Gay Madrid – A Garden Of Earthly Delights
I’m sure that, like me, you’ve now crossed Moscow off your gaycation list. But where else can you go if you want to hit Europe and are done with the beach thing?
Well, there are lots of options; but if you want to get down and dirty, one of the best-kept secrets is the landlocked city of Madrid, Spain. The city is a sexual carnival, and you can get down day or night.
The capital of Spain, Madrid is much cheaper than Barcelona – and doesn’t have tons of drunk straight British dudes going up and down its streets. It is one of the safest cities in Europe, with nice weather nearly year ’round and tons of things to keep you amused.
Homophobia is nearly non-existent, you can get a good gin and tonic for about three euros, and if you smoke, cigarettes cost you nearly nothing.
Liberal drug laws mean that in many establishments bartenders will actually offer to sell you pot and cocaine, at far lower prices than you’d find in the U.S. There are some of the best tapas bars in the world, and everyone is down for having a gay old time.
So, my bootylicious bottoms, cute little queers, and out-and-proud pretties let’s take a journey to the wonderful world of gay Madrid.
The Gayborhood in Gay Madrid
Chueca, located in the center of the city, is the main gayborhood, and potentially more gay than the Castro in San Francisco. You’ll know you are there when suddenly every poster you see on a wall is for a gay hook-up site or strip club.
There are several dozen gay bars and clubs here – each one raunchier than the one before. It’s nearly impossible to find a gay bar or club that doesn’t have a dark room where anything goes.
Whether you want to give head, be whipped in a dungeon, head to a special back room, or get pissed on by a bunch of studs, you’ll find a bar or club that suits your tastes.
The action tends to heat up around midnight and many of the hook-up places are open until 7 or 8 in the morning. Many of them only take cash, so hit an ATM before you go. Don’t worry too much about getting mugged or gay-bashed – there are cops on nearly every corner at night to keep the crime rate low.
Chueca is probably the safest place you’ll ever go to get your slutty gay on, so make the most of it and bang your balls away!
The Devil’s Cruise
Madrid has many cruising spots, but the hottest and most populated one – day and night – is in Parque del Retiro. You’ll find the area easily because it is around the only giant public statue of Satan in the Western world.
Another popular cruising area is the FNAC electronics store in the dead center of the city. Go up to the third floor – where they sell DVDs – and go in any of the bathrooms. I guess this is what happens when online piracy ensures that nobody goes to buy DVDs anymore unless they want to get screwed.
Of course, there are also dozens of gay saunas, most of them in the gayborhood, that are active night and day. There’s pretty much no trick to getting dick in Madrid.
Rent Boys Galore in Gay Madrid
Prostitution is legal in Madrid, and that fact combined with the higher than 20 percent unemployment rate means that there are tons of rent boys everywhere. Male brothels and escort services advertise with giant posters. There are boys in every bar and club. Even the saunas have their fill of pay-for-gay dudes.
You’ll end up paying roughly half what you would for ass in London or Paris, so if you want to bust your nut, go nuts.
Gay Events in Gay Madrid
The number of gay events in Madrid is truly astounding. Their Pride parade, held every June, is the largest in Europe and attracts more than 2 million people. A week before that, you get Bear Pride.
In May there is the Sleazy Madrid celebration – which is even dirtier than you think it will be. In December is Mad Bear Week, for all of you who like your men a little fat and furry.
There are dozens of other gay events throughout the year, all of which you’ll see advertised at the various bars and clubs.
The Prado museum is a ten-minute walk from the gayborhood, and is one of the greatest museums in the world. It features The Garden Of Earthly Delights, as well as a selection of great Spanish and French artists.
Sol Square is gorgeous. The Temple de Debod is an ancient Egyptian temple completely rebuilt in Madrid. The Royal Palace is incredibly beautiful.
Let’s Get Delighted In Gay Madrid
Ok, now that you have the skinny on the twinkalcious town of Madrid, let’s meet for some tapas – or to tap some ass!