Love you Lookin...

Right back atcha, Hi. The last time I saw so many softballs was when Coach moved me into Girl's P. E.

You wouldn't know it from the blatant highjacking, but I've been thinking a lot about the original question. When I first met my partner, he was just moving to the big city and I already had a good job. Even though I was already paying the rent and could handle food and entertainment for two, it was important to me that he find a job and help share expenses. Like the OP, I wanted a relationship where both of us contributed financially. In retrospect, I wish I had been less hidebound.

We drifted apart after a few years and then got back together at a time when he wasn't able to work a regular forty-hour week. By then, I was earning more than I needed and had a much broader view of the different kinds of relationships that were possible. I was happy to cover things financially, as that was easy for me. And, for a period of time when it wasn't, he dipped into his savings to help with expenses. And he did a great job of making sure we were both having fun.

Recently, I stayed with a couple of friends who have been together for a long time. One of the guys takes care of most of the expenses, while the other guy has created a beautiful home and makes sure there's a gourmet meal on the table every evening.

Though I think it's possible to have an unhealthy relationship where one person is a giver and the other is a taker, I've come to the conclusion that there are a lot of healthy relationships where both partners give what they are best at and that financial contribution is only one small part of what makes a good partnership.

It may be good to be wary until trust builds up in a relationship but, once that happens, I think that caring for one another, however that is shown, is by far the most important thing.

What a beautiful perspective on relationships here.. How can some biased people deny gay relationships after reading real and beautiful relationships we find among us...

I personally don't mind sharing what I have with people I love but will not like it when people take advantage of me.. But as a wiseman once told me that being able to give is a blessing so I will continue to give...

You wouldn't know it from the blatant highjacking, but I've been thinking a lot about the original question. When I first met my partner, he was just moving to the big city and I already had a good job. Even though I was already paying the rent and could handle food and entertainment for two, it was important to me that he find a job and help share expenses. Like the OP, I wanted a relationship where both of us contributed financially. In retrospect, I wish I had been less hidebound.

We drifted apart after a few years and then got back together at a time when he wasn't able to work a regular forty-hour week. By then, I was earning more than I needed and had a much broader view of the different kinds of relationships that were possible. I was happy to cover things financially, as that was easy for me. And, for a period of time when it wasn't, he dipped into his savings to help with the mortgage and other expenses. And he did a great job of making sure we were both having fun.

Recently, I stayed with a couple of friends who have been together for a long time. One of the guys takes care of most of the expenses, while the other guy has created a beautiful home and makes sure there's a gourmet meal on the table every evening.

Though I think it's possible to have an unhealthy relationship where one person is a giver and the other is a taker, I've come to the conclusion that there are a lot of healthy relationships where both partners give what they are best at and that financial contribution is only one small part of what makes a good partnership.

It may be good to be wary until trust builds up in a relationship but, once that happens, I think that caring for one another, however that is shown, is by far the most important thing.

As usual, a thoughtful and articulate response.

i started this topic because I found it interesting that a number of people here seemed to be "picking up the tab' for their 'boyfriends' and i wasn;t sure how that was different from 'boytoy'. I put "boyfriends" in quotes because that was the term they were using. We don't all use the term in the same way - in the context of the discussion, I was thinking of 'boyfriend' as something less than a 'partner'. I was curious if the practice had to do with financial disparities or some obligation/expectation based on roles (top, mentor, etc.)

For the record, it was never my intent to be judgmental. If my financial resources were significantly greater than those of someone I cared about, I wouldn't hesitate to carry more of the load.

It's never too soon to be topped.