lookin

Not that I'm particularly proud of this, but several years ago I ran into a guy at a local fairgrounds who invited me back to his place and let me know that his biggest turn on was having someone hunker down over his face and fart on him. "I don't care if it smells.", he said shyly, blending reassurance with encouragement. He was sort of young, I thought, to have developed such a refined fetish but I'm a pretty chacun-ȧ-son-goût kinda guy, so I gave it my best shot. Nada. And I tried. More than once. Hovering, hunching, and heaving till my hamstrings started seizing up. But nothing. Weird, because my challenge up until that day centered more around how not to break wind during a casual encounter. And here, when they were wanted most, the nether breezes had died down so completely that I wondered if somebody had buttoned my bunghole when I wasn't looking. I've been pee-shy before but never fart-shy. Since it's the weekend, and since we're sharing, has anyone else ever had this phenomenon manifest itself in their personal or professional lives? PS: Tossed his number a few years ago and never ran into him again, though I did subsequently develop a hankering for fair food, especially chili cheese dogs.

Mai oui, bien sûr.

I think he did some more orchestral stuff but can't say whether or not it was recorded. He was at one point the highest-paid entertainer in France. Not sure if your interest lies more in arrangements or in technique, but the latter is examined more fully in The Crepitation Contest in which Paul Boomer takes on Lord Windesmear. The business end doesn't get started until almost six minutes in.

He's holed up at the Walmart. . . Smart move. . . . I'll say! . . . . You wouldn't catch me dead in that place. . . . . nnnnnnnnn . Me neither.

Swap fully closed eyelids for a casual droop and you've got my routine titivations for an evening out with the lads.

If you ask me, the line between Sarah Palin and satire is a fairly slender one.

Hold my calls, Miss Blankensop. I'll be busy pruning my Rolodex.

The problem is that when you tell folks you're not spying on them and then they find out you are spying on them, you take away any measure of trust that you may have built up over the years. Trust is an enormously valuable asset, not only in diplomacy but in all human relationships. It takes a huge investment of time and energy to build up trust and only an instant to lose it. Once lost, it may never be regained. Edward Snowden is not the one who told the Germans one thing and then did another. It was our government. He's also not the one who told U. S. citizens they were definitely not being spied on, even while they were. It was our government that lied to us. Snowden merely told us the truth about it. Think of it like this. Let's say you find your ideal husband, settle down, and start a life together. You tell him you want to be faithful to one another and he promises you he will never stray. You keep up your end of the bargain but, after your third child together, your neighbor tells you that he's been cheating on you all along. Would you say, "Oh my, all husbands do that - no problem"? Or would you be hurt? Would you blame your husband for cheating, or your neighbor for telling you about it? Or yourself, for asking him to be faithful and believing that two-timer in the first place? And where are the kids in all of this? I can tell you my answers to these questions, but I have a hunch they may not be the same as yours.

I find even the name to be a little creepy. Same with "Homeland". I always feel like I should be saluting something.

But you'll like North Carolina. Now go climb in your shipping crate.

Perhaps one day you will also sit upon the throne.

Thanks! In context, even funnier than I remembered.

Not to muddle your mortuarial musings but didn't you have a brilliant wheeze some time back about casket linings? Can't put my hands on it.

Oh, my. The whole Family is dotty about her. I wish I had a collection of shoes like that.

Princess Hi??? We're not sure We're amused.

Ask a silly question . . .

All that was before we discovered rimming.

I too miss the days when we had a Republican Party that stood for more than a single issue. I think a healthy democracy depends on having at least two good choices when we go to the polls, one that is a little better for some folks, and one that is a little better for other folks. But the Republicans have so polarized the choice around the single poorly defined issue of "big government" that anyone who has more than a single functioning brain cell feels left out. Is there anyone who can even say what "big government" means? Does it mean the percentage of GDP that the government spends? We're nowhere near the top. Does it mean the percentage of GDP that we pay in taxes? We're nowhere near the top. Does it mean the percentage of GDP that we spend on safety nets for our citizens? Again, we're nowhere near the top. Does it mean the percentage of GDP that we spend on wars? Well, there we are near the top. But do you hear the Republicans campaigning for big reductions in the "defense" budget? Or higher taxes to pay for our wars? Not a chance. In fact, it was our last Republican administration that took us into two wars in the Middle East while actually lowering taxes. Was there so much as a peep from Republicans about the national debt then? The only time "big government" becomes an issue these days is when there's a discussion about spending some of our tax money on taking care of the poor, the elderly, and the sick. Even though Social Security is a self-funded program which has always run a surplus, and has been used as a piggy bank for war and to keep other taxes low, the Republicans are hell-bent on raising the retirement age and cutting cost-of-living increases. Republicans are increasingly identifying themselves as a party that doesn't give a shit about most of the average folks in the United States. They'd rather let someone lose their home than get health insurance. They'd prefer another billionaire to someone who is finally able to send a child to college. I apologize for lumping all Republicans under a single banner. There are plenty of Republicans who do not want to see their party highjacked by a fringe group that is probably the most blatantly selfish group of individuals since before the French aristocracy learned how to ride a tumbrel. I'd have more respect for the Tea Party if they would actually stand up in the light of day and admit they want a nation of haves and have-nots. Or if they would agree to a tax that would pay down the trillion dollar debt for even one of our Middle East wars. Or if they would stop hollering for an "alternative" to Obamacare and actually present one. But they are too self-serving to do it. They'd rather see the poor folks in this country get poorer, all the while telling them that they are merely providing them with a 'path' to become as rich as they are. As if there's a chance in hell. While I won't lump all Republicans under this banner, as I am sure many are not, I do hold them liable for not taking the actions necessary to get rid of this selfish bunch of malcontents while they still have a chance. I understand that it will take some courage to do it, and they may take a step backward by doing so. But they're on course to lose the viability of the Party for a long time to come if they don't. And I'll hold the Democrats and Independents liable too. I think the sooner they start educating the voting public that a feel-good campaign against "big government" is little more than a campaign to dismantle the safety net that keeps many of us out of the soup kitchens, the better. /rant

No, no, I can't say that I do. The precise number has remained tantalizingly out of reach.

We're just as happy as can be! Say Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. We shut it down for two whole weeks, And screwed the bums who called us freaks. If Boehner thinks he'll stop our rave, He must be living in a cave. We'll turn the Party into scum! Say Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

Doesn't this belong in the ButtTorrent thread?

Of course I know my fly is open. That's the next part of the ritual.

If it's entertainment you're after, check out The Borowitz Report. A few recent favorites: OCTOBER 16, 2013 CRUZ: “THE DREAM OF KEEPING POOR PEOPLE FROM SEEING A DOCTOR MUST NEVER DIE” POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Acknowledging that the government shutdown was coming to an end, an emotional Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) took to the Senate floor today to make an impassioned speech, telling his colleagues, “The dream of keeping poor people from seeing a doctor must never die.” ...CONTINUE READING >> OCTOBER 9, 2013 REPUBLICANS SHUT DOWN PREFRONTAL CORTEXPOSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an escalation of the stalemate gripping Washington, House Republicans voted today to shut down the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that controls reasoning and impulses. The resolution, which passed with heavy Tea Party support, calls for a partial shutdown of the brain, leaving the medulla and cerebellum, sometimes referred to as the “reptilian brain,” up and running. ...CONTINUE READING >> OCTOBER 1, 2013 MILLIONS FLEE OBAMACAREPOSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ UNITED STATES (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Tea Party loyalists fled the United States in the early morning hours today, seeking what one of them called “the American dream of liberty from health care.” Harland Dorrinson, 47, a tire salesman from Lexington, Kentucky, packed up his family and whatever belongings he could fit into his Chevy Suburban just hours before the health-insurance exchanges opened, joining the Tea Party’s Freedom Caravan with one goal in mind: escape from Obamacare. “My father didn’t have health care and neither did my father’s father before him,” he said. “I’ll be damned if I’m going to let my children have it.” ...CONTINUE READING >>

Sounds like a pretty nice trip! You may also want to keep an eye out for the Purple Panther.

At least you were kind enough to let him come sit on your bed and tell you how cute you were and how much he wanted to stay with you. Good breeding always tells!