Retiring to Pattaya

[Tomtravel]

If I would have dementia, I would insist my partner finds other activities then taking care of me, hopefully other relationship. I should be in some institution, sadly.

I probably don’t recognise him, become mean, accuse him, walk away, play with my shit, etc. I am then mostly insane and should be broadly speaking tamed. This is all not nice and why would I wish that for a guy I love?

 

 

[bkkmfj2648]

1 hour ago, Tomtravel said:

If I would have dementia, I would insist my partner finds other activities then taking care of me, hopefully other relationship.

I actually agree with what you wrote, except for the part where you mentioned to put the dementia afflicted person into an institution.

After watching many of my relatives go through the horrors of slowly disappearing into the world of dementia with their final stage of life in an assisted care institution, I personally witnessed first hand their displeasure of being forced into an environment that they had no connection or familiarity with, often resulting in them becoming more recluse or angry with the sense of abandonment by their loved ones.

In my pollyanna fantasy world, I would desire to find 2 guys to take care of me in my last years (hopefully even sooner) where these 2 guys love each other and would be willing to create a family with me. 

Why more than 1 guy?

Dealing with a person day in and day out is truly exhausting and requires a lot of stamina and patience - so 2 guys would be the minimum so that when 1 needs a psychological or mental break the other guy can be there for me.

I just want the last phase of my life to be at the sea with a seaview, as the sea has an incredible calming effect on me.

Is this fantasy too pollyanna-ish?

[Tomtravel]

Maybe ask (cute) male nurses about your plans, especially those who have an experience.

[PeterRS]

15 hours ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

After watching many of my relatives go through the horrors of slowly disappearing into the world of dementia with their final stage of life in an assisted care institution, I personally witnessed first hand their displeasure of being forced into an environment that they had no connection or familiarity with, often resulting in them becoming more recluse or angry with the sense of abandonment by their loved ones.

Thankfully, none of my relatives have suffered from this ghastly illness - so far. But I knew three lovely ladies - one with whom I stayed on my annual visits to London for 16 years - who contracted the illness and then died from it. A few years ago I met up with the daughter of one. I made the mistake of asking "How is your mother", aware that she had been in care for nearly three years. Her reply was "for my siblings and myself, our mother died two years ago." Her mother's mind had completely gone.

Since then two more lady friends have had Alzheimers diagnoses. (Does the illness affect more women, I wonder?) Additionally I have sometimes written about a lady here in Bangkok with whom I have done business since 1982. We have a mutual Thai friend (athough much more casual in my case) who is gay and had been in a relationship with a Thai guy for 14 years. Three years ago he developed dementia. Within days the boyfriend had disappeared taking with him their car and a few household belongings. My friend managed to get him into a care home close to Chiang Mai where she told me he felt very happy and content.

Another who lived and worked in London is now in Chiang Mai very close to death. He was diagnosed in 2019. Although he had been married with two children, in 2000 he divorced his wife and started a relationship with a Thai guy living in London whom I shall just call Somboon. With care homes in the UK being horrendously expensive, Somboon bought a house in Chiang Mai and they moved there during the first year of covid. I had known my friend as both a colleague and close friend since 1978, so I have been up to Chiang Mai to see him and used Facetime at other times. In this case, Somboon has stayed with him and with the help of two young carers will be with him till he passes away. He now has no memory at all which is all so terribly sad.

We all have to make our own decisions as to how we might face the onset of dementia. Personally, I could not let my partner go through all the pain and angst of looking after me daiiy given that he has a good job. I would hate myself if I had to  make him give that up. And the care homes I have heard about near Chiang Mai certainly seem to look after patients extremely well from what I have heard.

[Londoner]

5 hours ago, PeterRS said:

Thankfully, none of my relatives have suffered from this ghastly illness - so far. But I knew three lovely ladies - one with whom I stayed on my annual visits to London for 16 years - who contracted the illness and then died from it. 

Sadly, that is the my experience as far as my family is concerned. And it is truly distressing to observe,

I too would not wish my partner to have to devote his life to looking after me. What , very approximately of course, is the cost  of being cared-for in those Chiang Mai homes? 

[khaolakguy]

An article yesterday in The Guardian on the subject of how self fulfilling modern attitudes to and "treatment" of dementia can be. Sometimes a more positive approach can be beneficial.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/jun/09/dementia-rebels-diagnosed-determined-change-peoples-minds

 

[PeterRS]

With all the people I have  known with dementia, it has started with a short group of words. "And what are you doing now?" Not asked once but at least four times during a reasonably long time over coffee or a meal. I remember watching a very moving movie about dementia and especially the start of losing memory. Iris with Judi Dench and Jim Broadbent is the real life story of the writer Iris Murdoch. It starts with her at her writing desk and suddenly unable to bring to mind one word she knows but cannot locate in her memory. One becomes two . . . and so on. A very different movie than the much more recent one with Anthony Hopkins The Father.

Referring to that excellent Guardian article, one of the ladies I mentioned earlier had been a ballet dancer in her youth. Placed in a care home and with almost no memory, one of her children took her to a dance class geared to the elderly. It was, she told me, immediately as though she changed. She clearly loved the class – and I assume the interaction with others. Yet when it was over, she was back to what had become her normal care-home self. 

I'm sorry I do not have details of the cost of the care homes outside Chiang Mai. I know they were relatively inexpensive when my business associate had her friend accepted for one. But then I do not know which package and what extras he might have needed. I'll try and find out more. This is one.

https://www.homerlyseniorliving.com/senior-care-services-thailand/

[bkkmfj2648]

7 hours ago, Londoner said:

What , very approximately of course, is the cost  of being cared-for in those Chiang Mai homes? 

Hi @Londoner,

Below is a hyperlink to a well written comparison of elder care in the Philippines vs. Thailand.

https://medium.com/@dennis_13378/philippines-vs-thailand-which-country-is-better-for-affordable-senior-care-5c01325ff845

I extracted the below table that is included in the above hyperlinked article and you can see that the monthly cost range is very affordable - especially when I compare what we paid for my mother's end-of-life dementia care, which was around $9,000 to $9,500 per month, in Long Island, New York - exclusive of any additional fees if she fell down within the elder care center and had to be taken to the hospital via ambulance - as those were additional charges tacked onto the monthly invoice.

Note, the below chart is not specific to Chiang Mai - it seems to be for all of Thailand.  This article was written on Feb 25, 2026 - so it contains recent information.

above chart provide by: BetterCare.Today

 

@Londoner, here in Jomtien in the Grand Condotel complex grounds - in addition to the large Grand Condotel condo building, the grounds contain many villas - of which when you enter into the complex on the left side is located the

 

https://www.pattayanursinghome.com/?lang=en

 

Unfortunately, it is fully booked and they have expanded to a larger newer site that is further away from the beach.

I asked Grok to summarize what it thinks the cost would be for dementia care in this institution and it replied with information at their newer facility in Chaipruek that is further inland and away from the beach.

 

 

[floridarob]

17 hours ago, PeterRS said:

Does the illness affect more women, I wonder?

Age is the biggest risk factor for dementia. Because women generally have a longer life expectancy than men, there are significantly more women in the highest-risk age groups , those over 80 

[bkkmfj2648]

This came up on my Asean Now feed today - which is now run by The Thaiger.

https://aseannow.com/topic/1396562-thailand-ranks-second-in-2026-retirement-abroad-index/

It says that this survey ranking is new - but when I searched for the source reference - it seems to have been published in February 2026 - before the Strait of Hormuz crisis.  So, the situation in the Philippines has degraded somewhat after the President declared a National Energy Emergency.

Anyway, it is still an interesting read.

Here is the source document from the Expatriate Group 

https://www.expatriatehealthcare.com/best-countries-to-retire/

 

 

[garygx]

On 6/5/2026 at 9:55 PM, Olddaddy said:

But I'm still searching where exactly is the best place in the Philippines to retire 

Cebu is like a City ( mini Manila ) I didn't like it , beep beep beep 

Palawan ?

Boracay?🌴🏝️

Guys please check out Boracay 

Have you checked out Davao?

[t0oL1]

https://www.yahoo.com/news/science/articles/woman-advanced-alzheimers-regained-speech-110030383.html?guccounter=1

 

Woman with advanced Alzheimer's regained speech and memories after taking magic mushrooms

temporarily...

 

[bkkmfj2648]

2 hours ago, t0oL1 said:

temporarily

Wow fascinating.

I see that this psilocybin experiment was done in Brazil.

https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/neuroscience/articles/10.3389/fnins.2026.1813281/full

 

[t0oL1]

Wild - they STARTED out with FIVE GRAMS instead of a tepid micro dose.

And she sleeps for ~19 hours?