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Yes he really wrote this...

http://www.cnn.com/2015/04/20/politics/clinton-vote-obituary/index.html

http://www.independenttribune.com/obituaries/upright-larry-darrell/article_f1ca5c79-4e3f-537d-9570-e52895024d31.html

Upright, Larry Darrell

posted 2 weeks ago April 15th, 2015

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KANNAPOLIS Larry Darrell Upright, 81, passed away Monday, April 13, 2015, at CMC-NorthEast. Darrell was born Aug. 15, 1933, in Cabarrus County to the late Arthur and Mary Ruth Upright. He was also preceded in death by his son, Joel Allen Upright. He is survived by his beloved wife and devoted caregiver, Colleen McDonald Upright; son, Michael D. Upright; daughter, Jill Upright McLain and husband, Phil; granddaughters, McKenzie Upright Brady and husband, Logan, Lindsay McLain Leece and husband, Jason, and Laura McLain. He was a member and past Master of Allen-Graham #695 Masonic Lodge and a former Shriner of the Year at Cabarrus Shrine Club. He retired from the Building Automation Industry and in his retirement was an avid golfer and member of The Club at Irish Creek. Darrell's greatest joy was his family and he will forever be remembered as a loving husband, father, and Grandaddy. The family will receive friends from 6 to 8 p.m., Wednesday, April 15, at Whitley's Funeral Home. Services will be held at 2 p.m., Thursday, April 16, at Whitley's Funeral Home Chapel, officiated by Mr. Bill Jolley. Burial will follow at Carolina Memorial Park with Masonic rites. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be sent to Shriners Hospital for Children, 2900 Rocky Point Dr., Tampa, FL 33607. Also, the family respectfully asks that you do not vote for Hillary Clinton in 2016. R.I.P. Grandaddy. Online condolences may be left at www.whitleysfuneralhome.com.

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Guest zipperzone

POLITICALLY UNACCEPTABLE HUMOUR

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.

I said, "You're pulling my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk. At least I presume she was poor -

she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thanks that I'm a stalker. Well she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his finger up my butt.

Do you think I should change dentists?

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back.

He says "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.

She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said "You're obviously not listening"

The wife has been missing for over a week now. The Police told me to prepare for the worst.

So I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

At the Senior Citizens Centre they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point.

The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?

Apparently the correct answer was Africa.

One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells.

It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.

There is a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping centre, bur I've been banned from it

after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles - but at least they drive slowly past schools.

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk,

"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled", to which she replied,

"No, it's just regular people porn, you sick bastard"

A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.

I said, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother has a moustache"

AN MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE......

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we would help towards the floods in Pakistan.

I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the end of the driveway.

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