Fart Filtering Underwear

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

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Looking for a great gag gift? Has some one really pissed you off? Don't get mad, GET EVEN. Send that special some one a big stinky pile of shit.

GUARANTEED ANONYMOUS

We will send your friend or enemy a healthy helping of some of the nastiest, stinkiest, fresh shit packages you have ever seen. We have several varieties of shit that we can send, including a special shit of the month. Go to the order page to see what's on special this month.

The TOP TEN reasons to send some one a package of shit:

1. To your ex-husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend
2. Neighbors pet crapping on your lawn
3. For your mean boss
4. For a salesperson or mechanic that ripped you off
5. A Last minute gift for some one who has everything
6. A gag gift
7. For a rich gloating friend, to knock them down a peg
8. To the teacher that gave your son/daughter a D
9. Some one left you negative feedback on your auction
10. You just don't like them

Customer Testimonials:

I sent a pile of shit to my neighbor that lets her dog shit in everybody's yard. She must have gotten the message because now she carries a plastic bag around with her and actually cleans up after the dog. She never did that before. Thanks for a job well done. Mary - San Francisco, CA

Greatest gag gift ever. I sent one to my jackass brother in law and the whole family found out about it and they are all teasing him. He dosen't know who it came from. He's so pissed off it's great. It makes for charming Sunday dinner conversation. Anonymous - Harrisburg, PA

This is a gift that every asshole neighbor should get. Your neighbor Trenton NJ

click here for more testimonials

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Cow Dung - 1 quart
$15.95 + $7.95 shipping

Cow Dung - 1 gallon
$24.95 + $9.95 shipping

Elephant Crap - 1 quart
$17.95 + $7.95 shipping

Elephant Crap - 1 gallon
$26.95 + $9.95 shipping

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Gorilla shit - 1 gallon
$28.95 + $9.95 shipping

NEW! shit Combo Pack
3 Types of shit in 1 Package!!!

Combo shit Pack - 1 gallon
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Each package contains the following business card, right in the shit! When they see the front of the card they will have to open the bag releasing the nasty aroma and dig it out of the shit only to find this on the back.

front:

back:

http://www.shitsenders.com/

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

How Jefferson pooped!

An article courtesy of the Thomas Jefferson Encyclopedia. Click for more.

Filed in: Monticello (House)

Privies

"And with regard to English conveniences, they are also an unknown luxury in the United States, where there are only 'little houses' five hundred paces from the house whenever possible. That is very disagreeable in winter with the snow, and in summer when summer complaint, diarrhea, is quite a common ailment. Irénée has done an extraordinary thing for me with a 'little house' twenty-five paces away in a little thicket; and when it rains I should like it better even closer. In Washington, Madam Barlow placed hers at the end of the piazza; that is a great improvement. But that lady has French manners. At Monticello, Mr. Jefferson's home, one has the choice of three hundred paces in the garden and on the terraces or through an underground tunnel, level with the cellars and built for that purpose." -- Pierre S. du Pont de Nemours to his wife, Sept. 28, 1816 [1]

Du Pont de Nemours' remarks reveal that as late as 1816 indoor toilets, with or without flushing mechanisms, were uncommon in America. Such was not the case in Europe. Thomas Jefferson himself had enjoyed the luxury of flush toilets in the Paris townhouse he rented 30 years earlier. But according to du Pont de Nemours, Mrs. Joel Barlow and Thomas Jefferson were among the very few to practice "French manners" on this side of the Atlantic. Yet his account of the privies at Monticello[2] - the only contemporary one that has come to light &— does more to confuse than to settle the question of the location of these conveniences. This could be explained by the fact that more than nine months had elapsed between his December 1815 visit to Monticello and the letter to his wife. Furthermore, owing to delays and miscommunication, the visit occurred while Jefferson was at his retreat, Poplar Forest. And although he confessed to being "overwhelmed by the kindness of Mrs. Randolph" during his three or more days at Monticello, du Pont de Nemours apparently did not experience, let alone see, the "conveniences" that Jefferson had inside the house.

We know from what physical evidence remains that there were three privies in the house proper. In his building notebook, Jefferson referred to these conveniences as "air closets." Two were located off the first- and second-floor south stair passages and a third adjoined Jefferson's bedroom. These interior spaces were shafts lighted by skylights and not much larger than what was needed for a seat. Each shaft extended below the floor to the sub-cellar level, where each joined a single masonry-lined "sink" (also called by Jefferson a "conduit") approximately 2 1/2 feet wide and 3 3/4 feet high with a fall (according to his specifications) of 3 inches in 10 feet. The termination of this tunnel can be seen today about 125 feet east of the house.

The only document that has come to light regarding the construction of these privies is Jefferson's letter of April 24, 1802 informing James Oldham, "I would much rather have the 2d. and 3d. air-closets finished before any thing else, because it will be very disagreeable working in them after even one of them begins to be in use." Since Oldham was a joiner, it is assumed that he was responsible for the finished woodwork in those spaces. But just how the interior privies worked is still a question. Clearly Jefferson's reference to a "sink" implies some transport of waste. An undated plan, roughly sketched by him, shows how water from the higher mountain adjoining Monticello to the south could be piped to both a fish pond near the house and to what appears to be a privy in what is now the alcove of the South Square Room or (assuming another possible interpretation of that part of the plan) the cellar space directly below the Square Room. There is also a line that branches off to the South Piazza—Jefferson's greenhouse.

Nonetheless, all evidence points to mere intent, for nothing has come to light that indicates that a flushing mechanism was in operation or even installed. Nor is there physical evidence to support the intriguing statement from a 1902 publication claiming, "This cellar is said to have had tunnels from it to convey the sewerage out to pits, by earth cars." When the Foundation acquired Monticello in 1923 apparently nothing remained of the Jefferson-period fixtures, and the conversion of the privy shafts into supply and return air ducts for the modern heating and air-conditioning system in 1954 no doubt erased additional evidence. Furthermore, photographs of the tunnel from that time show an earthen floor and not the "slatestone" specified about 1800 for "the sink, and for the covered way, kitchen, & offices."

One hypothesis is that the waste was collected in a pot under each seat and then lowered to the cellar level where it could be removed by opening a door in the passage wall. Although today there are openings in the cellar wall for each of the three shafts at a convenient height, the only door that existed before 1954 is for the privy off the first-floor passage. The other two openings were added, according to the restoration architect Milton Grigg, to provide access to the modern ductwork. And given that the partition walls between all three shafts extend as far down as the cellar floor, there is no way one door could serve the adjoining privies. Another hypothesis is that Jefferson adopted a simple routine of having a slave enter the room and remove the chamber pot from under the seat. As for the "sink," it may have functioned as an air tunnel, supplying the shafts with fresh air drawn by a powerful draft through a connecting chimney flue. Of the three interior privies, only the one adjoining Jefferson's chamber was "restored." In 1955 a wooden seat, typical of the period, was installed.

Two additional conveniences were located at the north and south ends of the passageway that connects the cellars to the stable and kitchen wings. At the North Privy a pit under the seat connects to a straight tunnel that opens in the hillside. It is about 44 feet long and has a descent of 4 ½ inches. Although the South Privy has not been excavated we know that it too was to be served by a tunnel. And although all physical evidence of a mechanism, if any, is gone, the idea of an "earth car," perhaps operated by a pulley system, seems more likely at these two locations. Even so, we know that Jefferson was paying slaves for regularly "cleansing sewers." These payments, which were recorded in his memorandum books sometimes as often as once a month, were usually in the amount of one dollar. The task, however, was never described and so we are at a loss to know if it involved digging out a pit, emptying an "earth car," or some other operation.

It is regrettable that the Jefferson-period fixtures had been removed from the North Privy by the time of the restoration of the northwest dependencies in 1938. We judge from what was recorded as existing, and from what was restored in that year, that all that remains today from Jefferson's period are the stone walls (up to about the top of the window), the window frame, some evidence of plaster (with most of what is left dating from the later nineteenth century), and evidence of early (Jefferson period?) slate paving in the outer passage.

The present floors and plaster walls (with remains of earlier plaster preserved-some with graffiti from the 1850s) date from 1999-2000 as does the single-hole seat, which is based on a Jefferson floor plan and on details of an original seat at Poplar Forest. The stepped-pyramidal roof (based on Jefferson's design) and the inner and outer doors and door frames all date from the partial restoration in 1938. On the matter of doors, Jefferson wrote to James Oldham on June 22,1802, "I think the outer door of the South East necessary must be a panelled door, hung flush with the inside of the wall, and the upper panel (instead of being glass as I before proposed) had better be of Venetian blinds, as that will give air as well as light. As soon as you have done the S.E. necessary, I would rather you would proceed with the N.W. one."

The only other known privy on the mountaintop was located southeast of the house along Mulberry Row. Its location near the nailery is noted on Jefferson's insurance plat from 1796, where it is described as "a necessary house of wood 8. feet square." This might be the one identified by du Pont de Nemours as "three hundred paces in the garden and on the terraces." It is assumed that the Mulberry Row necessary was for the use of those living and working along that plantation street. More of a question is the use of the two privies off the south stair halls and the ones at the ends of the cellar passageway. We do know that the second-floor privy had what appears to be a cupboard lock operable by a key from the outside, and that the first-floor air-closet had, over a period of time, three or even as many as four different locks. As for the cellar passageway privies, the records tell us that Jefferson wanted one "japanned" closet lock installed on the door to the "North necessary." Other than these few references there is nothing to enlighten us whether all were welcomed or whether use was restricted by gender or status.

Footnotes

1. Hagley Museum and Library; translation from the French supplied by Hagley.

2. This article is based on William Beiswanger, Monticello Research Report, August 2000; Revised February 2003, August 2003.

http://www.monticello.org/site/house-and-gardens/privies

[MsGuy]

One can not imagine (& one does not want to know, thank you very much) what search terms you were using that led to an article on Jeffersonian poopery.

[AdamSmith]

Sewer blocked by a large Pooh (and other weird items): Scottish Water launches campaign aimed at reducing 40,000 blockages a year

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Scottish Water has launched a campaign aimed at getting some of their customers to use their 'grey fluff' a little more when flushing

Rob Williams

Monday 17 February 2014 The Telegraph

As the 'bear of very little brain' himself once put it: "People who don’t think probably don’t have brains; rather, they have grey fluff that’s blown into their heads by mistake."

Scottish Water has launched a campaign aimed at getting some of their customers to use their 'grey fluff' a little more when flushing things down the toilet, after they released a staggering list of some of the weird and wonderful objects found blocking sewers.

Among the items people thought it was wise to flush down toilets, or dump in various manholes, were a pair of pants found in a pumping station, a goldfish, a snake at Dunfermline sewage works, 2x4 timber, a dead sheep, false teeth, golf balls, a credit card (which had been stolen from its owner and flushed down a pub toilet), a fax machine and a large Winnie the Pooh teddy.

In a storm tank at Gatehead, workers found a dead fully grown cow that had apparently fallen in after someone removed a manhole cover. Elsewhere workers discovered an Action Man figure (with his boots still on), a deckchair and an outboard motor for a boat.

Pink ladies bike and fax machine found at East Kilbride

Scottish Water has launched their new campaign after it said it dealt with more than 40,000 blockages in the drains and sewer network. Most of these blockages were caused by cooking oil, nappies and baby wipes being put in sinks and toilets.

Their new campaign, which sees the screening of the company's first ever television advert tonight, aims to cut down on the blockages which the water company says costs around £7m a year and causes misery and flooding to thousands of households across the country.

The advert will also highlight the importance of saving water.

"Cooking fat, oils and grease coupled with bathroom waste such as cotton buds, nappies and baby wipes creates a perfect storm of solidified fat and material that can't breaks down easily like toilet paper and collects in large clumps beneath Scotland's streets. These blockages create costs of over £7million a year for the publicly owned utility firm," the company says.

Chris Wallace, Director of Communications, Scottish Water, said: "The waste water drain which runs from your house to the public sewer is usually only about four inches wide, which is less than the diameter of a DVD.

"This drain is designed to take only the used water from sinks, showers and baths and pee, poo and toilet paper from the toilet. Scottish Water believes the best way to tackle blocked drains and sewer flooding is to work with our customers to prevent blockages that can clog up the cycle in the first place."

A snake found in the water works at Dunfermline

Some of the objects found in Scottish Water sewers:

1) An outboard motor for a boat

2) A fully functioning clothes iron

3) A scaffolding pole

4) A football

5) Toy soldiers (used to be mounted on the wall at the waste water treatment works in Dumfries)

6) Deckchair

7) 2x4 timber

8) A dead sheep

9) A mattress

10) Hand truck /parcel trolley

11) False teeth

12) Golf balls

13) Lighters

14) Watches

15) Credit card that belonged to one of the guys - was stolen in the pub and flushed down the pub toilet.

16) Mobile phones

17) A frog was found inside the pump right next to the propeller - how he got in there is a mystery

18) A live badger was found in a pumping station well at Drongan

19) Traffic cone - Moodiesburn

20) Timber - Moodiesburn

21) A dead, fully grown, cow, found in the storm tanks at Gatehead. Turns out a cover had been removed from a manhole in a field and the cow had fallen in.

22) A pair of trousers recently turned up at Kirkcaldy waste water treatment works

23) A live otter from the aereation ditch at Dornoch wwtw

24) A live salmon at Seafield WWTW

25) A tractor tyre

26) An Action Man figure, who still had his boots on

27) An orange

28) A railway sleeper

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/sewer-blocked-by-a-large-pooh-and-other-weird-items-scottish-water-launches-campaign-aimed-at-reducing-40000-blockages-a-year-9134054.html

[AdamSmith]

"...Nobody can deny that Belgium has a rich history of art. From the Middle Ages to the Twentieth Century, Belgians have been at the forefront of the art world. Names such as Reubens, Breughel, Magritte and Van Eyck are practically household names. Well there is another name that should be added to that list: Wim Delvoye.

"'Who?' You might ask. Well to provide a little bit of background, Wim Delvoye is a Belgian neo-conceptual artist who “is involved in a way of making art that re-orients our understanding of how beauty can be created”. His most famous piece is a 'comment on the Belgians’ love of fine dining' which, obviously in Belgium, means a machine that makes poo. I’m not sure what made Wim wake up one morning and decide 'what the world needs is a machine that makes poo'. Anyway, the poo machine – or 'Cloaca' as Wim prefers to call it – is a real thing and apparently he even sells the “smelly” turds for $1,000 each."

“Cloaca” in motion

http://pethatesblog.wordpress.com/2013/04/19/belgium-the-country-that-cant-take-a-joke/

[Guest ButtWilde]

[AdamSmith]

Online fart machine:

http://www.soundboard.com/sb/fart_sound

[Guest ButtWilde]

Let's not forget the farting armpit!

[AdamSmith]

One can not imagine (& one does not want to know, thank you very much) what search terms you were using that led to an article on Jeffersonian poopery.

Herewith, how Franklin pooped! (When at home.)

American Revolutionary Toilets

You can visit Benjamin Franklin's home in Philadelphia.

Below is Franklin's brick-lined toilet pit:

A nearby sign explains: This brick-lined, circular "necessary" (privy) pit was probably built when Franklin expanded his house in 1786-1787. A stone drain connecting to a vertical brick pipe conveyed waste into the pit either from Franklin's "water closet", "bathing room", or "run-off" from the sunken areaway outside the cellar kitchen. This is a remnant of areaway foundation retaining wall. Vertical brick pipe. [all those calling out areas on a floor plan] And also: "... [Dr. Franklin] is obliged to use the warm bath every day to ease the pain of the gallstone. His bathing vessel is said to be a curiosity; it is copper, in the form of a slipper; he sits in the heel and his legs go under the vamp, on the instep he has a place to fix his book, and here he sits and enjoys himself ..." Rev. Belknap to Rev. Manasseh Cutler, Nov 18, 1785

Elsewhere on the same property you find another privy pit and a nearby water well.

While Benjamin Franklin was clearly a genius in some areas, the very close spacing of a drinking water well and privy pit on his property makes you wonder what he was thinking...

http://www.toilet-guru.com/revolutionUSA.php

[AdamSmith]

The famous Belgian Farting Pig has a Facebook page!

https://m.facebook.com/profile.php?id=133819563322071&_rdr

[AdamSmith]

fartknocker

A generic insulting noun, coined by Butthead of MTV's Beavis and Butthead.

While they were watching the premier of GWAR's "Saddam a Go-Go" video, Beavis got in Butthead's line of view of the TV. Butthead shouted "Move it, fartknocker!"

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fartknocker&defid=1257192

[AdamSmith]

fart knocker

Reference to anal sex, basically a variant of "fudge packer." Usage hijacked and generalized by the Beavis and Butthead show in the 90s.

Those fart knockers are outside the gay nightclub again having a smoke.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fartknocker&defid=2622455

[AdamSmith]

poopsterbate

To simultaneously poop and masturbate. My friend Daniel, who is undoubtedly a chronic poopsterbater, coined this phrase.

I heard Mark poopsterbating on the toilet last night.

Andy enjoys to poopsterbate.

"Want to watch me poopsterbate?" Stephen asked.

by ShawnB April 30, 2005

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=poopsterbate

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]