All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.
Yet even the happiest homo, the burliest gay bear, and the tightest twink have to work sometime. And, in this day and age, our work will often take us far away from home.
When that happens, even we sometimes has to grin and bear it – particularly when sent to a less than fabulous town like Charlotte, North Carolina.
The sad truth is that Charlotte is a town many nighttime divas, weekend drag queens, and straight-acting studs will find themselves in for business. It’s a huge banking hub on the East Coast and more and more businesses – including Wachovia and Bank of America – have set up their headquarters here.
At first, visiting Charlotte seems promising – after all, it is called “The Queen City!” Alas, there are no gay neighborhoods, and most of the gays and lesbians are not particularly out of the closet.
In fact, you’ll find that overall Charlotte is mostly a boring banking town without much fun going on – even for straight people!
This is what happens when you don’t have enough queers in your village – you don’t get any flair or fabulousness!
That said, the people here – they call themselves Charlottans – have money and the economy is booming. So, you’ll find good shopping and restaurants. It’s the fastest-growing city on the East Coast, and the fifth fastest-growing city in America – so eventually it will become gay fabulous – and we’ll find a way to teach those bankers how to let their hair down – and hopefully to go down!
And even though you are smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt, you’ll find that Southern charm and manners will keep even the most fantastically flamboyant gay from getting hassled in public.
Still, Charlotte is the birthplace of Evangelical Preacher Billy Graham, and there are more than 700 churches in this tiny city – so be prepared to hear people talk about Jesus, handle snakes, and love both types of Bush.
Getting laid in Charlotte will be a challenge even for the studliest stud, the most delightful diva and delicious boytoy out there. The gay bars here are fairly discreet and are scattered hither and dither around The Queen City.
Since there are no gay publications to guide you through the underground scene, you’ll have to simply look for subtle rainbow-colored stickers outside the local bars. Almost every neighborhood has at least one gay bar – though few advertise as such, and the scene changes a lot.
Think of finding gay men and their hangouts as a way to exercise the full extent of your gaydar. Who knows, maybe you’ll get a Log Cabin Republican to praise Jesus as you bend him over in your hotel room. Just be prepared for him to check out the Gideon Bible when you are through with him!
If you have some time to kill during the day, you’ll probably want to take your divine self out to the Mint Museum Of Art.
It has a large collection of Renaissance-era paintings, constantly changing exhibits, and examples of Revolutionary-era metal works. Because of the money pouring into Charlotte from the banking industry, the Mint Museum is well funded and absolutely fantastically beautiful!
You can easily pass a few hours of your time here – and the art is actually worth the effort to check out.
Oh my God!
They blinded us with science!
Seriously, Discovery Place is a fanfuckingtastic museum dedicated to educating the public about science and nature and how they affect our daily lives.
There is a bootylicious butterfly garden, as well as tons of exhibits including a fully enclosed rain forest, examples of local flora and fauna, and an entire section dedicated to the study of the human body!
It’s a wonderland for any geeky gay boys and the men who love them – you know who you are, darlings!
If you feel like taking in a show at night, the North Carolina Blumenthal Performing Arts Center is a fantastic way to spend a few hours of your precious time.
It is the home of the Charlotte Symphony Orchestra, the Charlotte Repertory Theater, Opera Carolina, North Carolina Dance Theater, Carolina Voices, the Charlotte Philharmonic Orchestra, Moving Poets Theater of Dance, and the Carolinas Concert Association.
There is always something going on here, and occasionally they feature the touring companies of Broadway productions. It’s worth giving them a call and seeing what will be on during your visit.
After all, every boy knows that performance art can be divine – and soothes the local savages!
Charlotte is home to its own Gay Men’s Chorus – whose primary activity is to perform a holiday concert for charity performance every year called “Holly Daze!” It’s held in a local Episcopal Church – and takes a campy look at what life is like during the holiday season for gay men in Jesus Land.
Think of it as a little oasis and a potential cure for any dry spells you may be having trying to score man meat in North Carolina!
If you haven’t been to the gym lately – or want to make sure you don’t pack on any extra pounds while you eat grits and other fatty southern cuisine – you might want to hook up with the Queen City Tennis Club.
This club – which is open to all members of the public, including tourists – is the city’s all gay and lesbian group dedicated to playing tennis. You can contact them before you arrive to find out when and where they’ll be playing during your stay, and they’ll help you find someone to play with!
Then, it’s simply your job to serve him an Ace!
If tennis isn’t your game, or if you simply like your men a little rougher, you might want to see the Charlotte Royals – a gay rugby team that plays almost every Sunday in the spring, summer and fall.
The Royals are beariliciously big and husky – and attract a crowd that loves to tackle and cums to scrum!
Even if you don’t understand the game – you’ll still get to watch men get sweaty and play with balls – and be able to cruise for cock in the stands!
While not actually in Charlotte, North Carolina does hold an annual Gay Pride Parade in nearby Durham, on the Duke University East Campus.
Since 1981, several thousand studs, dykes, fags, queers, drag queens, studs, and divas have come out, gone down, and pined for penis each September in one of the nation’s smallest but most enthusiastic Pride parades.
The good news for you is that these southern boys don’t have a lot of options to get laid – so they’ll be easy prey for your lecherous charms.
I also like to commune with nature itself once in a while, and if I’m visiting Charlotte, the McDowell Nature Center And Preserve is exactly my cup of sweet southern tea!
Here you’ll find more than 1,110 acres of untouched and pristine flowers, grasses and assorted wildlife.
It’s been left mostly untouched by man, so you can amble about and forget that you are in a big city.
You could even stop and smell the roses!
When it comes to business travel, you have to take the good with the bad and sometimes work hard to find fabulous – but it’s always there somewhere.
In fact, we have always thought there was a reason all those Bible Boys like to get down on their knees at least once a week!
So, if you have to stay in Charlotte for business – or any other reason – you’ll be able to find something and hopefully someone to do during your stay!
Just take our advice and you’ll find whatever gets you through the night in Charlotte!