Broken heart (just a little)

[KeepItReal]

Being honest with myself today by admitting that I am a little heart broken. 💔  A regularly hire decided to move on and left me wondering what happened... 

 

Back story: I met Jose on Grindr 2 years ago and have been seeing him every other week. By now I have upped his rate to be double what we started with. We made a great match, I helped his career along and stepped in when he need a little extra (always a gift, never a loan). Things were good - we traveled a bit and our age difference was never that apparent even if he was the handsome younger guy. Haven't been able to reach him for 3 weeks now, but see activity on his socials. I believe he blocked my phone from reaching him.  I am gonna miss this fella! 👀

[vinapu]

take  cold shower and move on. I wouldn't look at his socials either  , at least for a while , to avoid bitterness. Think about good times with him instead while looking for replacement

[KeepItReal]

1 hour ago, vinapu said:

take  cold shower and move on. I wouldn't look at his socials either  , at least for a while , to avoid bitterness. Think about good times with him instead while looking for replacement

Good advice! Luckily I have other regular hires who can keep me distracted. I may even start looking for a replacement! 😉  Clearly I am starting to over-analyze in my advanced age! 😆

[jimmie50]

11 hours ago, vinapu said:

I wouldn't look at his socials either

Sorry for this experience, but agree with @vinapu that it is best to try and move on as quickly as possible.  Going to his socials will only prolong the agony and make you question even more what happened.  

[durian]

Being 'ghosted' is a horrible experience and difficult to understand when you have appeared to have done nothing wrong.

It can rip your insides apart because there is no explanation. That 'not knowing why' is a monster

It's not easy to move on but you certainly need new distractions, my only advice is for the time being, keep any distractions light and at arms length.

Situations like this do change (possibly when the other party needs something, in my experience)  in a couple of weeks you might get contact again, at which point it would pay to be a little distant and 'busy' while you consider your options. 

[floridarob]

1 hour ago, durian said:

at which point it would pay to be a little distant and 'busy' while you consider your options. 

100%

[Keithambrose]

1 hour ago, floridarob said:

100%

If you use escorts regularly,  as I have done for a long time, this happens.  As was said, it can be a guy you've known  a long time,  no indication of an issue, they just disappear. It's happened to me 2 or 3 times. It doesn’t  upset me, I just move on.  I like to use a small number of guys, regulars, so to speak,  so we build up a relationship, but it's still an occupational hazard. Even if you are fond of the guy, at the end of the day, it's a commercial relationship.  If their contact is still working, I just wish them well. I never got a reply!

[PeterRS]

It can also happen when the young man is not an escort. I wrote some years ago about getting to know a handsome waiter in one of the city's best Italian restaurants not far from my apartment. I was a guest of a client, I hasten to add. The waiter was 24, spoke good English and I chatted with him on several visits. Eventually I summoned up the courage to ask if he would like to see a popular entertainment event which was visiting Bangkok a couple of months later. He surprised me by agreeing.

In the meantime, since that restaurant also had a very reasonably priced set-lunch menu, I had gone two or three times with gay friends. So I was certain the waiter was aware I am gay. Anyway, we went to see the show which he loved and then to a nice hotel bar for drinks and snacks during which I invited him to come and stay if he ever had a late function at the restaurant. Not sure if he himself might be gay since he always acted more like a straight guy, I stressed I had a large sofa which turns into a bed.

He began to come round several times and each time stayed the night. One was on his birthday in December 2007.  When I learned he would not be having a party, I bought a nice cake and candles. He was so happy and happily I still have these photos. A couple of times, he knocked on my bedroom door and asked if he could sleep with me. Silly question!! But it was all very vanilla and I still had the impression he was more straight than gay. Our evenings together were mostly spent on the sofa chatting and joking. Over many months he became a very good friend and I just loved being in his company.

After about six months, he said he wanted to work overseas. The popular Bangkok Mango Tree restaurant was opening a branch in Dubai and offered him a job. I checked the contract for him and made some suggestions. For the first few months, he loved it. We were exchanging messages virtually every two days and he described his excitement at being outside Thailand. After four months, though, it was obvious the attraction of Dubai had worn off and he wanted to come home. So even though he'd be breaking the contract, I happily purchased an air ticket for him. 

After another three months, he decided he wanted to see more of the world and had been offered a job with a major cruise company sailing the Baltic. I tried to dissuade him, reminding him that housekeeping on cruise lines is a 7-day a week job. He would have to wait months before he got a few weeks off. But he insisted and so off he went. With emails expensive on these ships, he would write to me when he had a few hours off at the ports he was visiting.

A few days before his month off, he contacted me, told me when he'd be returning and hoped he could stay with me. When he arrived at BKK, he called to say he'd first go to his home town in Issarn to see his family. He gave me the date he'd be arriving in Bangkok. And that was the last I ever heard from him!

I wrote him several emails. I was concerned that maybe he'd been in an accident. I even told him that if he had perhaps got married, I'd still love to hear from him. Or even if he now had a gay lover. My mind went through all possible reasons. My emails all went through, but I never received a reply. I knew a couple of his friends in Bangkok. They told me they did not know where he was - but I had long since realised not to trust what a Thai tells me, the more so when it concerns a fellow Thai.

And so there the story ends. I'd known him for almost two years and we had become extremely friendly for about 18 months. I have a horrible feeling that he might have somehow died on that trip home. But who knows? I will never find out. As @durian points out in his earlier post, it is the not knowing that is the "monster".