mima_bk

As i learned with my Thai boyfriend or whatever he is: Just ask any question you have and shoot away. My impression is he will always answer in a honest way. But he would not bring up anything "difficult" by himself. It is a way of protecting the partner for them.

OK, this has absolutely nothing to do with anything of importance, really, but can anyone explain to me why they would have a left turn arrow on a traffic signal at an intersection but yet when the arrow is green, the light is also green for the oncoming traffic from the opposite direction straight ahead?!?  I was so confused by this, but could not help but laugh out loud.  The green arrow to turn left should be the only working light at that moment and the only traffic moving, but that was so not the case.  I do realize that traffic signs and signals in general seem to be more for decoration than actual rules of the road…but that was just mind boggling to me.  Do they even require driving tests here?  Not sure what it takes to actually get a license.  Supposedly, according to all of the guidebooks and travel websites, foreigners are not permitted to drive in Cambodia.  I do not know if they have rental car agencies. Not something I pursued.  However, foreigners are able to rent a motorbike even though according to the government it is forbidden.  This was not so noticeable in Cam’s hometown, but in Battambang and also in Siem Reap there are many shops that have bike rentals.  Think once I am actually living here full time we will consider the possibility of purchasing a car.  As much of a daredevil I think he is on the motorbike when I am not there, Cam seems to be nervous and afraid of learning to drive a car.  I am sure this will pass once he gets behind the wheel. lol

While someone may crash at our apartment on a rare occasion, the plan is to just get a one bedroom similar to what we have been doing on Airbnb rentals. So there will not be a lot of extra room. They are pretty much accustomed to staying with his mother's sister whenever they visit Battambang, so hopefully that will continue. I wouldn't really mind if someone stayed with us...just not the entire brood at one time.
All five siblings look very similar. The three girls are very much like their mother. Even though there is a gap of some 13 or 14 years between Cam and his brother, they really could be twins. They look alike and from a profile definitely have their father's features. Face on I do see their mother, just like the sisters. While it is always a possibility that they are not all biologically related, I don't believe that is the case. His parents have been together some 40 years. Those are rather personal questions that I may be curious about, but would never ask. Same as with his sister who is the seamstress. She and her husband are separated. They have three young boys elementary age. The sister lives with the grandmother. The boys live with their father. She does occasionally have them, but not often. No idea what the story is there, even though I am curious about the situation. I know Cam will sometimes go and visit the boys at school and treat them to like pizza or ice cream, but she did not have them over Pchum Ben and, as far as I know, did not go to see them or spend time with them. Again, while I may g very curious, Cam doesn't talk about the situation so I don't ask any questions. If and when he is ready to share the story with me, I will simply listen but not offer any comments or suggestions other than to provide empathy.

He is still in there somewhere. Remember, I am on Cam's home turf now and this is about learning his culture, family traditions, and basically integrating myself into the Cambodian way of life. Definitely not the experience I expected before my arrival, but hoping things will get back to what I did expect when we head to Battambang on Tuesday or Wednesday. Yes, the parents are still going to go with us, as well as his sister who is the seamstress. She has a few clients in Battambang she needs to see. So, it will continue to be a family affair, although his parents and sister will be staying with the mother's sister and family, while Cam and I will be in an Airbnb. Anxious to see how well the description and photos match from Airbnb, and praying for a hot shower.

Well, my mission is not to try and change the culture...either within Cam's family or in a more general sense. I learned a long time ago you cannot go into any type of relationship with the mindset that you will change the other person...or at least change the things you don't like about the person. The relationship is doomed to failure if that is your mindset from the very beginning. I might not be crazy about the excessive drinking, but I certainly know well enough to keep my mouth shut. Cam knows my history with drinking...from growing up in a house where smoking and drinking were strictly forbidden to my wild college days. He understands that I don't drink now primarily because of medication...nothing to do with abstinence or sobriety. When we are not around friends or family, he can go several days without having a single drink. And if he does have something, at the most it might l three beers. I cannot speak for the rest of his family and their drinking habits at home. But there is definitely something about that group dynamic...the pressure...whether family or friends. That is not uniquely Cambodian, by the way.
Anyway, I am not there to make or remake their lives into something more western. I am not here for some intervention for what westerners consider the ills of Cambodia culture and society. I am here to primarily focus on building a relationship together with Cam which will require a blending of both of our cultures and beliefs...merging them into something we both feel positive about without either one dominating the other.

Quick update…still in Cam’s hometown.  As I suspected, nothing has gone according to plan…at least my plan.  lol.  There are so many things to unpack and report on here that it will probably take several days for me to gather my thoughts and post something.  I am still alive, although I am about reaching my limit of family time.  lol.  Growing up in a small family, I have not had the experience of so many people for an extended period of time in very close quarters.  Five siblings, three spouses, two parents, and 14 children ranging in age from 8 months up to 12 years old.  Keep in mind the house is small and elevated.  The inside is primarily for sleeping at night.  Because it is so small, mostly the females and children sleep there…plus me and Cam.  When I say wall to wall people…I mean that literally.  The males are sleeping in hammocks hanging from the rafters below the house.  This is also the hang out area during the day, the area where we eat and drink…and speaking of drinking, I have come to believe the entire family is a bunch of alcoholics.  I have never seen people go through so many cases of beer in one day.  Without stopping to think, they finish one can and immediately open another.  No pause or hesitation whatsoever.  Needless to say, Cam and I have had a couple of conversations about the excessive drinking among all of the adults and he has tried to refrain or limit his consumption…at least when I am looking. lol.  Please don’t misunderstand…I am not a teatotaler and have had my share of alcohol over the years.  I do not drink now due to medication I take for my heart and both my primary doctor and the cardiologist have warned me not to drink because of the medication.  Even in my college days, I never consumed alcohol like these people have the last week. We are talking 10 or 12 cans at lunch time alone per person.  I am surprised they don’t all pass out within a couple of hours, but by dinner time it starts all over again and then with karaoke in the evening.
Since Pchum Ben is a Buddhist holiday, I assumed it would be more mellow and reserved…religious in nature.  Yes, we go to temple every day.  Yes we make food offerings to the monks.  But once we return to the house from the temple or pagoda as they call it, it is like the gates of hell have opened up and swallowed everyone.  Even though the official public holiday is three days (October 10-12), Cam’s entire family is here for an entire week.  I expected them all to return to their respective homes on Monday, the last official day of the public holiday, and then we would travel to Battambang on Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest.  I also expected the holiday to be much more conservative as a Buddhist holiday, but this place is really party central.  I have no clue if other families celebrate in the same manner.  Since this is my first time to be in Cambodia or experience this holiday, I have no comparison.  If nothing else, with the entire family here for one week the males have been able to complete the fence project.  It actually turned out quite nice.  I had my doubts initially, and was not very sure how they planned to use the rolls of wire mesh.  As it turns out, they built frames…sort of like a picture window frame…and stretched the wire mesh around the steel frame to make a panel.  Then they installed the panel on the upper portion of the brick wall and between the concrete posts.  Using the steel they also made a door frame and a framed wire mesh door that will open, close and lock on the very back wall.
I can tell Cam’s mother enjoys having the family here, but she is very tired.  His sister’s all help with meal preparation, as does the brother’s wife, but it is still a lot of extra work for his mother.  Her health is not the best, so I do worry about her doing too much.  I said something to Cam a couple of times, and he, too has noticed how tired she is the longer everyone is here.  I don’t know if he has quietly said something to his siblings or not.  Yesterday he said to me she was not well.  When I asked him this morning he only said better.  The two oldest grandchildren help out some as well.  The others are more in the way than anything.  They are too little to notice what is happening.  I guess since all of the siblings except the seamstress have their own business they are able to simply close up for the week.  In fact, many businesses are closed over the official three days.  It was quite strange going to the local market to find many stalls closed.

Interesting comment, as these are statements I hear from Cam often. Had no clue where this was coming from until this trip, nor how indoctrinated it is into the Cambodian culture. As I have said before, I tread softly when it comes to things like this. I let him vent, listen intently and nod, but rarely comment.

My ex Cambodian guy wears one (not given by me). A plain gold ring like a male wedding band as you said, but on his middle finger. Cambodians love gold accessories as much as Thais do, though the obsession doesn’t run as deep since many can’t afford gold. Rings in Cambodia have the usual partnership and commitment implications as anywhere else, but they can also be given by a special older friend to a younger one. And while there can be some suggestion of romantic partnership it is not as symbolically specific as the Western giving of rings. In my guy’s case he was gifted the ring by an overseas older Cambodian sponsor who bought another ring for another boy at the same time.
Generally the baseline message is “there is someone in my life who loves and cares enough about me to buy me an expensive ring” and also a bit of a flex that you are wearing the equivalent of 10-15000 baht on your finger, when everyone is on minimum wage. And a suggestion that you are “spoken for” but not necessarily as I know as my guy continues to wear his ring even after he and his sponsor parted ways. As does a Cambodian girl i know who still wears a diamond-looking ring from a past engagement.
TLDR looks nice, is a flex
one important thing to note @jimmie50 is that Cam’s wearing of a ring reflects well on you as it does him in front of friends and family

My advice: Don't overthink so much

I'm sure @vinapu has some wiser words that his grandmother or mom would've said 😉

Situations sound very similar. Cam was 16 when he went with his father and brother to work construction. He did not stay at that time, but returned home when his family did. When they returned after he was 18, he did stay behind on his own and has worked many different jobs. He has one Cambodian friend who I believe is from Battambang who worked at Hotmale and persuaded Cam to start working there. To be honest, his friend had tried to get him to work there many times but Cam always refused. Whatever the reason was that changed his mind, I suppose I should be grateful as otherwise we probably would have never met. Cam is the youngest and has no family. I don't know that the rest of the family expects him to care for his parents...but Cam definitely has that sense of responsibility. Large family with five siblings, but the rest are all married and have families to take care of and full time employment. The family is close and I am sure they all help his parents as needed, but I think Cam feels the responsibility is mainly his now.

That's alright. It is not as if the Thais are dying for his approval or the approval of the Viets in general. The Thais, generally, dislike the Vietnamese because they find them rude, pushy and confrontational. The issues with Viets working in the Bangkok bars have been discussed on the forums before - issues of attitude and behaviour. The Viets do appeal to the loud, rude, pushy Chinese, though. Birds of a feather and all that. The Thais, however, do not like that kind of behaviour. They do not like the confrontational behaviour of the Viets and Chinese.
What I consider truly idiotic, though, is when people go to a foreign country to make money and then complain that the people of that country aren't changing to accommodate the immigrants/invaders. You see that happening with the dark hordes invading the U.K. too. You find Indians who complain that laws are actually being enforced, Pakistanis upset that they can't even beat their wives in the privacy of their own homes or about the menu in the school canteen not being halal; Africans complaining that they aren't able to mutilate their daughters' genitals (euphemistically called "female circumcision") etc. In Thailand, you have the Viets complaining that the Thais are unpleasant to them just because they are rude, pushy, dishonest and confrontational, or because they steal cats and cook them. The correct answer, whether to the hordes invading the U.K. or Viets who have crossed two international borders to work in Thailand (often illegally ) is the same: fuck off back to your own miserable country if you are not happy here.

The issue between the Cambodians and Thais is a very different one than the Thais' distaste for the Vietnamese. Between the Thais and the Khmer, there is almost a millennium of shared history, with much of it being confrontation. The Khmer are acutely aware that the Thais destroyed their empire, reducing it to the rump state of Cambodia, while incorporating most of it into Siam. They are also acutely aware that the Siamese derived so much of their high culture, including the rituals of Kingship, from the Khmer and so they, rightfully, say that the Thais copied us - but that was centuries ago. The roles have since been reversed and the Thais look at the Khmer the way the Romans looked at the Greeks: yes, we took from you, but we became bigger and better than you.
For the last four centuries, culture has tended to flow in the opposite direction - from the Siamese to their Cambodian vassal state. Cambodia paid tribute to Siam before the French made it a protectorate. Certainly today, pop culture flows from Thailand to Cambodia, not the other way around - and it is the Thais who say the Cambodians copy everything we do. So there is a certain degree of looking down on Cambodians. Add to that the unresolved border issues and you can see why there is a degree of resentment on both sides.
With that said, the Thais generally treat the Cambodians who come to work in Thailand well. They don't dislike their attitude the way they dislike the rude, pushy Vietnamese. Thai men are also fond of Khmer women because they have bigger breasts. Some might recall that during the Covid border closures, Thailand did extremely well in managing the pandemic initially - and then there was suddenly a second wave. That second wave began when an entertainment venue in Bangkok imported a bunch of Cambodian girls for a bunga bunga party at which a Thai cabinet minister was present. The girls were infected with Covid and the infection spread rapidly. Even knowing the risks, the Thai men were determined to get their hands on those lovely Khmer breasts that are so wonderfully depicted on Angkor Wat.
You also see the Thai acceptance of the Khmer in the only sporadic anti-Khmer incidents during the recent round of border confrontations. The millions of Cambodians working in Thailand did not leave because of anti-Cambodian sentiment among the Thais, they left because Hun Sen demanded they return to Cambodia in an effort to harm the Thai economy during the confrontation. The Thai tolerance for the Khmer also has to do with the fact that there are many Thai citizens of ethnic Khmer descent, particularly in the border areas, such as in Surin, where Khmer is widely spoken. The Khmer are very much a part of Thai society.
So, in short, the rivalry between the Thais and Cambodians is a historical one and still ongoing; and that is quite different from the Thais' distaste for the rude, pushy, ungrateful Vietnamese.

As I said, I really don't know anything about rules or regulations in Cambodia regarding the barber profession...if they even exist. To be honest, that isn't a question I have asked Cam, but probably should. In fact, let me ask him now...okay...there is no requirements for education, no license or certification in Cambodia. If he opens his own shop, depending on where it is located he would need to follow the local business license requirements...that is all. There are actually a couple of barber/cosmetology schools in Phnom Penh and Siem Reap, but no standardized curriculum or requirement to attend any school.
Once the new house is finished and I am here full time, I don't know that Cam will be as available to help out his sisters with their businesses...especially if he is learning to be a barber and then has his own shop or is working in a shop on a regular basis. He may still do some construction work for his brother. The venture with goats and turtles will involve his father as well. Turtles won't require too much work. His father used to have 100 chickens on the property. They sold them for meat and also sold the eggs. The goats will definitely require more attention. Not sure how all of this will eventually play out...more trial by error situation I think.
Volunteering in Cambodia is still considered a form of work, so you would need the proper visa (Business) and work permit. The retirement visa...which I have applied for...would not qualify even for volunteer work. I plan to do language exchange with interested persons and also need to learn how to do Khmer cooking. Again, I will just need to see how things play out once I am here on a full time basis.

Good question. Since he returned to Cambodia, the main focus has been on replacing the fence around their home property with something more substantial. He always refers to that as work...even though he doesn't pay himself a salary. He has primarily paid for that project from money he saved out of his earnings in Bangkok. His brother has his own construction business and prior to the fence project, he would work construction with his brother. He plans to continue doing that, but also has some other plans for the future. He also will travel to Poipet occasionally when needed to help out in his sister's store...if they need a break, children are sick, etc...and she compensates him for that. Same for the sister with the food cart. He will fill in for her and whatever he makes for that day on the cart he keeps. The sister who is a seamstress sometimes needs help cutting out fabric and materials from a pattern. She will pay him to help with that occasionally. They all have families and things happen. Sometimes they just need a break or have other obligations and commitments. For example, his sister with the store in Poipet needed to take the baby to see the doctor in Siem Reap at the Children's Hospital. Cam traveled to Poipet to run the store for a couple of days. It is all about family supporting family for him.
Once the new house is finished, he plans to raise goats. That is the reason for building the more substantial fence around the property. He also wants to raise turtles in the pond on the farm where the rice fields are located. He said both would be a good source of income. He also has a good friend in his hometown who has a barbershop/hair salon. Keep in mind I have no idea if this is legal or even something regulated by the government, but his friend teaches others how to be a barber and has offered to teach Cam. Cam has already purchased the equipment necessary to get started, but has not actually started lessons yet because of the fence project. He said that probably won't happen until after the new house is finished. He does not have enough time for that now. Once he has been trained, he could either open his own shop pretty much anywhere we might live, or work in an established shop. As I said, I have no idea if a license is required or any type of certificate.

I believe I have had this experience. lol...unintentionally I might add. My ex would get very annoyed with me when I would ask what something was before I would even try it. He wouldn't answer and just say 'eat it'. As a result, I learned a long time ago when we would visit his family in Taiwan to just try it. I take a bite. If the taste is ok as well as the texture, then I will eat more, enjoy, and don't ask questions. I am probably better off not knowing what it actually is, anyway. Texture is actually more important to me than taste. Anyway, when we were at Cam's parents there were a couple of different beef dishes and one in particular had that subtle crunch you mention. As for the frog, I have heard that it basically tastes like chicken...same for snake. I have not been brave enough to try either just yet. I think Cam told his mother when cooking to keep things simple and not too exotic. However, not sure what the upcoming holiday will bring in the way of food.

More musings…I cannot believe that I have not seen one 7-11 anywhere I have been in Cambodia.  What is up with that?  In fact, while there might be the occasional Mini-Mart type of establishment, there doesn’t seem to be one main company that is established.  They appear to be local establishments…similar to what Cam’s sister and brother-in-law own and operate in Poipet.  Many small carts that offer a variety of snacks and treats, but nothing as prolific as in other Asian countries I am familiar with.  Even at the airport in Singapore, they have 7-11 everywhere.  lol.
In case you were wondering, all of Cam’s immediate family stayed safe and avoided any damage during the recent floods.  Clear skies, heat and humidity have returned to most of the affected areas and water is gradually receding.  His sister in Poipet did not have any flooding in their area so the store was safe.  Since they were able to open but unable to restock, some shelves are nearly empty.  The tailor shop where his sister works as a seamstress was unaffected as well.  Sister with the food cart had a number of days she was unable to work simply because of the weather…same for his brother.  Construction was pretty much at a standstill, but his home and family was safe and dry.  Parents were safe and sound as well.  Too much rain even for the rice fields, so Cam isn’t sure about the farm.  His father will go and check in the next few days.  Extended family in Battambang did not fare as well and did have to deal with some flooding.
I think we may actually sign up for a tour of the temples.  Even though Cam has been before, he doesn’t really know much about the history to be able to answer my questions or provide too many details.  He actually did a tour himself when he visited.  There are any number of tour establishments, so it should not be too much trouble to join a group.

Just a quick update: Had a nice late afternoon ride out to the temple grounds.  It was actually very pleasant.  Stopped along the way for some fried bananas.  Decided to cook for dinner instead of eating out.  Nothing fancy…just used up some leftover rice I had stashed in the refrigerator from yesterday to make fried rice.  Used lardons for added flavor, tossed in some veggies, and the obligatory red chilies.  Cam will eat those things like candy.  I can handle two or three in most dishes, but three is my maximum.  Anyway, while we were eating I decided to pursue the conversation about gifting at holidays in general.  Basically, I was on a fishing expedition.  lol.  It would seem there are two holidays where money is given…Pchum Ben and Khmer New Year.  For both holidays, they always give to the parents.  For Kmer New Year they would also give to grandparents if they were still alive.  Cam has one grandmother still living.  They also give to young children…under 12.  Cam gave 100 Baht to each of his 14 nieces and nephews for New Year.  He gave 1000 Baht to his grandmother and 3000 Baht to his parents.  His siblings contribute to the fund collectively…as a couple, not as individuals…with the exception of his one sister who is currently separated from her husband.  He does not know what their arrangement is.  As is sometimes the case between us regarding communication, language can be an issue.  That seems to be the case here.  His intent was not to ask if I was going to give something to his parents, but was to ask me if I wanted to join him in giving something to his parents.  So it would be a gift from both of us to the family pool.  His parents actually never know who contributed how much as they all give the oldest sibling (brother) their contributions and he in turn puts it in an envelope and presents it to the parents.  So, I will definitely give Cam some money to participate in the gift.  Still debating about amount, but may decide to match Cam’s contribution of 8000 Baht.  I don’t think I will go over that amount as I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable about it.  He obviously wants me to feel included.

Having been in a ten year relationship with my ex who was from Taiwan, I am very familiar with red envelopes and the experience of gifting money to his parents, grandmother, niece, nephew, as well as weddings for family and friends. But then we were gifting as a couple...not separate entities. I need to engage Cam in more conversation about this, as has been suggested, to determine if this is a one off situation annually or there will be more times throughout the year. I also need to ask if the spouses of his brother and his sisters contribute separately or they contribute to the 'family pool' as a couple. I would say at this point his mother probably considers me as the spouse. Father is difficult to get a read on for me, so not sure what he really thinks or believes the situation is. He certainly makes me feel welcome and included. No idea what the siblings really think about the situation. This will be the first official family get together with the entire clan present at one time.

This is a very good question and indeed the basis of my recommendation earlier. I just assumed @jimmie50 was acknowledged as “son in law” already which maybe I should have stated
lol coming from an Asian background we are always calculating cash gifts especially for Chinese weddings, where the bride and groom expect red packet money to help them offset the cost of inviting you as a guest. It’s a complex calculation process based on how much the wedding would cost per head added to what the happy couple actually expects based on your relationship with them. And only straight couples bother with this irritating hoopla. Eventually I gave up and just started declining wedding invitations. There are entire online “guides” on how much to gift at weddings, to parents at Chinese New Year, to relatives and so on.
Regarding jimmie50’s situation my thought process was that he occupies the position of “spouse” or “son in law” and this is the first official festivity with them. There may be an expectation that being more senior than Cam and better financed, he contributes more. If Cam is contributing 8000, a 2000 baht increase to 10,000 seems sufficient to give face to all parties but without digging too big a hole. Jimmie and Cam do seem to have an excellent relationship where this like other gnarly issues can be discussed out. It may that Cam volunteers Jimmie contributes less say 5000 baht but I think it’s always appreciated to match or offer more. It really depends if he wants to set the tone he is part of the family or not yet.

Well, the subject of money finally came up today, but in a totally unexpected way. Cam and I were eating lunch and the subject turned to the approaching national holiday October 10-12, Pchum Ben. I am not sure if it is to honor, remember, or perhaps both...the ancestors. Cam was explaining it is a time for family to return home and enjoy time together. It involves 4:30am trips to the temple to make merit and offer prayers and at least one large family feast or meal together. During the discussion, he explained that to show honor and respect to parents you should provide them with a gift or an envelope containing money at the feast on the last day of the holiday. Naturally, we also discussed if we would be going. Just as a point of my being curious...I asked him if there was a set amount of money they tried to give his parents. He explained that each family is different, and it really boils down to what each family member is able to afford financially. Cam said he and his siblings (and their spouses) always pooled their money to give to their parents. They don't give a separate amount to his mother and something also to his father. It is collectively. I asked what he has contributed in the past. Rather than tell me in Riel, he said he tries to give 7000-8000 Baht which would roughly be a little over $200 USD. Pursuing this conversation, I did not anticipate what would happen next. In a simple matter of fact manner he asked me what I planned to contribute. Took me a little bit by surprise. Guess I truly am a member of the family. lol. Certainly do not mind contributing in this instance, but no idea what would be an appropriate amount from me. If anyone has thoughts or suggestions, send them my way. October 12 is still a couple of weeks away.

To be honest, it all happened so fast and I wasn't exactly asked. lol. I was told there was a change in plans and this is what we were going to be doing instead. I was not asked what my personal preference would be. It was definitely an experience I had not planned on, but as long as we were together I made do with the situation. That was more important to me. What is that expression...the things we do for love. LOL.

Unless you are very familiar with Cambodia, you are probably wondering where Banteay Meanchey province is located, and why on earth I would be heading there.  Well, the province is located about halfway between Siem Reap and the Thai-Cambodian border crossing at Poipet.  That is where Cam’s hometown is located.  It would seem that Cam’s father had decided this was the time they needed to go to the farm and fertilize the rice fields.  Cam’s home is not actually on the farm but located more in the small village or commune.  I am somewhat challenged in understanding the difference between village, commune, district, and province.  lol.  The farm is actually a good 45 minutes to one hour drive from Cam’s house in a very rural, isolated area.  We ended up staying at the farm for three nights.  There was no cell service and electricity was spotty.  It was very rustic and reminded me of when I was in junior high and high school and would go to church camp in the summer or on work missions with the church youth group to Belize in Central America.  When you are 13-17 years old, you don’t mind rustic so much and look at it as more of an adventure.  However, when you are mid-70’s it contained almost no excitement for me.  The only good thing was having Cam there beside me for the ordeal.  Cam, his father, and his father’s older brother tended to the rice fields and completed spreading the fertilizer.  There is a small ‘building’ at the farm where we stayed.  For lack of a better word, I refer to it as a shack, but certainly did not have any of the comforts of home.
As I expected, the fence project did not get completed before my arrival.  As a result, once we finished at the farm we went to Cam’s house for the remainder of the first week so that the fence could be finished.  Cam’s brother could only help for a few days because he had other work lined up and would need to return home.  Since the brother has his own construction business, he had the knowledge and the tools needed to finish the fence.  This is why it became necessary for us to spend several days on the front end of my trip at Cam’s house with the family.  I was well aware of the fact that internet connection at his home is not always the greatest or reliable.  Something we have been dealing with since we both returned home.  In addition to that, electricity is very expensive in Cambodia.  Since we were at his parents house for several days, in addition to feeling like it would be very rude to spend time on my computer when his family was going out of their way to make sure I felt welcomed, I also did not want to ‘plug in’ too many devices.  I did charge my cell phone as needed and my watch every night.  Consequently, I have not been online to make any posts until now.

We are now back in Siem Reap and will stay here for one week.  Getting here was a challenge because of seven or eight days straight of torrential rains.  Flooding is quite severe in many areas.  Some roads are closed or probably should be closed due to the flooding.  It is not isolated to any one area, but most of northwest Cambodia is under water.  There is finally a little bit of blue sky and sunshine today, although the forecast still calls for rain later this evening.  We will be doing some sightseeing this week, as well as taking care of business.  I need to do the visa extension process to get the retirement visa.  There are a number of businesses in Siem Reap that provide this service.  I have narrowed it down to two based upon recommendations from the online Facebook expat group in Cambodia.  A little apprehensive about letting go of my passport, but no choice in the matter.  It has to be sent to Phnom Penh.
As far as me and Cam…things are going quite well.  We have picked up right where we left off in our relationship…have not skipped a beat.  Cam was always very attentive and showed affection towards me.  If anything, that has increased…regardless if his family is around or not.  It did not seem to bother anyone in the least, and his mother was constantly fussing over me.  I will say that Cam is slightly different away from the Bangkok scene…in a good way.  Even though he might hang out with friends, these are real friends he has known his entire life.  In Bangkok, just by nature of the work environment and his so-called ‘friends’ there, he would drink quite heavily and usually hard liquor.  His hours were very different as well…sleep all day and up all night.  Of course, when we were living together away from Silom, during those three months he was more regulated and what I call normal daily routines and sleep habits.  Being back in Cambodia, he is usually in bed by 10pm and up around 6:30am to prepare for work.  He might have one or two beers when out with friends, but that is not very often.  He loves spending time with the nieces and nephews, is really great with them, and they all seem to adore him as well.  All in all, it just is very natural and comfortable.  As I said…we have not skipped a beat.

I doubt if it is of much interest to anyone, but after posting on this Board and its predecessor gaythailand.com for 20 years, it is time to call it a day. For my first 13 years I wrote so much about the gay venues in Bangkok – and several other Thai cities – as like many on this Board sex was a major interest. But far from my only one, as those who have criticised my longer posts know only too well. I have posted a large number of photo essays of the trips I have made, both within Thailand – as for example the amazing Ubon Ratchathani Candle Festival, the equally fascinating Dansai Ghost Festival and the gorgeous beach at Khao Lak as well as the trips one can make from there. Photo essays have included a host of countries near Thailand like Nepal, Bhutan, several from Japan, and further afield like the Iguazu Falls, Patagonia, the Arctic Circle, Talinn, Petra, Iran, New Zealand, several on Taiwan and quite a few more.
Having been partnered for six years now and with no desire to visit my old gay haunts in Thailand like my partner, I restrict myself to occasional gay posts about Taipei and perhaps a couple of other cities outside Thailand. I no longer fit in with the interests of most Thailand posters. My curiosity about Japan where I lived for some years and other Asian countries is now almost totally restricted to my own interest in history, culture and society which really demand longer posts which some posters just do not like. Fair enough! This is not a blog site.
Let me add this is not a sudden decision. After thinking about it for several months, about ten weeks ago I wrote to inform @TotallyOz whom I met a couple of times in our go-go bar visiting days. I thanked him for running this Board and letting me contribute regularly all this time. Long may the Board continue.

lol. I guess I must be the adventuresome type of person.  Either that, or some might say I live in a state of sheer stupidity.  You are 100% correct.  I have never been to Cambodia.  In fact, until I met Cam, Cambodia was never even on my radar other than knowing it was a country in Southeast Asia that borders Thailand, Laos and Vietnam.  I was in high school during the Vietnam War and vaguely recall news stories about the bombing of Cambodia by America, but never really knew much about the country other than that until I met Cam.  To my knowledge, I have never met anyone from Cambodia until meeting Cam.  I have since met some of his friends, all of whom are Cambodian.  Of course, the friends are all located in Bangkok, so that will not be very useful if we are in Battambang, Cambodia.  I have been trying to educate myself as much as possible about the culture and the history.  There are a number of good documentaries available that provide a historical perspective from different viewpoints.  Several books were recommended to me by forum members as well, which I ordered from amazon.com and they were waiting for me when I returned from Bangkok.  I have finished two of the four books and am about halfway through the third one.  Basically, it’s like cramming for an exam.  Never tried Khmer food.  In fact, I have tried to locate a restaurant in the Denver area that specializes in Khmer cuisine to no avail.  There is one place that is located inside a bar that has a fusion menu of different Southeast Asian and American foods combined.  Not very authentic.  There are some Cambodian restaurants in California, but nothing I ever tried when living there.  I have downloaded an app on my phone and am attempting to learn the language…or at least a few important phrases for my first visit there.  While I am looking forward to reuniting with Cam on my upcoming trip in September, I would say this trip is also a fact-finding mission to see if this is something I can really do at this stage in my life.
When I moved to California more than 35 years ago, I only knew one other person.  That move was never planned but an accident.  The one person I knew was a friend who was transferred by his company from Atlanta to San Francisco.  He recruited a number of his friends to help with the move.  I was one of those friends.  I drove the U-Haul truck across country that contained all of his belongings as well as his dog beside me in the cab of the truck.  My plan was to spend a few extra days sightseeing and then fly home. My friend had paid for the plane ticket in exchange for helping with the move.   I discovered that I really liked California and the idea of living there.  I gave myself one week to see if I could find a job…and the rest is history.  Before meeting my ex-boyfriend, I knew nothing about Taiwan nor had ever visited the country.  We even lived there for more than a year because of visa issues he had in the US.  I thoroughly enjoyed that time and would look forward to our annual trips to visit his family during the ten years we were together.  I didn’t know anyone there, knew little about the history or culture of the country, but managed quite well.  I even took classes at a local university to learn the language.  Yes, the move to Denver from San Jose was to be closer to my family…more specifically to my nephews.  After my parents retired, they moved to Florida and as they got older both had health issues.  When things got really bad, both me and my sister made multiple trips back and forth to Florida dealing with the various problems.  It was challenging for us both to deal with these things long distance.  Since I never had children, as I get older the burden of caring for me will fall to my nephews.  In fact, the younger nephew is one of the persons named legally in documents if anything ever did happen to me and I was unable to make decisions or take care of myself.  I did not know a single person other than family when I moved to Denver.  I had never been to Denver before.  But I made the move so that my nephews would not be put through the same ordeal as me and my sister with our parents.  Moving to a place totally foreign to me and not knowing anyone seems to be a pattern most of my life.
Do I have some concerns…of course…but you don’t know until you try.  I won’t know if this is something I can really do at this stage in my life unless I actually go and spend some time there.  Come September I will get that opportunity for approximately ten weeks.  If all goes well, I will return in early 2027 once the new house project is finished and make the move more permanent.  As the saying goes…’the things we do for love’.

To be perfectly honest, if I am going to be part of the family I don't mind helping out a little bit.  I have never said that to Cam, but in the back of my mind I have thought about it.  That is definitely a 'wait and see' kind of thing.  I don't want to become a walking ATM, so I am very careful when it comes to the financial arrangements.  The brother, who is in construction, estimates the cost of the new house with family providing all of the labor will be approximately $15,000.  With all five siblings contributing over a period of almost five years they have managed to save $12,000.  However, price of materials have increased thanks to the carrot top bobble head.  That estimate is probably on the low side now.  They are actually planning to purchase some needed materials for the temporary housing tomorrow (Saturday), so I am anxious to hear from Cam about the pricing.  His brother will know if there has been a significant increase for materials.  
I was surprised nobody asked in the Gay Thailand forum in my Love Interest 2026 post about financial arrangements between me and Cam on the most recent trip.  We had no arrangements in advance other than simply wanting to spend the time together to see if this was going to lead to anything serious.  The only firm commitment going in was I would pay all of our expenses during that time...Airbnb, food, transportation, anything we did for entertainment, and even a couple of shopping trips to the mall.   I will say that Cam never asked for anything other than wanting to go play snooker with his friends a couple of times.  Even then, I was included in those activities.  When grocery shopping, he might pick out a snack or type of fruit he wanted.  He would never choose the restaurant if we were eating out.  It was always wherever I wanted to eat.  His usual response was 'I eat everything.  You are  more picky.  You decide'.  LOL.  I wanted to buy him some new clothes.  Trying to get him to pick out anything was like pulling teeth.  He finally would select one or two items, but only after I threatened to pick them out myself.  We definitely have different taste and style, so threatening to buy him an all pink outfit did the trick.  The only formal agreement other than me paying all of the expenses for both of us was that he would not work at the bar during that time.  An 'off fee' was never discussed nor asked for.  However, knowing that he was not working during those ten or eleven weeks with no income and he would have expenses for the trip home just a couple of days after I left for Denver, my plan was always to give him some money.  Since he never really asked for anything during our time together and resisted purchasing things, I wasn't sure if he would even accept my 'donation'.   I was not extravagant, but certainly wanted to be generous.  Initially he refused, but eventually we came to an agreement about him accepting and also the amount.  I am sure he only spent a small portion of that on himself and the trip home.  The remainder went into the new house fund.  So, I guess in a roundabout way I have contributed...technically.  
My perspective is perhaps a little different from others given our situation.  In my previous relationship with the Taiwanese, we had a joint bank account and shared expenses.  Our attitude was 'what is mine is yours and vice versa'.  Cam and I are beginning a long term relationship.  Therefore, my attitude is very similar to what it was with the Taiwanese boyfriend.  I wanted to make sure Cam had enough money to pay for the journey back to Cambodia.  We knew in advance that was going to be around 7000 Baht.  He also wanted to take back a few things to his family.  We actually went shopping together for those things, but that didn't amount to much.  He needed to be careful about how much he was going to be carrying on foot through the forest.  Probably the most expensive and largest item was a bottle of Jack Daniels Whiskey for him to share with his father and siblings.  The arrangement for the upcoming trip to Cambodia is the same as it was in Bangkok...I will pay all of the expenses for us during that time.  Since we are entering into a relationship...family is family.  If a little help is needed for the new house, I really don't mind.