Love Interest - Thailand 2026

[mauRICE]

44 minutes ago, jimmie50 said:

To be honest, I think I could be tolerant and more accepting of this than I am of Cam going off with other men from the bar.  That is the real hang up for me in this situation.  Trying to work through that and will need to either make peace within myself about his job,

Your feelings are valid and all too human. Another thing is, if he does stop working in the bar for good, would you be able to accept his past as a sex worker and not use it against him everytime you had a quarrel? What if you and him run into an old customer of his? He might even have slept with members of this forum who have become your friends. How will you cope? Do you expect him to severe all ties with his past? Can you reasonably expect him to?

[jimmie50]

1 hour ago, hank75 said:

My view is that it’s best to agree a fixed amount with Cam on a monthly or weekly basis, and let him sort things out with the bar to take a leave of absence. Boys often leave work for several months when they’ve found a long term customer or sponsor. Many just claim a family emergency and say “going home” then rejoin the bar again some months later. Discuss it with Cam. I’m sure he’d prefer you to spend that money on him  than the bar. 

I had no idea such an arrangement was possible.  While we did talk about my concerns regarding his job, we didn't really discuss alternatives at the time.  I wasn't sure I wanted it to be like a sponsorship arrangement.  We did talk about what his monthly expenses were and what his goal was each month to send to his family.  That gave me a general idea if I decided to take on that responsibility.  I would prefer to spend the money on him, as well, rather than pay the bar a 3-month off fee.  I just assumed that was the only way to guarantee his number and job.  You know what they say about assumptions.  lol.  Sounds like I need to have a serious conversation with Cam about this.  Keeping the same number might not be important to him.  I know he has had other offers and opportunities to go to different bars, but he prefers and is loyal to Hotmale.  He would want to return there if it was necessary.  

[jimmie50]

8 minutes ago, jason1975 said:

Why do you feel so affected by Cam meeting other men? It is what he does for a living.

I've had two long term relationships during my lifetime.  Both were monogamous...until they were not...which is what ultimately ended the relationships.  I wasn't looking for a relationship when traveling to Thailand...simply looking to explore and have a good time.  I certainly did my share of that.  Had I not gone on this adventure in the first place, I would have never met Cam.  The situation is really like a double-edged sword.  From my perspective, having fun with my various escapades changed once the switch was flipped with Cam from just having fun to something more serious.  I no longer had that desire to play the game and started to pull back from my other companions.  I was happy and content with Cam, and him with me.  The switch inside me flipped from party animal back to the monogamous mode.  Not sure if that makes any sense or not...still a work in progress.  

[jason1975]

On 4/1/2026 at 9:40 PM, jimmie50 said:

Especially grateful to @jason1975, because I was able to use his boyfriend relationship as the starting point in our conversation. 

Our relationship is complicated. While he is definitely my guy, I don't call him my boyfriend. I call him "con nuoi" the vietnamese word for godson while he calls me "cha nuoi" which means godfather.

We know each other 10 years. I have helped him a lot and he has also been very good for me. We know each other likes and dislikes.

We communicate every day but not video call. I personally dislike video call. I find that typing messages is better because we have to think in advance about our message before we type. Sometimes we attach photos or videos of ourselves or our surroundings.

[mauRICE]

11 minutes ago, jason1975 said:

I call him "con nuoi" the vietnamese word for godson while he calls me "cha nuoi" which means godfather.

You mean in Vietnam godfathers sleep with their godsons? Very interesting.

And here I thought the weirdest thing about the Vietnamese was that some of them ate cats. It's true what my friends say: I'm far too innocent. 😇

[jimmie50]

20 minutes ago, mauRICE said:

Your feelings are valid and all too human. Another thing is, if he does stop working in the bar for good, would you be able to accept his past as a sex worker and not use it against him everytime you had a quarrel? What if you and him run into an old customer of his? He might even have slept with members of this forum who have become your friends. How are you going to manage it? Do you expect him to severe all ties with his past? Can you reasonably expect him to?

I don't really have a problem with the fact he has been a sex worker.  Let's be realistic about that...it is how we met in the first place.  What should have been a one night trick back in October was etched in my mind so the very first club I had to visit was Hotmale to see if he was still working there.  Things kind of mushroomed from there to the current situation.  Based upon my previous relationships and experiences, I don't believe I would ever use that against him.  I simply am not that type of person.  He did what he needed to do to support himself and his family.  If we were to stay in Bangkok, I would not be surprised if we ran into former customers.  Not sure if we are in Cambodia how much of a factor that would be...but still possible.  Both parties bring a past to any relationship.  I've shared stories with him about my relationships.  He even knows a little about my adventures in Bangkok this trip before I started to curtail those activities as things got serious between us.  As for forum members...already know of at least one who was part of the group of 7 at G's for dinner who has been with him before.  Was not an issue.  I think it is important for both of us to be able to maintain contacts and friendships that were established before we met.  Where I would have an issue or problem is maintaining any type of sexual relationship.  We would both need to be able to set boundaries with former sex partners that it would strictly be a friendship moving forward...nothing more.  Probably sound like an old prude at this point.  lol.  

[mauRICE]

41 minutes ago, jimmie50 said:

Where I would have an issue or problem is maintaining any type of sexual relationship.  We would both need to be able to set boundaries with former sex partners that it would strictly be a friendship moving forward...nothing more.  Probably sound like an old prude at this point.  lol.  

Not a prude at all and your posts suggest a very youthful spirit. See, your feelings about this and what you want are becoming clearer and more focussed. The above is what feels right for you. For what it's worth, I wouldn't want a boyfriend (or godson) who's turning tricks on the side either.

[jimmie50]

18 minutes ago, jason1975 said:

Our relationship is complicated. While he is definitely my guy, I don't call him my boyfriend. I call him "con nuoi" the vietnamese word for godson while he calls me "cha nuoi" which means godfather.

We know each other 10 years. I have helped him a lot and he has also been very good for me. We know each other likes and dislikes.

We communicate every day but not video call. I personally dislike video call. I find that typing messages is better because we have to think in advance about our message before we type. Sometimes we attach photos or videos of ourselves or our surroundings.

I would definitely classify my situation as complicated.  We actually have used the word 'boyfriend' when referring to each other.  Not sure if there is something similar in Cambodia to godson and godfather, but if there is, he didn't mention it.  At the moment, I just want to get through the next few months.  I cannot begin to imagine 10 years from now.   Not sure how often we will do video call.  It's nice to just see the other person sometimes.  Also don't know that we will text every day.  That will partly be due to time difference and schedules, as well as language, but he also doesn't like texting that much.  One of the quirky things I learned about him over the last 7 weeks.  It will take us some time to figure out likes and dislikes.  As @floridarob said, if we make it to the 3-year bar, it is possible we have determined at least some of our likes and dislikes.  Getting to the three month bar is the major hurdle at the moment.  I am thinking more along the lines of 3 weeks.  lol.