Do you offer feedback before ghosting someone?

[unicorn]

In December, my husband connected with a handsome young senior financial executive with the cruise company, "Frank," while we were on a cruise in Antarctica. We socialized a bit together while on the cruise, and mentioned that we were going to go on a cruise with a sister cruise company (within his company's umbrella) in February. My husband said that we'd keep in touch and try to meet in Miami before our next cruise left (he lives/works in Miami, and the cruise was leaving from Miami). A week or so before we were going to leave, I asked him if he'd arranged a meeting for Frank and us, and he said that he ghosted him. Apparently, they were texting each other, and Frank texted "I know about West Hollywood gays, LIKE YOU," and also asked "So what are YOU doing up at this hour?" (it was 3:30 AM on a Monday, and he was up for whatever reason; I can only assume Frank was getting ready to go to work?). So that was the last text.

In the meantime, I met an interesting internet personality at a Christmas party, whom I'll call "Fred." Neither of us finds him at all attractive, but I find his life story interesting, so I asked if I could invite him over for some drinks in January. We had drinks at our place, and got to know him better. Since I was so interested in his story, I did pepper him with questions. I felt I got to know him better, and I asked my husband if we could have Fred over for dinner sometime after our February cruise. He said he didn't want him over for dinner, but a wine & cheese before dinner would be OK. I asked my husband why he didn't seem thrilled at meeting Fred, and he complained that Fred hadn't asked any questions about us, and only talked about himself, but he was willing to give him another chance. 

I told him I felt partially responsible because I asked him so many questions. I also asked him why he didn't apply these same standards to one of his closest friends, "Frodo," who always turns all conversations on himself. Unlike Fred, Frodo is usually considered very handsome, gets essentially anyone he wants, and is always bouncing from one man to the next. He responded that he was OK with Frodo behaving like that because they've been friends for many years. 

So the day for the wine and cheese came, and, hours before the meeting, my husband announced he wasn't "feeling well," and so Fred and I had a wine and cheese while my husband stayed in bed in our bedroom. Fred came over at the conclusion of the hour and told my husband he hoped he felt better soon. I suppose this was a way of "ghosting" Fred. This blocks my ability of getting to know Fred better, because my contacts will be limited to inviting him to one of our summer parties, and maybe going with me to the rare shows I want to go to but my husband doesn't (obviously we go to 90% of shows together, but there are some he can't stomach, such as the Neil Diamond musical, so I find someone else). There are usually other people to whom I'm closer that I'd usually invite, but these would be my only opportunity to maintain contact with Fred. 

I guess I can't recall I've ever "ghosted" someone before. If things weren't going right, I think I'd try to communicate my needs, and give that person a chance to adjust his behavior. In the case of Frank, I suppose one could argue he was being rude, although I suspect Frank may be on the autism spectrum, and may just need guidance (Frank was on the cruise with a cousin, not a friend or romantic partner). So if you think you're having communication issues, would you generally offer feedback, or just ghost someone?

[vinapu]

1 hour ago, unicorn said:

 So if you think you're having communication issues, would you generally offer feedback, or just ghost someone?

If I like somebody ( not talking about looks)  I'd offer feedback of what concerns me in persons behavior. If I don't ghosting is the best and fastest way of cutting loses.

[PeterRS]

2 hours ago, unicorn said:

In December, my husband connected with a handsome young senior financial executive with the cruise company, "Frank," while we were on a cruise in Antarctica.

I mentioned in an ealrier post that I have done three cruises, thanks to a good friend being invited as a lecturer and his wife being unable to join him. On the longest 17-day one around the Caribbean and then up the Amazon to Manaus, my friend decided he'd like to be seated with some other "entertainers" (all non passengers and crew were lumped under this category) for dinners rather than guests. We were a bit late getting to the dining room and found we were at a table of five: a couple from New York and one lecturer whose subject was Princess Diana and the Royal Family! (The Princess had died years before).

The lecturer, a lady, was around 80. She was fun to be with but a compete con merchant! When I explained that i was based in Bangkok, she waxed lyrical about the time earlier in her life when she had been invited to be a guest of the Sultan of Fookay and had a marvellous time in his Palace. She clearly meant Phuket which never had a sultan. Most of her lectures were clearly taken from a book she'd read.

[Pete1111]

Texting and emails are two of the worst ways to communicate, so if you like someone, as mentioned above, it could be worth politely circling back, and trying again.

That he already bothered to question your hours and that you are one of those WEHO guys, one might wonder. 

But yeah, if you think he is ghosting you, one might check in with him after an appropriate time, to confirm.

[Travelingguy]

I like how all these guys coincidentally have names that start with the letter F.