The Murders of Rob Reiner and his Wife: and the Issue of Anger

[PeterRS]

On a day when the ghastly murder of movie director Rob Reiner and his wife appears to have been a result of extreme anger on the part of one of their sons, we are reminded that anger in whatever form can have consequences. In the Reiner’s case, it certainly appears to have been the result of their son's many years of substance abuse, perhaps – although this is only being hinted at and may not be fact - a misunderstanding on the part of the boy’s parents on how to deal with such very substantial on-going substance abuse, and a steady build-up of anger. We know that anger can be exhibited in many forms. Sometimes in an outright explosion of sorts. Sometimes it is bottled up only to show its ugly face in a seemingly inexplicable outburst at a later time. Frequently it is related in some way to mental health issues. Today in Britain another form of anger is being faced. 

It was meant to be a day of joy. Vast numbers had poured on to the streets of Liverpool on 26 May to celebrate their football team winning England’s Premier League. Streets were all but closed as the team atop their double-decker bus slowly made their way through the city centre.

One car driver, Paul Doyle aged 54, became increasingly angry that the crowds meant he could not get to his destination. His anger mounted. As it did so, he took action. Shouting “Fucking hell. Move!” he continued on his way, driving right into the crowd. In his seven-minute rampage he injured 134 people, many severely, before the police could finally stop him and drag him away. Mercifully no one was killed. Having pleaded guilty, he is due to be sentenced today.

The prosecutor, after outlining the suffering he had caused and referring to police dashcam footage, told the Court he was a man "whose anger had completely taken hold of him."

I suspect that from time to time we all lose our tempers - with the honorable exception of our mild-mannered @vinapu - but never with such disastrous consequences. Some are more prone to anger than others. Some go to therapy to find some help. Some even enrol in classes to treat issues of anger, helping us accept those things which annoy us but will always be part of our lives and how best to deal with them. Like it or not we all have to deal with them. During my career I quite frequently wanted to scream at idiotic government personnel and civil servants who knew far less about a subject than I, the professional hired to advise them.

I can recall two instances where I did let down my guard and let the madness take over. Perhaps surprisingly each had the desired effect. One delighted me; the other depressed me. The longer I lived in Asia, the more I came to realise that there can be other ways to achieve one’s objectives, more subtle ways that usually take longer but without the other party actually understanding I had won the day.

I often think that annoyance, anger and other negative issues have increased very significantly as a result of social media. When we are in a pub along with other people there, few of us would scream at someone, “You’re just a fucking ignorant bastard!” As the result, at the least that would be likely to have a drink poured over us. On social media, there are no such consequences. A round of name-calling, perhaps with, depending on the circumstances, one banning the other. So, effectively what in a ‘live’ situation could have quite serious consequences, is dismissed with virtually none. What’s the point of being angry when you can make the other just disappear? Yet the anger seems to get worse. It’s basically why I call it unsocial media.

On this Board we see some of this, but not nearly as much as in some other chat Boards. My discussions with @Moses no doubt fall into this category. There is much we dislike in each other’s commentaries, but if we were meeting in somewhere like the lovely circular bar atop the Swissotel in Moscow with its cute waiters and bar tenders, I suspect we would both be considerably more diplomatic, even though we would still never agree.

So I suppose the point of this post is to pose the question: do little things annoy you and how do you cope with the resultant anger!

[vinapu]

10 hours ago, PeterRS said:

 

I suspect that from time to time we all lose our tempers - with the honorable exception of our mild-mannered @vinapu -

.............

So I suppose the point of this post is to pose the question: do little things annoy you and how do you cope with the resultant anger!

thank you for a nice assessment but don't be fooled by the mask. It's simply issues we are talking about here are not worth outbursts and raised blood pressure, Whether we are right or wrong , at next click it instantly  becomes irrelevant

..................

one of advantages of aging is experience and this helps to separate relevant from irrelevant. Also we learned that sometimes what seems disaster today, down the road it may turn blessing. Years ago I was fired from the job I held for 13 years resulting in loss of income and exclusive use of company car. Devastating . I sued for wrongful dismissal and easily won but that's  not  a point. 20 years later I can easily say that firing was best which happened in 44 years of my working life. I even took some pain to pass that message to my then boss to cheer him up as I learned he got booted out by his business partner.

so when something small annoys me I just threw from balcony the plate or glass at passing car at random ( I live at busy street )and I'm done with anxiety

[Suckrates]

Keeping anger bottled up is dangerous and unhealthy, so therefore I always say what I think, even if I know my comments will be unpopular or not received well. 

At least I've gotten it off my chest.   Especially if I am commenting on an empty vessel, that lacks any humanity or decency.  Basically a steaming pile of Orange feces.

I will often offer Grace to people if they shows some sign of self-reflection or understanding,  but such is NOT the case with Trump.  I CANNOT understand why people continue to give this horrible, cancerous old sack of shit "the benefit of any doubt".   There is NO doubt that he is a vile person without anything redeemable.   His place is waiting in a burning Hell.   

As you may have noticed, I WILL vent,  I learned that from my Sister Steven Kesslar, although I have not yet perfected it to the science that she has.... Venting makes me FEEL better, especially if there is at least one person that will agree with me.   But I am cognizant of the fact if may not solve the actual problem..... Baby steps. 

I still get angry, and often seethe, but by letting it out, I am hoping not to give myself a cerebral hemorrhage or stroke. 

And the fact that Trump wont allow me to have "37 Dolls" is really pissing me off !    

[jimmie50]

4 hours ago, Suckrates said:

Trump wont allow me to have "37 Dolls" is really pissing me off !   

I agree with you whole-heartedly that trump does not have one redeeming quality.  I don't understand the '37 Dolls' comment.   

[PeterRS]

17 hours ago, PeterRS said:

The prosecutor, after outlining the suffering he had caused and referring to police dashcam footage, told the Court he was a man "whose anger had completely taken hold of him."

The man who drove into the crowd in Liverpool in May was sentenced yesterday to 21 years and 6 months in prison.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025/dec/16/man-who-drove-into-liverpool-fc-parade-jailed-paul-doyle

[PeterRS]

7 hours ago, Suckrates said:

Keeping anger bottled up is dangerous and unhealthy, so therefore I always say what I think, even if I know my comments will be unpopular or not received well.

I totally agree with your comments about Trump. But not with your first sentence. Put yourself in my position as outlined in my post, when I would often be confronted by civil servants and political appointees who disagreed with my professional advice, even though that is largely what I had been hired to give. Sometimes I was ready to scream at them.

But I realised it would have done absolutely no good other than perhaps getting me fired. And having moved 6,000 miles to get the job, I was not ready to  fly another 6,000 miles home. I had no choice but to bottle up that anger. But then I would spend some time working out how to achieve my goal through other means. To begin with that was not easy and I did quite seriously consider giving up the job and returning to the UK. But guided by an elderly lady who had spent most of her life in Hong Kong, she taught me quite a few tricks that over time enabled me to get my way, almost every time. That was more than four decades ago ago and I'm still here in Asia!

[Suckrates]

4 hours ago, jimmie50 said:

I agree with you whole-heartedly that trump does not have one redeeming quality.  I don't understand the '37 Dolls' comment.   

 

Its a mocking of Trumps view of the american economy, which he claims to be soaring,  the best anyone has ever seen.....   He claims the only problem is that citizens want an abunbdance of everything,  they are NOT satisfied with having an acceptable 1 or 2 dolls or only 2 pencils.....They want to have 37 dolls and dozens of pencils.   He claims the ANSWER to the perceived AFFORDABILITY issue is simply "just buy LESS stuff".....

Hope I've clarified the comment for you ?  

[Keithambrose]

5 hours ago, Suckrates said:

 

Its a mocking of Trumps view of the american economy, which he claims to be soaring,  the best anyone has ever seen.....   He claims the only problem is that citizens want an abunbdance of everything,  they are NOT satisfied with having an acceptable 1 or 2 dolls or only 2 pencils.....They want to have 37 dolls and dozens of pencils.   He claims the ANSWER to the perceived AFFORDABILITY issue is simply "just buy LESS stuff".....

Hope I've clarified the comment for you ?  

Buying less stuff should help the economy, not!

[unicorn]

On 12/16/2025 at 5:18 AM, PeterRS said:

 

On a day when the ghastly murder of movie director Rob Reiner and his wife appears to have been a result of extreme anger on the part of one of their sons, we are reminded that anger in whatever form can have consequences. In the Reiner’s case, it certainly appears to have been the result of their son's many years of substance abuse, perhaps – although this is only being hinted at and may not be fact - a misunderstanding on the part of the boy’s parents on how to deal with such very substantial on-going substance abuse, and a steady build-up of anger....

I hope I'm reading this incorrectly, and that you're not hinting that the parents are in any way responsible for their own deaths. The son Nick was given countless opportunities to clean his life up with rehabilitation programs (paid for by his parents). Each time he went in front of a judge, he was simply given more probation for violating his probation, and innumerable stints in rehab. The only lesson he apparently received was that he could act with sociopathic impunity, and expect no significant consequences. The lesson I glean from this unfortunate incident is that we need to be more serious and separate these people from society after the 3rd strike. We can't have these Eric Cartman "I'll do what I want" people wandering the streets. Hopefully, this time he gets locked up for good and society will finally be protected. If he's let out, one can expect more tragedy.

[a-447]

I grew up in a society with a strict heirachy, in which we all knew our place.

I learnt at an early age not to question things and above all, not to say or do anything that could offend others.

(These societal norms do not apply among friends, where we can, and do, say whatever we want. It acts like a safety valve.)

On returning to Australia to live permanently, I was surprised at how blunt people were when they spoke to each other, and was often deeply offended. I gradually learnt that that is just the way Aussies are and came to appreciate their straight forward way of talking and they way the openly spoke their minds. I was used to keeping my opinions to myself and was always conscious of not treading on other people's toes.

And that is how, by and large, I have continued to live my life. 

Social media is little different; it gives me more freedom to state my case of offer up an opinion. And I have written a few fairly blunt letters to the editor of our local newspaper.

If I find someone in real life annoying or argumentative, I just move away from them. No aggro, no angst, no stress. I love it!

And when I am in Japan I quickly switch back to treading carefully and walking the tightrope.

[jimmie50]

8 hours ago, unicorn said:

The son Nick was given countless opportunities to clean his life up with rehabilitation programs (paid for by his parents). Each time he went in front of a judge, he was simply given more probation for violating his probation, and innumerable stints in rehab. The only lesson he apparently received was that he could act with sociopathic impunity, and expect no significant consequences.

Perfect example to reflect on another post you started with the question: Why is this man still allowed in public.  From news reports, it seems he was in and out of rehab 18 different times.  One has to ask the question if he had not been given probation so many times but instead after three strikes would have been sentenced to jail time if the outcome of this situation would have been different.  No plea was entered for him today, but his attorney has asked for people to keep an open mind and not pre-judge the situation based upon news reports.  Anyone else see an insanity defense coming?  His brother and sisters issued a statement specifically about the loss of their parents, but made no mention whatsoever of Nick.  Would be interested in knowing their thoughts having dealt with him so much over the years.  

[vinapu]

19 hours ago, Suckrates said:

 

I  He claims the ANSWER to the perceived AFFORDABILITY issue is simply "just buy LESS stuff".....

 

he is more bright than I thought

[vinapu]

13 hours ago, Keithambrose said:

Buying less stuff should help the economy, not!

if you buy 1 doll for 20$ instead of 3 dolls at 10$ each then it won't help.

If you buy 1 doll for 40 $ instead of 3 for 10$ each , both economy and environment may be grateful

[Keithambrose]

1 minute ago, vinapu said:

if you buy 1 doll for 20$ instead of 3 dolls at 10$ each then it won't help.

If you buy 1 doll for 40 $ instead of 3 for 10$ each , both economy and environment may be grateful

I don't  think Trump  had in mind buying far fewer items at a vastly higher price!

[vinapu]

3 minutes ago, Keithambrose said:

I don't  think Trump  had in mind buying far fewer items at a vastly higher price!

we agree here. Perhaps unknowingly though  , he hinted that often we are unhappy because we can't afford buying stuff we really don't need. 

Walking by the store today I saw in the window beautiful shirt I loved but price was correspondingly high so I uttered quietly polite ' o fuck' to myself. Then I thought ' you idiot, you have 17 of them, what you need another one  for in your age? and I smiled. 

[Moses]

Falling Down, 1993, movie with Michael Douglas 

[jimmie50]

20 hours ago, Suckrates said:

Hope I've clarified the comment for you ? 

Thanks for the explanation.  I had not heard it said before, but then again, I don't listen to anything he says.  If he comes across television or on the computer I immediately mute it.  Have no desire to listen to such nonsense.  Try to avoid reading most things, but impossible to avoid completely.  

[jimmie50]

1 hour ago, vinapu said:

he is more bright than I thought

You are giving him way too much credit, @vinapu!  I don't believe he even has half a brain.  

[PeterRS]

13 hours ago, unicorn said:

I hope I'm reading this incorrectly, and that you're not hinting that the parents are in any way responsible for their own deaths. 

With much regret I am indeed hinting this. But not because it is my own view - not in the slightest. It was what Rob Reiner said many times in a considerable number of interviews. He stated that he and his wife took their son to endless doctors, psychiatrists or whoever they believed qualified and thereafter took their words as gospel. Thus they meted out what he called "tough love" whereas, he also stated, instead he should have listened to and acted on his feelings as a parent.

Rob also said that he didn’t listen to Nick as much as he should have while the family was battling Nick’s addiction. “The program works for some people, but it can’t work for everybody. When Nick would tell us that it wasn’t working for him, we wouldn’t listen. We were desperate,” Rob said in the LA Times interview. “And because the people [at rehabs] had diplomas on their wall, we listened to them when we should have been listening to our son.”

https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/story/rob-reiner-nick-reiner-movie-being-charlie?srsltid=AfmBOorJxXBVojORU-7j9UUGEdTFYsZB8DgNefAVgSEMIR1OT1q5QNIr

Michelle Reiner in another interview echoed her husband's views

Michele said: “We were so influenced by these people. They would tell us he’s a liar, that he was trying to manipulate us. And we believed them.”

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-news/rob-reiner-nick-reiner-kill-home-1236451409/