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joizy

Apologies to the Group

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Hey guys,

I want to apologize for engaging with the trolls here.

When I found this forum, I was so excited because not only did I find a place with really good information, it seemed like a place where I could share some of my travel experiences that were not appropriate for Facebook or to share with my friends and family. Imagine my shock when out of the blue, one of the members started harassing me, and another called me names for asking a question (and then there was a sort of pile-up by some of the older members). I never felt so attacked before in my life, even as a gay kid being called names on the way to school. When I was young, I was too scared to fight back, but feeling attacked here, my first impulse was to fight back.

I've since discovered that I can hide people. I wish I could block them altogether, because one in particular, seems obsessed with harassing newer members, especially if they happen to be traveling and having sex. It's really sad.

But I want to apologize for adding to the toxicity. I will no longer engage with the trolls. I'll mostly stick to reading. I am planning a trip to PV in a few weeks and I might share my experiences if I find anything worth sharing. But if I'm called a liar again, that's it. I won't be posting again.

I wish we could all be more supportive of one another. Some forums seem to be worse than others. It seems I stumbled into a forum that is controlled by someone who had a bad experience and now assumes every person here is the same person. I hope he can get some help, and more than anything, I hope he blocks me since my presence disturbs him so much.

We still have a long way to go before we can reach full equality and acceptance globally. Fighting with one another here is not helping our cause in any way. I appreciate those who have been supportive and who have empathized with the negative experience I had here. I'm going to try to focus on the positive. I hope everyone else can do the same. Let's try to shut down the negativity in our community.

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Assuming your sincerity, there is a perfectly reasonable way to deal with unfriendly or unwelcoming members here: contact the board's owner, Oz. From my experience, Oz is a reasonable listener who will have just the right suggestion on how to deal with certain posters. He has always helped me.

This board has changed over time, and it doesn't seem to be the place I originally joined. I miss sharing favorite porn videos. But it still has something to offer. When I see the word "troll," I think of some seriously awful, cancerous people, who were so miserably unhappy. They came here to dominate and make everyone else miserable, too. There seems to be nothing worse than a miserable, aging gay guy, unless, perhaps, you're a miserable lesbian who hates gay guys. 

I no longer visit here often, but it's been a long time since I've seen what I would call a TROLL. If you want a taste of the shit-stained behavior I've endured, I'm sure you can find some nasty turds clogging The Sandbox.

Truthfully, the best way to deal with a troll is to ignore him. Trolls HATE to be ignored. I realize this is a difficult ask. This is supposed to be a "community," and ignoring a troll is like ignoring an asshole roommate: very hard to do when he's sharing your bed. But, unless the troll is hell-bent on forcing you off the board, in which case I would contact Oz, it's best to develop a thicker skin or learn how to engage with smarter troll tactics. Some queens do find these cheap, bitchy battles entertaining. 

Good luck!

 

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3 hours ago, RockHardNYC said:

Assuming your sincerity, there is a perfectly reasonable way to deal with unfriendly or unwelcoming members here: contact the board's owner, Oz. From my experience, Oz is a reasonable listener who will have just the right suggestion on how to deal with certain posters. He has always helped me.

This board has changed over time, and it doesn't seem to be the place I originally joined. I miss sharing favorite porn videos. But it still has something to offer. When I see the word "troll," I think of some seriously awful, cancerous people, who were so miserably unhappy. They came here to dominate and make everyone else miserable, too. There seems to be nothing worse than a miserable, aging gay guy, unless, perhaps, you're a miserable lesbian who hates gay guys. 

I no longer visit here often, but it's been a long time since I've seen what I would call a TROLL. If you want a taste of the shit-stained behavior I've endured, I'm sure you can find some nasty turds clogging The Sandbox.

Truthfully, the best way to deal with a troll is to ignore him. Trolls HATE to be ignored. I realize this is a difficult ask. This is supposed to be a "community," and ignoring a troll is like ignoring an asshole roommate: very hard to do when he's sharing your bed. But, unless the troll is hell-bent on forcing you off the board, in which case I would contact Oz, it's best to develop a thicker skin or learn how to engage with smarter troll tactics. Some queens do find these cheap, bitchy battles entertaining. 

Good luck!

 

Thank you. I really appreciate your advice and understanding. I had no idea what I was stepping into. It was like jumping into a shark tank when I was expecting to be swimming with dolphins. I just learned how to hide people, and hopefully that will solve the problem, though I must admit, I'm really shaken by my experience here.

 

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On 6/23/2022 at 4:41 PM, joizy said:

It was like jumping into a shark tank when I was expecting to be swimming with dolphins.

Sounds a little naive to me. The only gay dolphins I know live in Ohio.

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2 hours ago, RockHardNYC said:

Sounds a little naive to me. The only gay dolphins I know live in Ohio.

LOL - I may be old, but yes, I'm naive and I usually expect people to be kind. Maybe a little more cynical after what I've encountered here. Fortunately, after a little time, the feeding frenzy has stopped and I've hidden a few people. Appreciating most of the people here who are sharing lots of good information. After two years of not traveling, I'm ready to get out!

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Joizy

I started out just being a lurker, reading.  Here, on  https://gaybuttonthai.com/index.php, and https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/forum.php. all three boards have similar traits of some cynical old members who are rough on each other and treat newbies almost as bad.

I have a thick skin so...  I don't really care, but it make the boards less usable particularly for new members.  On the other side, without them sniping at each other, 75% of the content would be gone and the boards would probably die.

I have commented it on it only to be told to man up.

I appreciated your posts.  don't stop.

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1 hour ago, maump said:

Joizy

I started out just being a lurker, reading.  Here, on  https://gaybuttonthai.com/index.php, and https://sawatdeenetwork.com/v4/forum.php. all three boards have similar traits of some cynical old members who are rough on each other and treat newbies almost as bad.

I have a thick skin so...  I don't really care, but it make the boards less usable particularly for new members.  On the other side, without them sniping at each other, 75% of the content would be gone and the boards would probably die.

I have commented it on it only to be told to man up.

I appreciated your posts.  don't stop.

Thank you. Now that I've hidden several people, it's a little better. I'm still being stalked. One person in particular needs to get a hobby.

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2 hours ago, joizy said:

Now that I've hidden several people, it's a little better

a tiny violin is playing for you somewhere.  Likely not here, however.  

If you guys can’t take the comments in this forum, then you may want to rethink international travel entirely. If you are truly this delicate and “shaken” by comments here, you don’t stand a chance in the streets of most of the places discussed here.  Mexico, Brazil, Columbia, DR all require some basic common sense and the ability to be able to figure things out on the fly - like using the search function in this forum to find multiple threads about your areas of interest. If you can’t manage that - then travel to developing countries will prove impossible for you.  Unless, that’s all an act too. How does someone become so utterly helpless in an organized online forum yet manages to travel across the world with all the changing rules & requirements ?  Odd indeed.

The OP of this thread.has been here less than. 2 weeks and 70% of the posts is whining about his poor treatment here. Funny thing is he isn’t even interested in paying for sex, which is the main theme of this forum & subsequent threads.  So, why even be here for subject matter that doesn’t appeal to you and all of the poor treatment.  Seems like an obvious decision to leave, unless the goal is something else entirely ? 

Nobody is trying to tun anyone off.  But if the expectation is to come here and ask questions that have been answered ad nauseum and are very easy to find - it smacks of rude, selfish and lazy behavior.  This isn’t a place for other members to spoon feed you answers to questions youre just too lazy to look up.

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On 7/6/2022 at 11:01 PM, Slvkguy said:

So, why even be here for subject matter that doesn’t appeal to you and all of the poor treatment

we all come here with various professional backgrounds & skill sets.  My professional life involved executive oversight - meaning conducting audits at  Fortune 50 companies and frequently investigating internal fraud, cybersecurity, online criminal activity and all the related activities and crimes.

I was not an expert in cyber security or online fraud by any means as I was not the person with that specific skill set.  I was the person who reviewed the finished reports and recommended appropriate action.  As a result, I became very familiar with the patterns of online fraudulent activity and the various manifestations.  Online impersonation, meaning creating a fraudulent identity and using it for various nefarious reasons is extremely common.  More common than you can possible imagine.  Then it’s compounded when the online activity is on an anonymous forum where the core subject is sex for hire. 

I’m not suggesting Russian hackers have infiltrated this forum - not even close. However, I am certain the some people here are posting under multiple screen names for some sort of sexual thrill game or maybe perhaps fishing for some personal information to be used in other fraudulent ways.  If you doubt this is possible, or even skeptical it’s happening here, then you are willfully ignorant and terribly naive and vulnerable.

The one pattern that is consistent with all online fraud is the need to establish legitimacy within an online group. Sometimes that’s difficult depending on subject matter of the group and the members expertise - meaning the fraudster makes mistakes and is questioned. When questioned, the first line of attack is name-calling and insults. When that doesn’t work, they retreat to ignorance and victimhood, seeking sympathy from other members.  Once they’ve got certain members expressing sympathy for them as victims - then those same members have been identified as “marks” for future exploitation. It’s a pattern that happens over & over

You have been warned. There are several here playing that game. And they are up to no good.

If you don’t believe me for whatever reason, there is plenty of online information to validate exactly what I’ve said here. 

The trolls are devious, deceptive and determined.  Their posts are frequently vague with no real information about places discussed here.  They seldom offer advice of any use, but ask all the questions about exact contact information for various providers. Other members recognize the discrepancies/mistakes in their stories and subtly ask the right questions to out them as frauds - I’ve seen it several times.  And those members know exactly who they are.

why do I write this ? Because I’m tired of scammers infecting every aspect of life 24/7. And I’m even more tired of it when it’s so obvious and blatant.  There are no safe place in the real world or online - just an opportunity for fake people to pull their scams for some weird self satisfaction or some fraud they’re gonna pull on someone.

just got my car fixed today  and the mechanic had his Twitter hacked - next thing you know there’s a fake account on rentmasseur for prepaid massages. Yes - it’s that bad. The trolls are everywhere.  It’s much better to take them on than to give up and let them win.  If that bothered you - then apologizes in advance.

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4 hours ago, TotallyOz said:

Yes, and it is hard to tell if you are the troll or he is the troll or someone else is a troll.

In this case - it’s not hard to determine who is the troll.

Go back and look at my posts from the very beginning when I became a member.  No name calling, no profanity, no looking for sympathy & no asking for contacts information of any kind - ever.  And my posts contain real information, meaning you can tell I’ve been to wherever I’m posting about.

and, all of my comments about trolls have been since April 30 this year when it all started.  It’s very very clear what’s going on here. 

im soon embarking on a 2 month trip which will include many places members here routinely have questions about.  I’d love to be able to give updates and provide useful information.  Unfortunately, the troll experiences here will be in the back of my mind and I will self-censor to a degree so as not to provide any additional ammunition for their online games.

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4 hours ago, TotallyOz said:

But, the best way is for posters to actually meet others and have someone vouch for them.

btw - I’d be happy to meet any members traveling in Europe this summer.  I’ll be in a specific part of Europe which I’ll be happy to discuss via PM for 2 months. No problem whatsoever and I’d be very surprised if at least one or two members aren’t in those same cities at the same time. 
I’m leaving the US in about 10 days.  Contact me at your convenience.

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9 hours ago, Slvkguy said:

The one pattern that is consistent with all online fraud is the need to establish legitimacy within an online group. Sometimes that’s difficult depending on subject matter of the group and the members expertise - meaning the fraudster makes mistakes and is questioned. When questioned, the first line of attack is name-calling and insults. When that doesn’t work, they retreat to ignorance and victimhood, seeking sympathy from other members.  Once they’ve got certain members expressing sympathy for them as victims - then those same members have been identified as “marks” for future exploitation. It’s a pattern that happens over & over

Hell. yes. Be careful. I bet the OP troll immediately contacted by PM everyone who liked his posts or confronted yours. 

But I would also say this to you, @Slvkguy: you have warned all of us enough. If anyone does not want to take your advise, they are in their right. It is time to move on.

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On 6/23/2022 at 10:11 AM, RockHardNYC said:

Truthfully, the best way to deal with a troll is to ignore him. Trolls HATE to be ignored. I realize this is a difficult ask. This is supposed to be a "community," and ignoring a troll is like ignoring an asshole roommate: very hard to do when he's sharing your bed. But, unless the troll is hell-bent on forcing you off the board, in which case I would contact Oz, it's best to develop a thicker skin or learn how to engage with smarter troll tactics. Some queens do find these cheap, bitchy battles entertaining. 

 

 

I've been reading through some old threads and I see you speak from experience. Your number 1 troll seems quite similar to mine. I wonder if they are the same person.

Yes, I have learned the hard way to ignore them. Feeding them is what they want. It makes them relevant, when they are otherwise sad and lonely. Your troll is obviously jealous and triggered by every post. So is mine. I have him on ignore and he spouts his crazy conspiracy theories out into an empty void, getting no response from me.

What is sad though is that the other members of the forum engage and reinforce the behavior.

I was reading a little about Internet trolls yesterday and found that they are actually psychopaths who revel in causing pain. We really should not be tolerating that behavior here, but since nothing is done to stop them, the only thing to do is ignore them.

Don't Feed the Trolls

I've learned the hard way.

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Having contributed to several Asian-based Boards over about 15 years, I have come across and engaged with a couple of trolls. In Thailand one  contributed so many posts to two of the Boards that it took the combined action of several posters to get him banned from one. In one based in another country in the region that had a much younger membership, the troll admitted he was a near eighty year old and pretended he was a member to give advice to young guys. Cross him and inform him his advice was nonsense and he would rant and rave calling those posters all manner of crap. After being temporarily banned several times, he was finally booted off. Each time, I got really pissed off. I hope I have grown up since then.

Trolls crave attention and I am sure @joizy is correct. Most, if not all, are sad, bored older men who need a fantasy personality to gain attention and give some meaning to their dull existence. Psychopaths? I'm not sure. Schizophrenics? Almost certainly! LOL

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Things have been fine for me lately. There was one time when I asked if a bar that had rent guys also had cubicles or someplace private to go and I got an incredible over-reaction basically calling me an idiot for even thinking for such a thing. There was so much anger in the reply it startled me. I don't think accepting that kind of crap should be the price of admission to be gay and it's sad some people think it is.

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22 hours ago, joizy said:

I've been reading through some old threads and I see you speak from experience.

I actually got my troll-training over at Hooboy's, many, many years ago. In researching male escort forums (I once thought of competing with Hooboy), I spent many hours studying the disease of trolldom. Their poorly written TOS actually encouraged trolling. Either Hooboy, or someone else who had his ear, actually thought it was a good idea to encourage escorts to join with multiple usernames. That way, if an escort wanted to say something controversial (or cause trouble), it wouldn't affect his business. IMO, it was a seriously stupid and misguided theory, and my professional criticisms seemed to fall on deaf ears (at least in the beginning).

There was an old-fashioned mindset over at Hooboy's where certain people believed you had to coddle the evil 70's queens. Thank goodness many of those folk have died, and behaviors have changed.

Very few places on the internet can afford to do what the NY Times does: subscriber's comments get monitored first before they are published. I contribute on their board, and IMO, it's one of the best, most civil boards on the internet, in total tolerance of harsh, brutal criticism. And I love their "editor likes" feature, a major selling point for users. 

Other boards can afford to pay their moderators. Unfortunately, it takes a lot of time and talent to "manage" personalities. People love to say that we're all adults and should know how to behave, but let's get real. A sick, unhappy queen doesn't behave like anything normal.

Many boards rely on self-moderation, and they find a way to make that work. It's not easy to find reliable people to do a free job. I would pity the pour volunteer who attempts to control me. LOL.

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4 hours ago, RockHardNYC said:

I actually got my troll-training over at Hooboy's, many, many years ago. In researching male escort forums (I once thought of competing with Hooboy), I spent many hours studying the disease of trolldom. Their poorly written TOS actually encouraged trolling. Either Hooboy, or someone else who had his ear, actually thought it was a good idea to encourage escorts to join with multiple usernames. That way, if an escort wanted to say something controversial (or cause trouble), it wouldn't affect his business. IMO, it was a seriously stupid and misguided theory, and my professional criticisms seemed to fall on deaf ears (at least in the beginning).

There was an old-fashioned mindset over at Hooboy's where certain people believed you had to coddle the evil 70's queens. Thank goodness many of those folk have died, and behaviors have changed.

Very few places on the internet can afford to do what the NY Times does: subscriber's comments get monitored first before they are published. I contribute on their board, and IMO, it's one of the best, most civil boards on the internet, in total tolerance of harsh, brutal criticism. And I love their "editor likes" feature, a major selling point for users. 

Other boards can afford to pay their moderators. Unfortunately, it takes a lot of time and talent to "manage" personalities. People love to say that we're all adults and should know how to behave, but let's get real. A sick, unhappy queen doesn't behave like anything normal.

Many boards rely on self-moderation, and they find a way to make that work. It's not easy to find reliable people to do a free job. I would pity the pour volunteer who attempts to control me. LOL.

Do you realize that you are (feeding) talking to the troll?

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