Would you break a friendship over this?

[unicorn]

We spent the holiday week-end at the Dunes Resort in Douglas-Saugatuck, Michigan. While there, we met a former friend of my husband's, whom I'll call "Randy." My husband's ex was, as he was to discover, a scoundrel and a charlatan, similar to Trump. I'll call the scoundrel "Troy." (Unlike Trump, he did end up going to federal prison for his misdeeds). My husband said he quietly broke up his friendship with Randy after Randy's then-boyfriend (now ex), whom I'll call "Xavier," showed him texts he discovered on Randy's phone which documented that Randy slept with Troy while my husband and Troy were together. Upon further questioning, it turned out Troy paid Randy $3000 for the encounter. I felt that this sum was rather considerable, and I'd place the blame mainly on Troy. Randy doesn't know my husband saw those texts. 

I suggested to my husband that he might just confront Randy, letting Randy know how his actions let my husband feel, and let Randy apologize. My husband said he didn't want to do that, but rather leave Randy at arm's length. How would you react if you were in a similar situation? Would your door be open to an apology, or would it be an irreparable break in the friendship for you? Of course, I totally respect my husband's wishes. 

[vinapu]

Your husband is right , no need to re-open all wounds looking for apology which may or may not come and if it does it may or may not be sincere

[PeterRS]

3 hours ago, unicorn said:

We spent the holiday week-end at the Dunes Resort in Douglas-Saugatuck, Michigan. While there, we met a former friend of my husband's, whom I'll call "Randy." My husband's ex was, as he was to discover, a scoundrel and a charlatan, similar to Trump. I'll call the scoundrel "Troy." (Unlike Trump, he did end up going to federal prison for his misdeeds). My husband said he quietly broke up his friendship with Randy after Randy's then-boyfriend (now ex), whom I'll call "Xavier," showed him texts he discovered on Randy's phone which documented that Randy slept with Troy while my husband and Troy were together. Upon further questioning, it turned out Troy paid Randy $3000 for the encounter. I felt that this sum was rather considerable, and I'd place the blame mainly on Troy. Randy doesn't know my husband saw those texts. 

I suggested to my husband that he might just confront Randy, letting Randy know how his actions let my husband feel, and let Randy apologize. My husband said he didn't want to do that, but rather leave Randy at arm's length. How would you react if you were in a similar situation? Would your door be open to an apology, or would it be an irreparable break in the friendship for you? Of course, I totally respect my husband's wishes. 

So many people and different events, I'm not sure I even understand it all. I do get the implication that the "former friend of my husband (Randy)" is not in fact "former" but in fact remains in fact a friend. In general I agree with @vinapu. Although sometimes when doors are open to apologies, they can lead to other unwanted events.

[unicorn]

9 hours ago, PeterRS said:

So many people and different events, I'm not sure I even understand it all. I do get the implication that the "former friend of my husband (Randy)" is not in fact "former" but in fact remains in fact a friend. In general I agree with @vinapu. Although sometimes when doors are open to apologies, they can lead to other unwanted events.

No, Randy has moved to Chicago, and they do not keep in touch. They did bump into each other at the resort, and my husband introduced him, but quickly moved on, explaining why he doesn't want to speak to him. Since Randy had never actually lied to my husband, I personally would have left the door open to an apology and forgiveness, but I see your and @vinapu's point. 

[Lucky]

What was it like staying at The Dunes?

[Pete1111]

If I understand it, Randy crossed a line.   

After trust is broken, everything changes.  Was Randy really ever a true friend in the first place?  Perhaps, but not my kind of friend. 

I'd just chalk it up to a lesson learned and let the friendship go.

Also someone's texts were read without permission.   None of my circle would do such a thing.  That seems messy.

[unicorn]

7 hours ago, Lucky said:

What was it like staying at The Dunes?

We didn't actually spend the night, but we went there for 3 evenings ($20/person cover), and one pool day (additional $10/person cover). We stayed at the Kirby Hotel, which is a 10 minute walk away. I don't recommend the Kirby, but I imagine you'd only want to stay at The Dunes if you enjoy partying to the wee hours of the morning. I'd usually leave by 12:30 AM, and my hubbie would leave around 2:30 AM, even 4 AM on the last night. The loud music could be easily heard 500 meters away, most of the way back to the Kirby. There must have been 1000 men each of the nights we were there (3rd, 4th, and 5th of July). Quite a gold mine for the owners, I'm sure. One could see lots of drug deals taking place on the dance floor. There was also a drag cabaret show each night, going from about 10:30 PM to 11:45 PM, included with the $20 admission fee (plus gratuities for the Queens). It seemed like all of the hottest men from Detroit to Chicago were there. We met one man who drove all the way from Buffalo, NY! We met only one other man from LA (whom we knew). 

I've now experienced every gay resort location in the US other than Rehoboth Beach, DE, which we may enjoy next year. My personal favorite is Provincetown, with its scenic location and myriad of entertainment opportunities, but the scene does die down around 1 AM, which is early for my husband. My least favorite is FIP on Fire Island, which is extremely snooty.  

[Mavica]

I lived most of my life in Chicago and during the Summer months, and into early Fall, I and several friends would rent a house in Saugatuck usually for a week at a time. 2 or 3 times during the Summer.  There were occasions, though, that we'd rent individual rooms at Douglas Dunes and for several years the restaurant there was one of the best i the area attracting gay and straight.  I haven't been there in the past 15 years, though.  The beaches at Saugatuck are fantastic and the Lake Michigan water can be warm into late September; I came close to buying a small cottage nearby.  I have many great memories of Douglas Dunes and the area (particularly in the 80s/90s).