After Years of Narcissism, How Does a Narcissist Age?

[PeterRS]

Recently, and for a reason that defeats me, I have been getting regular emails from Quora. Today there is one rather nasty one about how narcissists age. But it is quite interesting, even though I doubt if it reflects the type of existence many narcissistic personalities have led..

1.     First, they spend their lives hurting others. After years of hurting others, all the guilt and shame add up, no matter how much they may deny it. To avoid this feeling, they continue to do bad things in order to protect their false identity — their “False Self.” Picture each cruel act as a brick. And by old age, they are carrying a huge mountain of bricks.

2.     Second, they always see themselves as the victim. When people react to their bad behaviour, they twist it and believe they are the ones being treated badly. As time goes by this attitude isolates them. They drive everyone away but cannot understand why they are alone. My covert mother at the end of her life felt miserable and said that everyone had abused her. She had a good life and a husband that adored her, giving her every gift imaginable.

3.     Third, the aging process works on their mind. They lose control and no longer can conceal their inner self. If they were covert, the mask drops. They become more rude, selfish and more bitter, exposing their real self.

Now you know - or don't as the case may be!

[Keithambrose]

4 hours ago, PeterRS said:

Recently, and for a reason that defeats me, I have been getting regular emails from Quora. Today there is one rather nasty one about how narcissists age. But it is quite interesting, even though I doubt if it reflects the type of existence many narcissistic personalities have led..

1.     First, they spend their lives hurting others. After years of hurting others, all the guilt and shame add up, no matter how much they may deny it. To avoid this feeling, they continue to do bad things in order to protect their false identity — their “False Self.” Picture each cruel act as a brick. And by old age, they are carrying a huge mountain of bricks.

2.     Second, they always see themselves as the victim. When people react to their bad behaviour, they twist it and believe they are the ones being treated badly. As time goes by this attitude isolates them. They drive everyone away but cannot understand why they are alone. My covert mother at the end of her life felt miserable and said that everyone had abused her. She had a good life and a husband that adored her, giving her every gift imaginable.

3.     Third, the aging process works on their mind. They lose control and no longer can conceal their inner self. If they were covert, the mask drops. They become more rude, selfish and more bitter, exposing their real self.

Now you know - or don't as the case may be!

Describes Trump very well!

[vinapu]

3 hours ago, Keithambrose said:

Describes Trump very well!

+1

indeed that was what I thought reading original post

[unicorn]

On 11/2/2025 at 1:03 AM, Keithambrose said:

Describes Trump very well!

Yes, except for the part about the guilt and shame adding up. Since he's a sociopath, I doubt he feels any guilt or shame. 😉It took a long time, but I think the swing voters are finally realizing that they elected a lifelong con-man: a smooth-talker who lies with every breath.

[caeron]

8 hours ago, unicorn said:

Yes, except for the part about the guilt and shame adding up. Since he's a sociopath, I doubt he feels any guilt or shame. 😉It took a long time, but I think the swing voters are finally realizing that they elected a lifelong con-man: a smooth-talker who lies with every breath.

I pray you are right.

I believe you are wrong. 

[Keithambrose]

3 hours ago, caeron said:

I pray you are right.

I believe you are wrong. 

One of my friends,  who lives in America  said, "never underestimate the stupidity of the average American voter". 

[unicorn]

11 hours ago, caeron said:

I pray you are right.

I believe you are wrong. 

Time will tell, but the few clues we have from this last election suggest swing voters have had enough of Trump and his antics. Virginia is a swing state, which can easily vote for either party in statewide elections. Elections in that state are usually close, either way. The Democratic candidate for governor won with a 15% margin over her opponent. The Attorney General vote went to the Democrat by 5.5%, despite texts he sent in 2002:

“Three people, two bullets. Gilbert, hitler, and pol pot. Gilbert gets two bullets to the head,” the text reads in part, referring to Gilbert and the two dictators.

(Gilbert was the Republican Speaker of the [Virginia] House at the time)

https://www.cnn.com/2025/10/04/politics/virginia-democratic-nominee-attorney-general-facing-pressure

For Lieutenant Governor, Ghazala Hashmi won by an over 10% margin--the first Muslim woman in the nation to win statewide office. Every single one of those 3 positions was previously held by a Republican.

https://www.cnn.com/election/2025/results/virginia

In New Jersey, the only other state with a governor's race, the Democrat won by an almost 14% margin. 

https://www.cnn.com/election/2025/results/new-jersey

A Muslim also won New York City's mayoral race, with 9% more than his closest opponent (and 43% more than the Republican), even though Jews make up 12% of the city's population. Zohran Mamdani won every borough except Staten Island.

https://www.cnn.com/election/2025/results/new-york-city-mayor

In California, an election to abandon nonpartisan commissions' role in drawing US Congressional districts (in response to similar moves in Republican states) won by an almost 2:1 margin, even though only 45.3% of California's voters are registered as Democrats:

https://electionresults.sos.ca.gov/returns/maps/ballot-measures/prop/50

https://www.ppic.org/publication/california-voter-and-party-profiles/

 

Elections are decided by swing voters. I believe we know what swing voters are thinking at this time. Where possible, Republicans are doing what they can to dilute votes from Democrats, and lawmakers in several states, such as Texas, have been successful in doing that. We were touring Maine last month, and Republicans had put forth a measure to make it more difficult to vote absentee/by mail. We saw plenty of "Yes on 1" yard signs throughout the trip (much more than no signs), and were worried. Maine is another swing state, with one Republican US Senator and one Independent. That ballot measure was trounced, by an almost 30% margin. (Also a gun control measure won handily). 

 https://ballotpedia.org/Maine_Question_1,_Require_Voter_Photo_ID_and_Change_Absentee_Ballot_and_Drop_Box_Rules_Initiative_(2025)

Much can change in 1 year, and Republicans continue their shenanigans where they can (without direct voter involvement). I think that independent voters now have a dim view of Republican misdeeds, at least as of this time, however.

 

[caeron]

 

All true, except for the fact that he was a train wreck last time and they voted for him again anyway. I think the problem is that too many Americans are idiots with no memory. Probably racist misogynists too.

When they're staring at the disaster, they see it, but the moment it is out of sight they begin to forget.

That whole doomed to repeat thing.

[Keithambrose]

3 hours ago, unicorn said:

Time will tell, but the few clues we have from this last election suggest swing voters have had enough of Trump and his antics. Virginia is a swing state, which can easily vote for either party in statewide elections. Elections in that state are usually close, either way. The Democratic candidate for governor won with a 15% margin over her opponent. The Attorney General vote went to the Democrat by 5.5%, despite texts he sent in 2002:

“Three people, two bullets. Gilbert, hitler, and pol pot. Gilbert gets two bullets to the head,” the text reads in part, referring to Gilbert and the two dictators.

(Gilbert was the Republican Speaker of the [Virginia] House at the time)

https://www.cnn.com/2025/10/04/politics/virginia-democratic-nominee-attorney-general-facing-pressure

For Lieutenant Governor, Ghazala Hashmi won by an over 10% margin--the first Muslim woman in the nation to win statewide office. Every single one of those 3 positions was previously held by a Republican.

https://www.cnn.com/election/2025/results/virginia

In New Jersey, the only other state with a governor's race, the Democrat won by an almost 14% margin. 

https://www.cnn.com/election/2025/results/new-jersey

A Muslim also won New York City's mayoral race, with 9% more than his closest opponent (and 43% more than the Republican), even though Jews make up 12% of the city's population. Zohran Mamdani won every borough except Staten Island.

https://www.cnn.com/election/2025/results/new-york-city-mayor

In California, an election to abandon nonpartisan commissions' role in drawing US Congressional districts (in response to similar moves in Republican states) won by an almost 2:1 margin, even though only 45.3% of California's voters are registered as Democrats:

https://electionresults.sos.ca.gov/returns/maps/ballot-measures/prop/50

https://www.ppic.org/publication/california-voter-and-party-profiles/

 

Elections are decided by swing voters. I believe we know what swing voters are thinking at this time. Where possible, Republicans are doing what they can to dilute votes from Democrats, and lawmakers in several states, such as Texas, have been successful in doing that. We were touring Maine last month, and Republicans had put forth a measure to make it more difficult to vote absentee/by mail. We saw plenty of "Yes on 1" yard signs throughout the trip (much more than no signs), and were worried. Maine is another swing state, with one Republican US Senator and one Independent. That ballot measure was trounced, by an almost 30% margin. (Also a gun control measure won handily). 

 https://ballotpedia.org/Maine_Question_1,_Require_Voter_Photo_ID_and_Change_Absentee_Ballot_and_Drop_Box_Rules_Initiative_(2025)

Much can change in 1 year, and Republicans continue their shenanigans where they can (without direct voter involvement). I think that independent voters now have a dim view of Republican misdeeds, at least as of this time, however.

 

I think that independent voters now have a dim view of Republican misdeeds, at least as of this time, however.

 

I hope you are right, but I have grave concerns. I remember  that this is a nation that voted for prohibition...

[vinapu]

3 hours ago, Keithambrose said:

I hope you are right, but I have grave concerns. I remember  that this is a nation that voted for prohibition...

but it was 100 years ago so they had plenty of time to sober up

[unicorn]

7 hours ago, Keithambrose said:

... I have grave concerns...

😉

[floridarob]

22 hours ago, Keithambrose said:

One of my friends,  who lives in America  said, "never underestimate the stupidity of the average American voter". 

Same holds true for so many countries.....

[Keithambrose]

1 hour ago, floridarob said:

Same holds true for so many countries.....

And I don't think social media is helping!

[rand32]

13 hours ago, floridarob said:

Same holds true for so many countries.....

Exactly, actually for all countries.

[jimmie50]

On 11/7/2025 at 2:04 PM, caeron said:

All true, except for the fact that he was a train wreck last time and they voted for him again anyway.

So true, and a fact I truly do not understand.  Why did people vote for him this time around, and what is this hold he has over the Republican party in general?!?  I don't get it.  

[PeterRS]

3 hours ago, jimmie50 said:

So true, and a fact I truly do not understand.  Why did people vote for him this time around, and what is this hold he has over the Republican party in general?!?  I don't get it.  

Surely we have to remember that last year's election had two candidates and Trump was clearly regarded by many swing voters as the better of two dreadful ones. The Biden Presidency, for all the spin, was a near disaster. He could have totally emasculated Trump during his term but he thought that didn't matter as he'd beat him in a General Election anyway, this despite his having always said he would just be a one-term President. His ego got the better of him and then he and his handlers kept from the public the man's failing health and cognitive abilities, but it was pretty obvious to many. If ever there was a reason to have age limits for Presidents and Supreme Court Justices, we have seen that obvious truth in the last couple of years.

Where were the Democrat grandees who sat back and did nothing until it was way too late? They should have ensured Biden pulled out of the race much earlier to enable at least a form of primary to select a candidate. When Kamala Harris was asked on The View what she would have done differently from Biden, it was as though she was a deer in the headlights. Didn't her team even guess this was a question she'd at some stage have to face? Clearly not, for her answer was "nothing"! That killed her. 

As has been written here before, Trump's hold over the Republican Party goes back to the teachings of his mentor, the sleaze bag, frightful, homophobic in public and gay in private, lawyer Roy Cohn. His mantra was always attack, attack some more, counter-attack and then sue, no matter how right or wrong the case. As is now happening with his once fiercely loyal MAGA lap-dog Marjorie Taylor-Greene who has finally come out against him in the Epstein case and other issues, she has received threats and Trump has withdrawn his endorsement of her in the next Congessional Election. Republicans are basically terrified and the Democrat old guard is basically spineless. The latter's one hope is that signs are starting to show the emergence of a new younger and more energised Democratic Party.

[unicorn]

5 hours ago, PeterRS said:

...When Kamala Harris was asked on The View what she would have done differently from Biden, it was as though she was a deer in the headlights. Didn't her team even guess this was a question she'd at some stage have to face? Clearly not, for her answer was "nothing"! That killed her...

You hit the nail on the head. One can only wonder how things would have gone if Biden hadn't developed dementia, but one of the most terrible aspects of dementia is that most often the person with dementia doesn't understand his cognitive loss. We're seeing it again in Trump. I suspect the country will be in a shitty spot by the time of the next US Presidential Election. I also suspect whoever the Republican candidate is will have better answers as to how he'd have done things differently from Trump.