The following appeared in the Wall Street Journal weekend edition. Five writers respond to the question: "Have we ruined sex?".  Among them is noted gay columnist Andrew Sullivan.

 

Not ruined in the slightest. Wouldn't put my worst enemy through having to hide my sexuality until I was 35 as it was illegal to be gay in my job. The freedom to connect when and where I want is such a relief these days. 

I agree with Andrew Sullivan to an extent.

As much as I enjoy seeing all of a sexy guys body in pics on the apps, I find it takes a certain... frission out of the whole thing. If I meet a guy in a bar, I don't know what he looks like under his clothes. The is a certain mystery that unravels naturally as you "hook up". The apps can't really offer that.

Easier access to porn is a double edged sword; guys tend to be better informed about what turns them on and what does not, and I think thats a great thing.  But it also causes unrealistic expectations, and addiction.

I think unrealistic expectations are hurting everyone these days, not just the gays. The apps with their swiping left and right reduces everyone to a first impression of a photo

I would not agree that apps etc. have ruined sex. But they have taken some of the enjoyment from a hoped-for sexual encounter. Times inevitably change and the experience for guys nowadays is different from what it was for those of us of an older generation. In my youth, despite my concern about appearing to be gay, I loved the 'hunt' - seeing someone in a bar or at a party whom I found aggressively attractive in the hope that we mght get together. This was never immediate but could often take weeks if not in some cases months! And not always successful!

Also I love to see and know a little about who I am about to have sex with. Like many readers here, I know nothing that beat the Bangkok go-go bar experience in much earlier years. And it was not just the boys parading around in short pants or naked. My Way was a haven of cute young guys doing incredible pole dancing.

Indeed. I remember, 40 years ago, in Rio, going to a gay bar, where there were many really sexy guys dancing, shirtless. I was really attracted to one very good looking twink, and to my surprise, though then I was only 30, he happily came back to the Copacabana Palace, to help me with my stamp collection. Sex was amazing, pre HIV, and we met several times, before I left. I rember the Sauna Leblon, full of cute guys, with a dormitory, so to speak of guys fucking! 'O tempora, o mores', as vinapu might say!

On 8/1/2023 at 3:10 PM, fedssocr said:

I think unrealistic expectations are hurting everyone these days, not just the gays. The apps with their swiping left and right reduces everyone to a first impression of a photo

If you let it. I'm really not sure how anyone tells from a photo since it's really a gauge of someone's use of photoshop. 

I find the apps somewhat annoying in that I really want a list of what someone likes rather than what someone will do. I'd much rather meet with someone and give them a little money for something mutually enjoyable rather than something they simply endure. I find choosing only based on looks is almost guaranteed to fail.