TotallyOz Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 My boyfriend has a 9 year old son. He spends weekends with us and I enjoy spending time with him. He is a great kid but all he wants to do is play online games (like his dad). He does not speak English. He can say hello and goodbye and some basic words but not too much. He is not doing bad in school but he is also not doing great. I would love for him to have some great learning experiences but Private School is out of the question as I had offered to send him there years ago and the grandmother would not have it. She wanted him in a public school and it may be too late to transfer him and I am sure he is behind others in his grade. So, what can I do to get him a real education? Tutors? English Lessons? He is in public school and he does not even read and write Thai well. I want to make sure he has a great future but I am also an outsider. Any recommendations? Suggestions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest thaiworthy Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I've had farang tell me that a child brought up under the influence of Buddhism can be made to feel inadequate simply by virtue of their plight and the hopelessness that comes from some Buddhist beliefs. I have been told children are taught if you are poor, you will remain poor (or otherwise disadvantaged) and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Live with it. Fortunately, I do not fully agree or appreciate the above paragraph. I would like to think anyone can rise above all that and succeed doing whatever they want to. So it's part culture and part environment. With that said, this is my advice: What is a "real education?" People of any age only do what they want to do. You cannot force someone to do something they are not inclined to do no matter how much you feel they need it. If he has any talents for art, music, science, math, history . . . motivate him in that direction. Take him to to museums, science/computer fairs, art galleries, sporting events, etc., give him "fun" things to do within his certain field of interest. Open up his world without coercion. You can't force him into an education, that is a discovery he can only make on his own. Right now he is thinking "fun" and you are thinking "real education." That is a huge gap you have to bridge, but you needn't be in any hurry to do it. And maybe you are "thinking too much." If it were me, and he likes video games, I would show him a little programming that illustrates how a video game works. There are even arcade games that can teach you certain subjects! But there is a lot I don't know about his world, since I don't know him personally. What's his name? Anyway Michael, I think at age 9-- it's not the destination, it's the ride. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HeyGay Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) Ill say no More than, teach your the child jolly phonics system and he won't have any problems learning English, every school in Bangkok I have witnessed it being taught the students are far advanced in reading and writing and speaking English? http://www.jollyphonicsthailand.com/?page_id=138 http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/230655-phonics/ You can either teach it yourself or find one of the many schools around Bangkok that teach it, may be even Pattaya it's advances students very fast? Even a 9 years old you can start from the beginning. Edited October 29, 2012 by HeyGay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest fountainhall Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 may be even Pattaya it's advances students very fast? I would be careful. This may be where Mr HeyGay advances his written English so good? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fedssocr Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Unfortunately the education system of Thailand (and the rest of SE Asia) needs a major top to bottom overhaul. For a long time I think the system was designed to give people only the most basic education in order to keep them "in their place". There's an interesting group in Laos called Big Brother Mouse that is doing some very interesting things there. They publish children's books and distribute them to schools so the kids will learn to enjoy reading. They also have had some "discovery days" events in Luang Prabang the last couple of years to introduce science experiments and puzzles to people. It has been a big hit. With a 9 year old I think the key is probably to make it fun so that he doesn't even realize he is learning. Maybe if you could find a book of simple science things you can do with household objects or something like that. You could introduce ideas and concepts to pique his curiosity and interest. But if the family is resistant to any formal school experience then there's probably not a whole lot you can do. Which is a shame. What does his father think? Does he only do what his mother says (like all Thai boys)? For his life, learning how to read and write in Thai should probably be the first priority. TotallyOz 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokopelli Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Put the boy in a private school if you can afford the cost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest thaiworthy Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Put the boy in a private school if you can afford the cost. A good idea, and already considered, but was met with obstacles, unfortunately it seems. I would love for him to have some great learning experiences but Private School is out of the question as I had offered to send him there years ago and the grandmother would not have it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokopelli Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Yes, I see now that Granny is the problem with the option of private school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 While your motives certainly are commendable, Michael, I'm doubtful that whatever you do will do any good. Without a revamped educational system (which isn't going to happen at least within a time frame to help this kid) and without some reasonable parental/grandparental encouragement (which seems to be totally lacking), it's difficult for me to believe you'll get anything accomplished with/for the kid. Plus, sad or not, even if he had a decent education, his future success at finding a decent job is 99% tied to who he or his relatives know. That's just how it works here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HeyGay Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 I don't know where some of you get your information from about the standard of teaching in Thailand, but my experience is that what ever standard you want your child to learn by, its out there for you, if the child is a slow learner there's are private part time evening schools like http://www.inlingua.com/ Or http://teakdoor.com/teaching-in-thailand/36343-language-schools-in-bangkok-a-selection.html Who do an amazing job teaching students of all ages for what ever you need English language learning for, to pass exams, get into Univercity, beginners, intermediate, or proficient students, or even Business English, just look around its all out there for all levels. Pleade don't take any notice of the doom and gloom Merchants Michael, it's amazing how some people pertain they are so intelligent but in reality they really don't know what they are tslking about? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KhorTose Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Pleade don't take any notice of the doom and gloom Merchants Michael, it's amazing how some people pertain they are so intelligent but in reality they really don't know what they are tslking about? Yeah, will all of you doom and gloom Merchants please close your trap. Gee, to think some people don't like LMTU. God only wonders why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HeyGay Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Who cares who likes who in my world the truth is God not me, may be its you who should do your homework before trying to pretend to be knowledgeable about everything including who hates who, start by looking in the mirror you may find the answer there who is not such a Mr. Nice. Guy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nikom Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 . "My boyfriend has a 9 year old son." OH, so where is daddy? He is the key here. If he has no interest in your project Michael then forget it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HeyGay Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Here we go again, so you declare the poor child to a life of uneducated misery just because the father has hit and run, ridiculous I say can't you read through what michael is saying he is the surrogate Grand Father and I must say I have not seem him happier riding along on his motorbike with Grand Ma and the kids after gorging themselves @ Salt and Pepper, he wants to give the poor child the best he can and is requesting the best way to go about it. The problem is the child is starting to speak English at nine, Grade 4 or 5 and the other students have probably been learning English since kindergarten, so this child is at kindergarten stage as a beginner and would have to catch up fast, it is all possible if you as I said, take lessons at one of the private schools above and find an English program school as a first time learner, to take care of all his other academic needs? Please let us know what you decide on Micheal or just buy the jolly phonics package or join one if there school in Bangkok it is the fastest way to learn English from scratch I have seen, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest thaiworthy Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 . "My boyfriend has a 9 year old son." OH, so where is daddy? He is the key here. If he has no interest in your project Michael then forget it! Good point. When you consider this, together with the fact that Grandma doesn't want your help, it paints a pretty bleak picture. The only solution may just be that there is no solution. Who else besides you wants to further his education? This is beginning to look like a lost cause. Sorry, dude. Even with the present educational system, I think the best course of action is if someday he takes it upon himself to improve things, at least on a basic level, practically self-educated, just like Abe Lincoln. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firecat69 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 So the Grandmother doesn't want it. So what. As we all know she will do what benefits her or in other words if she was to lose something by not allowing the boy to go to school , she will change her tune quickly. The father has no experience to understand the importance of education , so can he really be blamed for not understanding what a benefit it would be to his son? Michael wants to lead the boy to education and as we all know the surrounding family members will go along in order to keep their benefits. The question is if Michael can keep motivated by the knowledge that he is right even when faced with the lack of interest of family members. I bet he can and what he is looking for here are helpful ideas. Those of you who love to criticize Hey Gay should realize that he is the only poster here who has continued to offer positive ideas even while getting picked on by certain members and their negativity. Not to say I agree with all of Hey Gays posts but in this particular case he is trying to be helpful and positive! TotallyOz 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest thaiworthy Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 The father has no experience to understand the importance of education , so can he really be blamed for not understanding what a benefit it would be to his son? I don't buy that at all. It takes experience to be a father? Tell that to the world's first-borns, one of which is me. I still say Nikom is right. You can't help those who don't want to be helped, and right now, that's the way it looks. What do you know that we don't know? While it is noble for Michael to want the best for this family, I'm not sure this path is going to lead anywhere. He asked for opinions and helpful ideas and he got them. Some gave unbiased and objective viewpoints. Would you have wanted it any other way? It doesn't really matter what any of us think anyway because ultimately it is up to the family. As for HeyGay, two of his posts started with the wrong tone: I don't know where some of you get your information from about the standard of teaching in Thailand, Here we go again, so you declare the poor child to a life of uneducated misery just because the father has hit and run Too bad there's no emoticon of a guy beating a dead horse or I'd use it right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firecat69 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Hey Gays replies on the above were to posters who criticized the Thai Education system and the Thai people. Those posts are not relevant to helping Michael which was the point of the post. They also probably came from people who are just venting their personal opinions which they cannot prove with facts IMHO. You continue to talk about the grandmother and father and Michael is talking about the boy. He wants to help the boy if he is given constructive suggestions such as what schools , where he can get ratings of schools both to bring a student up to where he should be and then continue on with his education. The family can be forced into allowing the boy to get an education. Michael does not need to be told about the problems which is all you and MOST other posters have given except for HeyGay. And in this thread the only negative things you can post about HeyGay are his reactions to being attacked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Disagree or not, Michael asked for some opinions here and he's gotten them. My opinion may be "negative" to some but from my view it's an honest assessment as to what Michael and the boy are facing (based, of course, on what we understand from the information Michael's provided us). No doubt, as mentioned, Michael's motives are good and he most definitely has a "jai dee" heart; that, however, absolutely doesn't change the family background and attitudes about the value of a better education. I'm doubtful if Michael can make the educational choices for the boy without the family's consent and I generally believe that the kid won't really take good advantage of any special or improved education without at least attitudinal support by family members (and I gather there is little or none of that). And, unlike the west, a good education provides less of a springboard to success here than in the west and good jobs and careers here depend more on who you know versus what you know. Anything you can do, Michael, certainly is "good" and it's even possible (I've been there, done that, a few times) that you feel the effort is worth it even if the prognosis for a good end result is poor. So, as they say, take your best shot and do whatever it is (if anything) you feel might be helpful. I've paid for college/university educations (and some high school) for more than one Thai guy here and I don't regret a moment of it. There are positives - both in they being smarter or more educated and my own private satisfaction with making the effort; however, if one asked me to honestly assess as to whether any of that actually made any difference whatsoever in the current lives or careers (or lack thereof) of the participants, I'd have to be honest and simply say "no." Still, as noted, I don't regret the effort and I think the whole process has led me to better understand how things really work here in Thailand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 The family can be forced into allowing the boy to get an education. Respectfully, you're dead wrong. And, if you think that it would be wise for Michael to even attempt a forced solution here without some active support of the boy's immediate caregivers (whether that be momma, grandma, or dad), I respectfully and wholeheartedly disagree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest fountainhall Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Bob is spot on. Of course HeyGay and others can offer whatever suggestions they like and they can have the best of intentions. But nothing will work, in my view, because of what Michael wrote in the very first post - He is a great kid but all he wants to do is play online games (like his dad) I can't recall how many years Michael has known his bf, but it is clearly long enough for him to know from Michael and from Michael's lifestyle what the benefits of education are likely to be. If the father, granny and the rest of the child's natural family are against what Michael would like to do for the child, then there's zero chance of anything working. In some cases, I suspect a series of incentives geared to changing minds and perceptions might work - e.g. a new house for granny, some formal guarantee of financial security, specific gifts for the child when he meets certain goals, and so on. But I also suspect Michael is already so generous that the family is reasonably certain such goodies will be forthcoming with or without education for the child. I really feel for Michael on this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firecat69 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 You are welcome to disagree but Thai families of this economic strata do whatever is required in order to keep the money flowing. Unlike the West Thai mothers are only interested in their sons doing well so that they can take a % of the money. If they think that money is threatened then they will do whatever is needed to protect the income. I have seen it many times. If the son tells mama this is the way it is or there will be no more money mama will make 180 degree turn to preserve her income. It's so hard as a Westerner to accept that parents in Thailand expect their children to support them. This has nothing to do with how old they are or capable of working. They want to sponge off their children I don't know about any of the rest of the falangs posting here but that is certainly not the way it is in the USA. So mama will do what she has to do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 You are welcome to disagree but Thai families of this economic strata do whatever is required in order to keep the money flowing. Contrary to some thinking, not everything in Thailand is for sale. There are lots of principled poor folk here although I'd have to agree that there are not too many of them floating around certain sections of Pattaya or Bangkok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firecat69 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I should have been more specific. 99% of families who allow their children either known or not to enter the sex trade will bleed them dry if given half a chance. Oh sure they will ask to borrow for car etc. but of course have no intention of ever paying it back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HeyGay Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I have just cottoned on who his dad is, I have known him for so many years I hate to remember, in my day he was one of the best looking Boys in the Sunee Area, and that was way before the many Bars opened around Sunee, apart from Crazy Pub, and California Hote,l now INCHAT Hotel, Miss Sunee's real name, he does have a mind of his own may be he has strong ideas what he wants the boy to do with his life, may be he is happy for Micheal to lead as he use to with his Entourage, and part of the deal was they took on an education, I dont know if This father took part in this deal with Micheal and has gained better knowledge from a good schooling, Even though I must say he should be an exspert Computer specialist by now considering this is how they spend the days much of the time, as many farm type Boys loath school and want to have fun or work in a menial job till they die or help Pa Pa on the farm. So I hope Micheal comes from out of the shadows soon and puts us out of our Misery to let us know what he has finally decided for the lad? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
