Got half a bottle in me kitchen cabinet as we speak. One mouthful of butterbeans is enough to overwhelm it. To say nothing of a whole baked potato. And yes, of course that is beside the point.

And would you believe...! Le Pétomane From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to: navigation, search Le Pétomane Le Pétomane (/ləˈpɛtəmeɪn/, French pronunciation: ​[ləpetɔˈman]) was the stage name of the French flatulist (professional farter) and entertainer Joseph Pujol (June 1, 1857 – 1945). He was famous for his remarkable control of the abdominal muscles, which enabled him to seemingly fart at will. His stage name combines the French verb péter, "to fart" with the -mane, "-maniac" suffix, which translates to "fartomaniac". The profession is also referred to as "flatulist", "farteur", or "fartiste".[1] It is a common misconception that Joseph Pujol actually passed intestinal gas as part of his stage performance. Rather, Pujol was able to "inhale" or move air into his rectum and then control the release of that air with his anal sphincter muscles. Evidence of his ability to control those muscles was seen in the early accounts of demonstrations of his abilities to fellow soldiers. Contents 1 Biography 2 Legacy 3 See also 4 Notes and references 5 Further reading 6 External links Biography Le Pétomane ca 1890 Joseph Pujol was born in Marseilles, one of 5 children stonemason/sculptor François Pujol and his wife Rose. Soon after Pujol left school, he had a strange experience while swimming in the sea. He put his head under the water and held his breath, whereupon he felt an icy cold penetrating his rear. He ran ashore in fright and was amazed to sense water pouring from his anus. A doctor assured him that there was nothing to worry about. When he served in the army. he told his fellow soldiers about his special ability, and repeated it for their amusement, sucking up water from a pan into his rectum and then projecting it up to several yards. He found that he could suck in air as well. A baker, Pujol would sometimes entertain his customers by imitating musical instruments, and claim to be playing them behind the counter. Pujol decided to try the stage, and debuted in Marseilles in 1887. When his act was well received, he moved to Paris, where he appeared at the Moulin Rouge in 1892. Some of the highlights of his stage act involved sound effects of cannon fire and thunderstorms, as well as playing "'O Sole Mio" and "La Marseillaise" on an ocarina through a rubber tube in his anus.[2] He could also blow out a candle from several yards away.[1] His audience included Edward, Prince of Wales; King Leopold II of the Belgians; and Sigmund Freud.[3] In 1894, the managers of the Moulin Rouge sued Pujol for an impromptu exhibition he gave to aid a friend struggling with economic difficulties. Pujol was fined 3,000 francs, and the Moulin Rouge lost their star attraction as the disagreement led him to set up his own travelling show called the Theatre Pompadour. In the following decade Pujol tried to 'refine' and make his acts 'gentler'; one of his favourite numbers became a rhyme about a farm which he himself composed, and which he punctuated with the usual anal renditions of the animals' sounds. With the outbreak of World War I, Pujol, horrified by the inhumanity of the conflict, retired from the stage and returned to his bakery in Marseilles. Later he opened a biscuit factory in Toulon. He died in 1945,[4] aged 88, and was buried in the cemetery of La Valette-du-Var, where his grave can still be seen today. The Sorbonne offered his family a large sum of money to study his body after his death, but they refused the offer. Legacy Le Pétomane left an enduring legacy and has inspired a number of artistic works. These include several musicals based on his life, such as The Fartiste (awarded Best Musical at the 2006 New York International Fringe Festival) and Seth Rozin's A Passing Wind which was premiered at the Philadelphia International Festival of the Arts in 2011. In addition, Le Pétomane was added to David Lee's 2007 reworked revival of the 1953 Broadway play Can-Can, which had originally been written by Abe Burroughs and Cole Porter. The updated play, staged at the Pasadena Playhouse, featured musical theatre actor Robert Yacko as the fartiste, with sound effects provided by the band's trombone and piccolo players. More recently, the re-released works of English toilet humour specialist Ivor Biggun include "Southern Breeze", a song about a "Famous French Farteur" who describes in rhyme a stroll through a farmyard, accompanied by appropriate farting noises. Los Angeles-based Sherbourne Press published Jean Nohain and F. Caradec's Le Pétomane as a small hardcover English language edition in 1967. Due to its ‘sensitive’ nature, the usual national publicity venues shied away, some claiming that an author was needed for interviews (both elderly writers lived in France). However, ‘behind the curtain’ acceptance created a buzz within the national radio/TV promotional circuit and word-of-mouth discussion kept the book in stores for several years. Dorset Press, a division of Barnes & Noble, reissued the book in 1993. The character has been portrayed several times in film. In 1979 Ian MacNaughton made a short humorous film, written by Galton and Simpson called Le Pétomane, based on Pujol's story and starring veteran comic actor Leonard Rossiter.[5] The 1983 Italian movie Il Petomane, directed by Pasquale Festa Campanile and starring Ugo Tognazzi, gives a poetic rendition of the character, contrasting his deep longing for normalcy with the condition of 'freak' to which his act relegated him. The 1998 documentary Le Pétomane by Igor Vamos examines Joseph Pujol's place in history through archival films (none of which actually include him), historical documents, photographs, recreations and fake or tongue-in-cheek interviews.[6] Le Petomane is also referenced in Blazing Saddles, a 1974 satirical Western comedy film directed by Mel Brooks. Brooks appears in multiple supporting roles, including the dim-witted Governor William J. Le Petomane, whose name suggests he is full of hot air. See also Toilet humour Roland the Farter Mr. Methane Flatulence humor Notes and references ^ Jump up to: a b Le Pétomane: The Strange Life of a "Fartiste" Accessed 2012-02-02 Jump up ^ Did a French vaudeville star once specialize in trained flatulence? Accessed 2008-12-02 Jump up ^ Begone With the Wind Accessed 2008-09-01 Jump up ^ One source says his death occurred "shortly after the Allied landing", presumably a reference to D-Day, 6 June, but that was in 1944. Jump up ^ "Le Petomane (1979)". British movies. Britmovie.co.uk. Retrieved 2009-01-05. Jump up ^ White, Mike. "Le Petomane: Fin de Siècle Fartiste (Igor Vamos, 2000)". Cahiers du Cinemart. Retrieved 2009-10-19. Further reading Le Pétomane 1857-1945 by Jean Nohain and F. Caradec; translated by Warren Tute. Sherbourne Press (1967); republished Dorset Press (1993) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane

To wit... The Royal Academy of Farting ***** Benjamin Franklin to The Royal Academy of Brussels 1781 GENTLEMEN, I have perused your late mathematical Prize Question, proposed in lieu of one in Natural Philosophy, for the ensuing year, viz. “Une figure quelconque donnee, on demande d’y inscrire le plus grand nombre de fois possible une autre figure plus-petite quelconque, qui est aussi donnee”. I was glad to find by these following Words, “l’Acadeemie a jugee que cette deecouverte, en eetendant les bornes de nos connoissances, ne seroit pas sans UTILITE”, that you esteem Utility an essential Point in your Enquiries, which has not always been the case with all Academies; and I conclude therefore that you have given this Question instead of a philosophical, or as the Learned express it, a physical one, because you could not at the time think of a physical one that promis’d greater Utility. Permit me then humbly to propose one of that sort for your consideration, and through you, if you approve it, for the serious Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age. It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind. That the permitting this Air to escape and mix with the Atmosphere, is usually offensive to the Company, from the fetid Smell that accompanies it. That all well-bred People therefore, to avoid giving such Offence, forcibly restrain the Efforts of Nature to discharge that Wind. That so retain’d contrary to Nature, it not only gives frequently great present Pain, but occasions future Diseases, such as habitual Cholics, Ruptures, Tympanies, &c. often destructive of the Constitution, & sometimes of Life itself. Were it not for the odiously offensive Smell accompanying such Escapes, polite People would probably be under no more Restraint in discharging such Wind in Company, than they are in spitting, or in blowing their Noses. My Prize Question therefore should be, To discover some Drug wholesome & not disagreable, to be mix’d with our common Food, or Sauces, that shall render the natural Discharges of Wind from our Bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreable as Perfumes. That this is not a chimerical Project, and altogether impossible, may appear from these Considerations. That we already have some Knowledge of Means capable of Varying that Smell. He that dines on stale Flesh, especially with much Addition of Onions, shall be able to afford a Stink that no Company can tolerate; while he that has lived for some Time on Vegetables only, shall have that Breath so pure as to be insensible to the most delicate Noses; and if he can manage so as to avoid the Report, he may any where give Vent to his Griefs, unnoticed. But as there are many to whom an entire Vegetable Diet would be inconvenient, and as a little Quick-Lime thrown into a Jakes will correct the amazing Quantity of fetid Air arising from the vast Mass of putrid Matter contain’d in such Places, and render it rather pleasing to the Smell, who knows but that a little Powder of Lime (or some other thing equivalent) taken in our Food, or perhaps a Glass of Limewater drank at Dinner, may have the same Effect on the Air produc’d in and issuing from our Bowels? This is worth the Experiment. Certain it is also that we have the Power of changing by slight Means the Smell of another Discharge, that of our Water. A few Stems of Asparagus eaten, shall give our Urine a disagreable Odour; and a Pill of Turpentine no bigger than a Pea, shall bestow on it the pleasing Smell of Violets. And why should it be thought more impossible in Nature, to find Means of making a Perfume of our Wind than of our Water? For the Encouragement of this Enquiry, (from the immortal Honour to be reasonably expected by the Inventor) let it be considered of how small Importance to Mankind, or to how small a Part of Mankind have been useful those Discoveries in Science that have heretofore made Philosophers famous. Are there twenty Men in Europe at this Day, the happier, or even the easier, for any Knowledge they have pick’d out of Aristotle? What Comfort can the Vortices of Descartes give to a Man who has Whirlwinds in his Bowels! The Knowledge of Newton’s mutual Attraction of the Particles of Matter, can it afford Ease to him who is rack’d by their mutual Repulsion, and the cruel Distensions it occasions? The Pleasure arising to a few Philosophers, from seeing, a few Times in their Life, the Threads of Light untwisted, and separated by the Newtonian Prism into seven Colours, can it be compared with the Ease and Comfort every Man living might feel seven times a Day, by discharging freely the Wind from his Bowels? Especially if it be converted into a Perfume: For the Pleasures of one Sense being little inferior to those of another, instead of pleasing the Sight he might delight the Smell of those about him, & make Numbers happy, which to a benevolent Mind must afford infinite Satisfaction. The generous Soul, who now endeavours to find out whether the Friends he entertains like best Claret or Burgundy, Champagne or Madeira, would then enquire also whether they chose Musk or Lilly, Rose or Bergamot, and provide accordingly. And surely such a Liberty of Expressing one’s Scent-iments, and pleasing one another, is of infinitely more Importance to human Happiness than that Liberty of the Press, or of abusing one another, which the English are so ready to fight & die for. — In short, this Invention, if compleated, would be, as Bacon expresses it, bringing Philosophy home to Mens Business and Bosoms. And I cannot but conclude, that in Comparison therewith, for universal and continual UTILITY, the Science of the Philosophers above-mentioned, even with the Addition, Gentlemen, of your “Figure quelconque” and the Figures inscrib’d in it, are, all together, scarcely worth a FART-HING. http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/to-the-royal-academy-of-farting/

And of course... Fart Proudly From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to: navigation, search Franklin punned that compared to his ruminations on flatulence, other scientific investigations were "scarcely worth a FART-HING" "Fart Proudly" (also called "A Letter To A Royal Academy", and "To the Royal Academy of Farting") is the popular name of a "notorious essay" about flatulence written by Benjamin Franklin circa 1781 while he was living abroad as United States Ambassador to France.[1][2] Description "A Letter To A Royal Academy" was composed in response to a call for scientific papers from the Royal Academy of Brussels. Franklin believed that the various academic societies in Europe were increasingly pretentious and concerned with the impractical. Revealing his "bawdy, scurrilous side," [3] Franklin responded with an essay suggesting that research and practical reasoning be undertaken into methods of improving the odor of human flatulence. [1] The essay was never submitted but was sent as a letter to Richard Price,[4] a Welsh philosopher in England with whom Franklin had an ongoing correspondence. The text of the essay's introduction reads in part: I have perused your late mathematical Prize Question, proposed in lieu of one in Natural Philosophy , for the ensuing year...Permit me then humbly to propose one of that sort for your consideration, and through you, if you approve it, for the serious Enquiry of learned Physicians , Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age . It is universally well known, that in digesting our common food, there is created or produced in the bowels of human creatures, a great quantity of wind. That the permitting this air to escape and mix with the atmosphere, is usually offensive to the company, from the fetid smell that accompanies it. That all well-bred people therefore, to avoid giving such offence, forcibly restrain the efforts of nature to discharge that wind. The essay goes on to discuss the way different foods affect the odor of flatulence and to propose scientific testing of farting. Franklin also suggests that scientists work to develop a drug, "holesome and not disagreeable", which can be mixed with "common Food or Sauces" with the effect of rendering flatulence "not only inoffensive, but agreeable as Perfumes". The essay ends with a pun saying that compared to the practical applications of this discussion, other sciences are "scarcely worth a FART-HING." Copies of the essay were privately printed by Franklin at his printing press in Passy. Franklin distributed the essay to friends including Joseph Priestley (a chemist famous for his work on gases). After Franklin's death, the essay was long excluded from published collections of Franklin's writing but it was included in Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School, a 1990 collection of Franklin's humorous and satirical writings.[5] See also Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress Flatulence humor References ^ Jump up to: a b Before Beavis and Butthead, there was Ben Franklin - Carl Japikse - Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School - Epinions.com Jump up ^ To the Royal Academy of Farting ***** by Benjamin Franklin, c. 1781 Jump up ^ Amazon.com: Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School (9780898048018): Benjamin Franklin, Carl Japikse: Books Jump up ^ FART PROUDLY Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School - AuthenticForum Jump up ^ Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School by Benjamin Franklin, Carl Japikse (Editor) - New, Rare & Used Books Online at Alibris Marketplace http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart_Proudly

Since you asked... Fart From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to: navigation, search This article is about the word fart itself. For information on the bodily function of passing intestinal gas (flatus) via the anus, see Flatulence. For other uses, see Fart (disambiguation). German peasants greet the fire and brimstone from a papal bull of Pope Paul III in Martin Luther's 1545 Depictions of the Papacy Fart is a word in the English language most commonly used in reference to flatulence. The word "fart" is generally considered unsuitable in formal situations as it may be considered vulgar or offensive. Fart can be used as a noun or a verb.[1] The immediate roots are in the Middle English words ferten, feortan or farten, kin of the Old High German word ferzan. Cognates are found in old Norse, Slavic and also Greek and Sanskrit. The word "fart" has been incorporated into the colloquial and technical speech of a number of occupations, including computing. Contents 1 Etymology 2 Vulgarity and offensiveness 2.1 Historical examples 2.2 Modern usage 3 See also 4 References 5 Further reading 6 External links Etymology The English word fart is one of the oldest words in the English vocabulary. Its Indo-European origins are confirmed by the many cognate words in some other Indo-European languages: It is cognate with Greek πέρδομαι (perdomai), as well as the Latin pēdĕre, Sanskrit pardate, Avestan pərəδaiti, Italian fare un peto, French "péter", Russian пердеть (perdet') and Polish "pierd" << PIE *perd [break wind loudly] or *pezd [the same, softly], all of which mean the same thing. Like most Indo-European roots in the Germanic languages, it was altered by Grimm's law, so that Indo-European /p/ > /f/, and /d/ > /t/, as the German cognate furzen also manifests.[2][3][4][5] Vulgarity and offensiveness A humorous fart sign. In certain circles the word is considered merely a common profanity with an often humorous connotation. For example, a person may be referred to as a 'fart', or an 'old fart', not necessarily depending on the person's age. This may convey the sense that a person is boring or overly fussy and be intended as an insult, mainly when used in the second or third person. For example '"he's a boring old fart!" However the word may be used as a colloquial term of endearment or in an attempt at humorous self-deprecation (e.g., in such phrases as "I know I'm just an old fart" or "you do like to fart about!"). 'Fart' is often only used as a term of endearment when the subject is personally well known to the user. In both cases though, it tends to refer to personal habits or traits that the user considers to be a negative feature of the subject, even when it is a self-reference. For example, when concerned that a person is being overly methodical they might say 'I know I'm being an old fart', potentially to forestall negative thoughts and opinions in others. When used in an attempt to be offensive, the word is still considered vulgar, but it remains a mild example of such an insult. This usage dates back to the Medieval period, where the phrase 'not worth a fart' would be applied to an item held to be worthless.[6] Historical examples Treason!!! John Bull emits an explosive bout of flatulence at a poster of George III as an outraged William Pitt the Younger ticks him off. Newton's etching was probably a comment on Pitt's threat (realized the following month) to suspend habeas corpus. The word fart in Middle English occurs in "Sumer Is Icumen In", where one sign of summer is "bucke uerteþ" (the buck farts). It appears in several of Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tales. In "The Miller's Tale", Absolon has already been tricked into kissing Alison's buttocks when he is expecting to kiss her face. Her boyfriend Nicholas hangs his buttocks out of a window, hoping to trick Absolon into kissing his buttocks in turn and then farts in the face of his rival. In "The Summoner's Tale", the friars in the story are to receive the smell of a fart through a twelve-spoked wheel. In the early-modern period, the word fart was not considered especially vulgar; it even surfaced in literary works. For example, Samuel Johnson's A Dictionary of the English Language, published in 1755, included the word. Johnson defined it with two poems, one by Jonathan Swift, the other by Sir John Suckling.[7][8] Benjamin Franklin prepared an essay on the topic for the Royal Academy of Brussels in 1781 urging scientific study. In 1607, a group of Members of Parliament had written a ribald poem entitled The Parliament Fart, as a symbolic protest against the conservatism of the House of Lords and the king, James I.[9][10] Modern usage By the early twentieth century, the word "fart" had come to be considered rather vulgar in most English-speaking cultures. While not one of George Carlin's original seven dirty words, he noted in a later routine that the word fart, ought to be added to "the list" of words that were not acceptable (for broadcast) in any context (which have non-offensive meanings), and described television as (then) a "fart-free zone".[11]Thomas Wolfe had the phrase 'a fizzing and sulphuric fart' cut out of his 1929 work Look Homeward, Angel by his publisher. Ernest Hemingway, who had the same publisher, accepted the principle that fart could be cut, on the grounds that no one should use words only to shock.[12] The hippie movement in the 1970s saw a new definition develop, with the use of fart as a personal noun, to describe a 'detestable person, or someone of small stature or limited mental capacity', gaining wider and more open usage as a result.[13] Rhyming slang developed the alternative form 'Raspberry Tart', later shortened to 'Raspberry', and occasionally 'Razz'. This was associated with the phrase 'blowing a raspberry'.[14] The word has become more prevalent, and now features in children's literature, such as the Walter the Farting Dog series of children's books, Robert Munsch's Good Families Don't and The Gas We Pass by Shinta Cho. According to The Alphabet of Manliness, the assigning of blame for farting is part of a ritual of behaviour. This may involve deception and a back and forth rhyming game.[15] Derived terms include fanny fart (queef), brain fart (slang for a special kind of abnormal brain activity which results in human error while performing a repetitive task, or more generally denoting a degree of mental laxity or any task-related forgetfulness, such as forgetting how to hold a fork) and old fart. See also Flatulence humor Le Pétomane References Jump up ^ "Dictionary.com". Dictionary.reference.com. Retrieved 2010-11-12. Jump up ^ The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (4th edition, 2000) Jump up ^ Dictionnaire Hachette de la Langue Française, (Hachette, 1995) ISBN 0-317-45629-6 Jump up ^ T. G. Tucker, Etymological Dictionary of Latin, (Halle, 1931, repr. Ares Publishers, 1985) ISBN 0-89005-172-0 Jump up ^ Liberman, Anatoly (July 25, 2012). "Puzzling heritage: The verb 'fart'". OUPBlog. Retrieved July 25, 2012. Jump up ^ Hughes, Geoffrey (2000). A History of English Words. Blackwell Publishing. p. 130. ISBN 0-631-18855-X. Jump up ^ Evans, Ron (2002). Coming Home: Saskatchewan Remembered. Dundurn Press Ltd. p. 95. ISBN 1-55002-379-9. Jump up ^ "An ill wind. Some fascinating facts about farting". Davyking.com. c. 1985. Retrieved 2010-11-12. Jump up ^ Marotti, Arthur (1995). Manuscript, print, and the English renaissance lyric. Cornell University Press. p. 113. ISBN 0-8014-8238-0. Jump up ^ Curtis, Polly (2005-06-23). "Ode to fart gets airing at last". London: Guardian. Retrieved 2010-11-12. Jump up ^ "http://www.georgecarlin.com/dirty/dirty3.html". George Carlin. Retrieved 2009-10-07. Jump up ^ Leff, Arthur (1997). Hemingway and His Conspirators: Hollywood, Scribners, and the Making of American Celebrity Culture. Rowman & Littlefield. p. 105. ISBN 0-8476-8545-4. Jump up ^ McCleary (2004). The Hippie Dictionary: A Cultural Encyclopedia of the 1960s and 1970s. Ten Speed Press. p. 174. ISBN 1-58008-547-4. Jump up ^ Burridge, Kate (2005). Weeds in the Garden of Words: Further Observations on the Tangled History of the English Language. Cambridge University Press. p. 28. ISBN 0-521-85313-3. Jump up ^ Maddox, Angelo Vildasol. Alphabet of Manliness. p. 64. Further reading Dawson, Jim (2010). Did somebody step on a duck?: a natural history of the fart. Berkeley, Calif: Ten Speed Press. ISBN 1-58008-133-9. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart

Fart Filtering Underwear Said To Neutralize Stink Of Passing Gas The Huffington Post | By Ron Dicker Posted: 10/24/2013 1:07 pm EDT | Updated: 10/25/2013 11:06 am EDT Keep cutting the cheese, America. A British line of fart-filtering underwear is doing big business, and it has the United States to thank for it. "Americans are making up the majority of our sales at the moment," Shreddies spokeswoman Ianthe Betts-Clarke told The Huffington Post. Since word about the odor-neutralizing Shreddies passed through the Internet a few days ago, the company has experienced a 400 percent increase in orders over all, Betts-Clarke estimated. Shreddies weaves a carbon cloth called Zorflex into its rear panel. Betts-Clarke says it can squash the smell of "200 times the average flatulence emission." (Shreddies apparently hasn't met my Aunt Edna.) In 2008, the company began to serve customers with digestive-tract woes but branched out. "It's a product for everybody, because everyone farts," Betts-Clarke explained. Men's boxer briefs cost between $39 and $45, while women's panties are about $31 to $34. A product called the Flat-D Flatulence Deodorizer is also on the market. It's an activated charcoal cloth pad that tapes to the inside of briefs to mask the stink. Imagine your silent but deadly farts now just silent. This pair of Shreddies for women costs about $31. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/24/fart-filtering-underwear_n_4156400.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

Immigration Poses Threat of Another Republican Rift By ERIC LIPTON and ASHLEY PARKER The New York Times Published: October 25, 2013 WASHINGTON — A push to bring immigration legislation to the House floor, led by an unusual coalition of business executives, prominent conservatives and evangelical leaders, threatens to create another schism in the Republican Party and could have a noticeable effect on campaign contributions before the midterm elections. Several Republican executives and donors who are part of a lobbying blitz coming to Capitol Hill next week said they were considering withholding, or had already decided to withhold, future financial support to Republican lawmakers they believe are obstructing progress on immigration. “I respect people’s views and concerns about the fact that we have a situation in the United States where we have millions of undocumented immigrants,” said Justin Sayfie, a lawyer from Florida who said he helped Mitt Romney raise more than $100,000 for his presidential campaign last year, in addition to helping other Republican candidates. “But we have what we have. This is October 2013. And the country will be better off if we fix it.” Capitol Hill has for months been the focus of immigration advocates urging lawmakers to take up one of the four measures that have been approved by the Republican-led House Judiciary Committee. What is different about next week’s lobbying effort is that it will include about 600 mostly conservative leaders in business, agriculture and religion who will focus on 80 representatives from 40 states — all of them Republican. The effort comes just weeks after House conservatives alienated many longtime supporters, including much of corporate America, by trying to block financing for Mr. Obama’s health care law, a move widely blamed for the government shutdown. The intraparty tension that was apparent in the budget standoff could resurface in the immigration fight, though the sides may not align in exactly the same way. Sponsors of next week’s event include the U.S. Chamber of Commerce; the National Immigration Forum; FWD.us, a political action group set up by Silicon Valley executives including Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook; and the Partnership for a New American Economy, which is led jointly by Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg of New York, Rupert Murdoch and Bill Marriott Jr. Pushing back against the pressure to act from within their own party, a core group of conservatives said in interviews this week that they would not be intimidated by corporate America or other outside parties, even though in this case that includes farmers, evangelical leaders and some prominent conservatives. “I care about the sovereignty of the United States of America and what it stands for, and not an open-door policy,” said Representative Ted Yoho, Republican of Florida, who is one of several conservatives opposing all of the bills the House is currently considering. Though House Republican leaders — including Speaker John A. Boehner of Ohio and Representative Eric Cantor of Virginia, the majority leader — have expressed support for moving on their own immigration measure this year, given that the Senate has already passed a comprehensive bill, the prospect for any legislation before year’s end is uncertain. There is intense division within the party over the proposals under consideration, and some hard-line conservative members have made it clear that they have no interest in advancing a key part of Mr. Obama’s agenda. Even some who support a measure to increase border security say they would not vote for such a bill, fearing that it could become a vehicle to grant citizenship to an estimated 11 million immigrants in the United States illegally. “We have seen the character of this president, and the way that he does business,” said Representative Steve King, Republican of Iowa, explaining why he would oppose any measure. Looking to restart discussion on immigration after months when it was overshadowed by foreign policy crises and the budget dispute, Mr. Obama spoke at the White House on Thursday and said Democrats and Republicans in the House must unite to pass an immigration package. “Everybody wins here if we work together to get this done,” the president said. The lawmakers who are the focus of next week’s effort have expressed support for immigration legislation or a willingness to consider it, said Ali Noorani, executive director of the National Immigration Forum. Roy Beck, a founder of NumbersUSA, a group that opposes the Senate legislation, acknowledged in an interview that the push by conservatives — evangelical leaders in particular — worried him somewhat, leading him this week to urge his one million followers nationwide to step up their calls and e-mails to Congress. “There is the potential this could shift some support,” Mr. Beck said. Backers of the effort estimated that about 30 House Republicans, like Mr. King and Mr. Yoho, would not support immigration legislation under almost any condition. But they believe they can piece together a majority of the Republican caucus to pass certain bills, moving the debate to a committee of House and Senate negotiators, who could try to agree on a comprehensive package. The contention centers on what to do with the illegal immigrants already in the country, which Democrats in both chambers say must be addressed in any final deal. Many House Republicans have already expressed support for proposals to strengthen border security and make it easier for high-skilled workers and farm laborers to get visas, all elements of the Senate package. There have been hints of possible compromise. Representative Mick Mulvaney, Republican of South Carolina, who is one of the House’s more conservative members, said he could support “a path to status” for immigrants who are here illegally. None of the measures that have been approved by the Judiciary Committee, with Republican support, include a legalization component. Republican Representatives Paul D. Ryan of Wisconsin and Mario Diaz-Balart of Florida have been working on legislation that includes a process by which immigrants here illegally could “get right with the law” and eventually become citizens. A growing number of Republicans, however, privately say they see no political advantage for the party to move ahead on immigration legislation right now. They do not expect it to be a critical issue in the 2014 midterms — in fact, some House Republicans may be even more reluctant to take a tough vote on immigration during an election year — and they say it simply needs to be dealt with before the 2016 presidential election. Thus, they say, they are most optimistic about pushing through an overhaul in 2015. Those involved in the lobbying effort hope to alter those prospects. “Doing nothing is not the answer,” said Glenn McCall, a retired banker and a Republican National Committee leader from South Carolina, who will be in Washington as part of the lobbying event. “We have done that, and you can see where we are.” Terry Jones, a dairy farmer from Idaho who considers himself a member of the Tea Party movement and who will be in Washington next week, said he considered passage of the legislation an urgent matter. “You wake up and it is 25 degrees, and a cow that is giving birth, and you have 400 cows to milk that day, and you don’t have the help you need — that stinks,” Mr. Jones said, citing a shortage of labor that he says could be eased through a new immigration law. “I bet not one of those legislators back there have been in that position.” http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/26/us/politics/conservative-coalition-presses-house-republicans-to-act-on-immigration.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0