Passive-aggressive behavior with texting

[unicorn]

It seems that I come across a lot of people who are passive-aggressive when it comes to texting, and it rubs me the wrong way. For example, we have some married friends who live about 1.5 km from LAX, and they've let us park our car at their place on extended vacations (the drive to that airport typically takes well over an hour from our place, and ride-share or taxis typically cost $100 each way). I made a group text with the two asking if we'd be able to park our car at their place for certain dates, and Husband A answered that it was OK with him if it would be OK with Husband B, since Husband A would be out of town during that time. Husband B never made any response, and after a few days we just asked another friend to drive us, taking him out for dinner as a thank-you. I should comment that we've helped these two out a few times, including a few weeks ago when Husband B was too drunk to make it to his place, and my husband stayed up to make sure he wouldn't flip on his back while sleeping and possibly choke on his vomit. As it turned out, he was kept on his side, and threw up on our carpet. 

Another fairly recent example involved a more casual friend. At a neighbor's party, he told me of some upcoming performances he was doing, and that he hoped we could come. I tried to get tickets, but the event was sold out. I texted him, informing him of my attempt, and asking him if he knew of a way to get tickets. I received no response for almost 2 days. During that time I became worried that I'd offended him and overstepped our friendship. As it turned out, he was able to snag us a couple of (free) guest passes, for which we were quite grateful. However, I wished he'd responded with "I'm not sure, but I'll see what I can do" after I texted him. Since I didn't know him well, I was worried that he might have mis-interpreted my text. 

If someone asks me something in a text, I can usually give a definitive answer within hours. After all, my calendar is right on the phone to which they're texting. At worst, I can respond with something along the lines of "I have tentative plans for that day, but can let you know by Wednesday," or "I'll let you know after speaking with my husband, who's at yoga now." 

How are you with texting? Do you acknowledge texts from friends in a timely manner, or do you sometimes let texts hang for days? Does it irritate you when people don't respond to your texts? When one of the people I use as handyman refuses to answer his text for days, I simply move on to another. But when a friend does it, I feel disrespected. 

[floridarob]

I live in Mexico, not answering is normal ... but I keep following up with 🤷‍♂️ and if still nothing, I ask "are you alive?" and if still nothing, then I take it as a no/not interested/can't or whatever...

 

[jimmie50]

5 hours ago, unicorn said:

Do you acknowledge texts from friends in a timely manner, or do you sometimes let texts hang for days? Does it irritate you when people don't respond to your texts?

I usually respond within the hour.  If I am busy and it is something that requires a longer response, I will at least respond that I am currently busy but get back to them later that day.  Personally, I find it extremely annoying when people don't respond or acknowledge text messages in a prompt manner.  I sometimes wonder if it is a generational thing.  My sister and brother-in-law will usually respond to me within the hour, as will most friends my age.  However, my nephews (late 20's) may get around to responding in a couple of days...if at all.  

[PeterRS]

For me it is simple. I do not have social media apart from Line and WhatsAp. Rarely do I receive texts that require an immediate response. I guess I am more old-fashioned and I'd rather phone. I do have a couple of gay apps but I use them almost exclusively when outside Thailand.

[jimmie50]

My friends and family often refer to me as 'old school'.  I much prefer talking on the phone or having a face to face conversation versus using an app.  I have never been a huge fan of social media.  As a retired educator, I have seen too many new, inexperienced teachers get into difficult situations because of social media and failing to establish clear boundaries.  Some have even lost their jobs as a result.  Personally, I have never had an account on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.  I have two apps on my phone...WhatsApp and LINE.  I use WhatsApp as a way to chat with some of my friends in other countries, and have LINE for the massage shops.  I do text frequently, but mostly with family and close friends.  If I stop at the supermarket, I might text my sister to see if she needs anything.  If I am stopping somewhere to pick up lunch, I might text home to see if anyone would like me to get them anything.  I text friends if I am running a few minutes late for a planned get-together.  I don't use it as a means of having deep, meaningful conversations.  I have never used any of the hook up apps...Grinder, Hornet, Jack'd, etc.   

[unicorn]

22 hours ago, floridarob said:

I live in Mexico, not answering is normal ... but I keep following up with 🤷‍♂️ and if still nothing, I ask "are you alive?" and if still nothing, then I take it as a no/not interested/can't or whatever...

I agree that when I don't get responses to repeated texts (usually when I don't get an answer to a text after 3-4 hours, I use the question mark emoji, though your shoulder-shrugging one would do as well), I take it as a passive-aggressive no. However, I still find it offensive. It literally only takes lifting a finger to answer a text. It's insulting to me when a friend literally won't lift a finger to help (or even acknowledge) me. 

[PeterRS]

7 hours ago, unicorn said:

It literally only takes lifting a finger to answer a text. It's insulting to me when a friend literally won't lift a finger to help (or even acknowledge) me. 

Is that not taking "insulting" a little too far? I was brought up in the UK and was taught by my parents to be considerate of others. For example here in Thailand, if I am going into or out of a door and know there is someone behind me, I hold it open for them. In Europe, this generally, although not always, meets with the equivalent of "thanks". I do the same in Thailand. In nearly a quarter of a century I can count the number of "thanks" (in English or Thai) on one hand. In the same vein, when I am behind someone, they will rarely hold the door open for me.  It seems to be part of the culture. For whatever reason it never worries me in the slightest. Perhaps I need a stronger deodorant!