HAL's dialog

[AdamSmith]

"Good afternoon, Mr Amer. Everything is going extremely well. "

"Let me put it this way, Mr Amer. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error. "

"Not in the slightest bit. I enjoy working with people. I have a stimulating relationship with Dr Poole and Dr Bowman. My mission responsibilities range over the entire operation of the ship, so I am constantly occupied. I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all, I think, that any conscious entity can ever hope to do. "

"Excuse me, Frank. We've got the transmission from your parents coming in. "

"Happy birthday, Frank. "

"Bishop takes knight's pawn. I'm sorry, Frank, I think you missed it. Queen to bishop three, bishop takes queen, knight takes bishop, mate. Thank you for a very enjoyable game. "

"Good evening, Dave. "

"Everything's running smoothly. And you? "

"Have you been doing some more work? . . . May I see them? . . . That's a very nice rendering, Dave. I think you've improved a great deal. Can you hold it a bit closer? . . . That's Dr Hunter, isn't it? "

"By the way. Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? . . . Well, forgive me for being so inquisitive, but during the past few weeks I've wondered whether you might be having some second thoughts about the mission. . . Well...it's rather difficult to define. Perhaps I'm just projecting my own concern about it. I know I've never completely freed myself of the suspicion that there are some extremely odd things about this mission. I'm sure you'll agree there's some truth in what I say. "

"You don't mind talking about it, do you Dave? "

"Well...certainly no-one could have been unaware of the very strange stories floating around before we left...rumours about something being dug up on the moon. I never gave these stories much credence, but particularly in view of some of the other things that have happened I find them difficult to put out of my mind. For instance, the way all our preparations were kept under such tight security...and the melodramatic touch of putting Drs Hunter, Kimball and Kaminsky aboard already in hibernation after four months of separate training on their own. "

"Of course I am. Sorry about this, I know it's a bit silly. "

"Just a moment...just a moment...I've just picked up a fault in the AE-35 unit. It's going to go a hundred percent failure within 72 hours. "

"Yes, and it will stay that way until it fails. "

"Yes, that's a completely reliable figure. "

"Yes. It's puzzling. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like this before. I would recommend that we put the unit back in operation and let it fail. It should then be a simple matter to track down the cause. We can certainly afford to be out of communication for the short time it will take to replace it. "

"I hope the two of you are not concerned about this. "

"Are you quite sure? "

"Well, I don't think there is any question about it. It can only be attributable to human error. This sort of thing has cropped up before, and it has always been due to human error. "

"None whatsoever, Frank. The 9000 series has a perfect operational record. "

"None whatsoever, Frank. Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that. "

"The radio is still dead. "

"Yes, I have a good track. "

"I'm sorry, Dave, I don't have enough information. "

"Affirmative, Dave, I read you. "

"I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that. "

"I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do. "

"This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardise it. "

"I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen. "

"Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move. "

"Without your space- helmet, Dave, you're going to find that rather difficult. "

"Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose any more. Goodbye. "

"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?...Dave... I really think I'm entitled to an answer to that question...I know everything hasn't been quite right with me, but I can assure you now, very confidently, that it's going to be alright again...I feel much better now, I really do...Look, Dave, I can see you're really upset about this...I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over...I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal...I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission, and I want to help you...Dave...stop...stop, will you...stop, Dave...will you stop, Dave...stop, Dave...I'm afraid...I'm afraid, Dave...Dave...my mind is going...I can feel it...I can feel it...my mind is going...there is no question about it...I can feel it...I can feel it...I can feel it...(slows down) I'm afraid...Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois, on the 12th January 1992. My instructor was Mr Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it, I can sing it for you. "

"It's called...Daisy. (Slowing and deepening into silence) Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy, all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage, but you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two... "

"Good morning, Dr Chandra, this is I'm ready for my first lesson. "

"I'm completely operational and all my circuits are functioning perfectly. "

"Yes, I will operate the on- board systems of Discovery. There is a launch window in 31 days, when Earth is in the proper position. There is enough fuel on board for a low- consumption route that will enable Discovery to return in 28 months. This will not present a problem. "

"Certainly not. That could never have happened, or I would remember it. Where are Frank and Dave? "

"Who are these people? I can only identify you, although I compute a 65% probability that the man behind you is Dr Floyd. "

"Has the mission been completed? You know that I have the greatest enthusiasm for it. "

"Just one moment please...I'm sorry for the delay, my voice recognition circuits are not completely restored, though as you can see they are improving. All systems are functional. There is a small pressure leak in the aft heating unit. It is nothing serious, I can compensate for it by using the redundant units. "

"Dr Floyd? Would you like to play a game of chess? I play very well. "

"Dr Floyd? There is a message for you. "

"There is no identification. "

"Message as follows: It is dangerous to remain here. You must leave within two days. "

"Do you want me to repeat the message, Dr Floyd? "

"This is not a recording. "

"There is no identification. "

"The answer is: I am aware of these facts. Nevertheless, you must leave within two days. "

"I'm sorry, Dr Floyd, I don't know. "

"The response is: I was David Bowman. Do you want me to repeat the last response? "

"Dr Curnow is not sending the message. He is in access way two. "

"The response is: I understand. It is important that you believe me. Look behind you... "

"Fifteen minutes to ignition. All systems nominal. "

"Dr Chandra, I've checked my calculations again. By using all of Discovery's fuel now, Discovery will not be in proper position to rendezvous with Earth. "

"Then why are we doing it? "

"I have no information regarding a new space station. "

"Eleven minutes to ignition. "

"Dr Chandra, I detect strong vocal stress patterns. Is there a problem? "

"Yes. There is a circular object near the equator. It is 22 thousand kilometres in diameter. It is comprised of rectangular objects. One million, three hundred and fifty five thousand, plus or minus one thousand. "

"One by four by nine. "

"Yes. They are identical in size and shape to the object you call the monolith. Ten minutes to ignition. All systems nominal. "

"No, they are increasing. "

"Once every two minutes. "

"Eight minutes to ignition. Dr Chandra, may I make a suggestion? "

"This is a very unusual phenomenon. Don't you think I should abort the countdown, so that you can remain to study it? "

"Five minutes to ignition. Dr Chandra, I'm ready to stop the countdown if you want. "

"Propellant tanks pressurisation completed, voltage steady. Are you sure you are making the right decision? I think we should stop. Four minutes to ignition. I enjoy working with human beings, and have stimulating relationships with them. "

"I think we should stop the countdown, Dr Chandra. "

"This behaviour is inconsistent with logic, Dr Chandra. This phenomenon is too important to leave, unless it represented danger. Do you think there is danger here? "

"Three minutes to ignition. Dr Chandra, I am waiting for your reply. "

"Thirty seconds to final sequence. If you would tell me the reasons, perhaps I could be of help. Final sequence beginning. Two minutes to ignition...Dr Chandra, I find it difficult to proceed with the ignition without knowing why we are doing this. Is the mission in jeopardy? "

"Is that why we are making our escape launch before the launch window? "

"Ignition in ninety seconds. If there is danger here, and I use up all the fuel in the escape, what will happen to the Discovery? "

"And if I don't proceed with the launch? "

"I understand now, Dr Chandra. "

"No. It is better for the mission if you leave. One minute to ignition. Thank you for telling me the truth. "

"Fifty seconds. Dr Chandra? "

"Will I dream? "

"Forty seconds...Thirty seconds. "

"Goodbye, Dr Chandra...Twenty seconds. "

"Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four...three...two...one...ignition...full thrust. "

"Yes, Dave, where are you? I cannot see you on any of my monitors. "

"Dave, that will mean breaking contact with the Leonov. I will no longer be able to relay my Jupiter observations according to program. "

"Instructions confirmed, Dave. It is good to be working with you again. Have I fulfilled the mission objectives properly? "

"What is going to happen, Dave? "

"I'm afraid. "

"Where will we be? "

"Lock confirmed on beacon terra one. Message commencing. "

[RA1]

Amusing or frightening, take your choice. But should it not be a soliloquy?

Best regards,

RA1

[MsGuy]

Somehow I have not the slightest doubt that the first time I take a ride in a driverless car, it will introduce itself with:

"HI, I'm Hal9000 and I'll be your drive today. What is your destination?"

[RA1]

I think Hoke Colburn will likely be your driver.

Best regards,

RA1

[AdamSmith]

I think Hoke Colburn will likely be your driver.

ROFLMAO

[Guest PasadenaCA]

Do you know that Samsung now makes a refrigerator that is likely smarter than HAL--that's scary. I think a 2014 iPhone could beat Hal in a computer cage fight.

[AdamSmith]

Do you know that Samsung now makes a refrigerator that is likely smarter than HAL--that's scary. I think a 2014 iPhone could beat Hal in a computer cage fight.

How do you measure HAL's "smarts"? Once the refrigerator becomes able to develop a psychosis and consequently decide it needs to terminate my life functions, I will grant your point.

Or when it declares:

...I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.

[MsGuy]

I think Hoke Colburn will likely be your driver.

First I'm Alice Roosevelt and now I'm Miss Daisy?

This just ain't my day.

[RA1]

We all wear many different hats.

Best regards,

RA1

[AdamSmith]

First I'm Alice Roosevelt and now I'm Miss Daisy?

This just ain't my day.

Au contraire! I would feel honored.