Love Interest - Thailand 2026

[jimmie50]

OK, would someone please explain to me about the Bangkok Hilton?  I'm confused.  

[floridarob]

2 minutes ago, jimmie50 said:

OK, would someone please explain to me about the Bangkok Hilton?  I'm confused.  

Nick name for a Thai Jail/prison

[khaolakguy]

2 hours ago, hank75 said:

It’s not illegal either to simply be in the presence of an overstayer.

Assisting an illegal immigrant in Thailand is a serious offense under the Immigration Act B.E. 2522 (1979) and its amendments

. The law imposes strict penalties on individuals who harbor, conceal, or assist undocumented foreign nationals in evading arrest. 

Human Rights Watch +4

http://Thai law re assisting an illegal immigrant

 

Probably rarely applied, if the right payments are made.........

 

9 minutes ago, jimmie50 said:

I would be very upset to learn that Hotmale, or any of the bars for that matter had a quota system for the boys regarding a certain number of offs.

Most bars would do that in the same way as if you had a salesman working for you that wasn't pulling his weight.

Bangkok Hilton is an ironic term for a very grim thai prison.

[hank75]

4 minutes ago, khaolakguy said:

. The law imposes strict penalties on individuals who harbor, conceal, or assist undocumented foreign nationals in evading arrest. 

For goodness sakes I wasn’t suggesting Jimmie or any forum members help a boy “evade arrest”. If there is an actual warrant out for arrest then clearly harboring is illegal. My point is simply to stop overdramatizing matters and clutching pearls. Silom is stuffed full of overstayers, even at the bigger bars. These same overstayers have hundreds of customers, Thai and foreign. There have been multiple cases of police checks and an accepted system of payments. I have yet to hear of any boy being flung into prison. Neither have I heard of any farang getting in trouble for engaging an overstaying money boy. If anyone wants to be pedantic about it, prostitution and solicitation are prohibited under Thai law too so let’s just shut down the whole industry while we’re about it. 

The Prevention And Suppression of Prostitution Act states: Anyone who associates with another person in a prostitution establishment for the purpose of prostitution will be imprisoned for up to 1 month and fined no more than 1,000 THB. Penalties increase after repeated offenses, and deportation and blacklisting from Thailand are also possible. Furthermore, should the solicitation violate other laws and codes, as detailed below, the penalties can accumulate.

[hank75]

As I was typing the above message my regular guy called me on a Line. He was undocumented for part of last year. I asked him if his bar minded if he was undocumented and allowed him to work.  His answer was succinct: “They not care I no passport. They care I fat or not fat.”

Hope this gave everyone a laugh. Happy Tuesday! 

[jason1975]

Regarding boys who decline sex with customers because they have sponsors, they are still available for drinking and karaoke. The bars still value them even if they don't get offed as often.

There are big spending customers who regularly off a few boys at a time just to go drinking at another venue. Not all boys are able to drink alcholol so those who are able to hold their liquor and not get drunk are often in demand by such customers.

 

[floridarob]

1 hour ago, jason1975 said:

Regarding boys who decline sex with customers because they have sponsors

I was with a guy about 2 years ago from Hotmale, he said he has a regular customer that sends him money as long as he doesn't have sex with customers, we went for drinks..... then we had sex in my hotel, that was a visit when I stayed at the Conrad, not the Tarntawan..... maybe he thought he could convince me to send money every month 🤷‍♂️

[khaolakguy]

1 hour ago, hank75 said:

For goodness sakes I wasn’t suggesting Jimmie or any forum members help a boy “evade arrest”. If there is an actual warrant out for arrest then clearly harboring is illegal. My point is simply to stop overdramatizing matters and clutching pearls. Silom is stuffed full of overstayers, even at the bigger bars. These same overstayers have hundreds of customers, Thai and foreign. There have been multiple cases of police checks and an accepted system of payments. I have yet to hear of any boy being flung into prison. Neither have I heard of any farang getting in trouble for engaging an overstaying money boy. If anyone wants to be pedantic about it, prostitution and solicitation are prohibited under Thai law too so let’s just shut down the whole industry while we’re about it. 

The Prevention And Suppression of Prostitution Act states: Anyone who associates with another person in a prostitution establishment for the purpose of prostitution will be imprisoned for up to 1 month and fined no more than 1,000 THB. Penalties increase after repeated offenses, and deportation and blacklisting from Thailand are also possible. Furthermore, should the solicitation violate other laws and codes, as detailed below, the penalties can accumulate.

All of which is true-ish.

The quote that  I provided(with link) is from A1 top source Human Rights Watch because I googled this question as I was genuinely interested. I did also add my personal comment that the law was probably rarely applied if the right payments were made. I think that rather than listen to informed/uninformed speculation it is sometimes good to know the actual law and its potential consequences.

I would also think that renting long term(eg three month) accomodation to live in(provide shelter) with some one you know to be an illegal alien might be taken more seriously than a one night stand. 

Anyway this is a side issue in this thread.

[Min]

1 hour ago, hank75 said:

His answer was succinct: “They not care I no passport. They care I fat or not fat.”

or I big or not big

[vinapu]

2 hours ago, jimmie50 said:

....... I would be very upset to learn that Hotmale, or any of the bars for that matter had a quota system for the boys regarding a certain number of offs.  Just the idea of that pisses me off!  (excuse my language)

I doubt such system is in works now but certainly  was in the past ,  at least in some bars. Quota of drinks soled or off fees paid. This could make sense when boys were storming bars to get a job there , not now when some bars have visibly trouble attracting new talent.

It's nice for business to keep their  employees happy but at end of day they need to pay them and rent  somehow and we are not talking about part of economy which can count on direct government handouts

[Keithambrose]

2 minutes ago, vinapu said:

I doubt such system is in works now but certainly  was in the past ,  at least in some bars. Quota of drinks soled or off fees paid. This could make sense when boys were storming bars to get a job there , not now when some bars have visibly trouble attracting new talent.

It's nice for business to keep their  employees happy but at end of day they need to pay them and rent  somehow and we are not talking about part of economy which can count on direct government handouts

"direct government handouts"

 

Indirect via tea money?

[mauRICE]

55 minutes ago, khaolakguy said:

I would also think that renting long term(eg three month) accomodation to live in(provide shelter) with some one you know to be an illegal alien might be taken more seriously than a one night stand. 

Good point. Not only did he know that that someone was an illegal alien but he had taken active steps to provide the illegal alien with a safehouse so as to prevent him from getting arrested. In some jurisdictions that would be called abetment. Not sure how the Thai authorities would view it but I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult for them to come up with a suitable framing of the issue to extract as much money from the farang as possible.

 

2 hours ago, hank75 said:

For goodness sakes I wasn’t suggesting Jimmie or any forum members help a boy “evade arrest”. If there is an actual warrant out for arrest then clearly harboring is illegal.

See previous paragraph.

 

2 hours ago, hank75 said:

Silom is stuffed full of overstayers, even at the bigger bars.

You very well know that they are not "overstayers" but undocumented illegal migrants who are working and staying illegally in Thailand. A person who overstays is someone who has entered Thailand legally and exceeded his permission to stay or visa without a lawful extension.

 

2 hours ago, hank75 said:

If anyone wants to be pedantic about it, prostitution and solicitation are prohibited under Thai law too so let’s just shut down the whole industry while we’re about it. 

Sure, I'd have no problem with this. But surely the better argument is to advocate for the vast commercial sex industry to be legalised in order to protect those in it as well as those who consume it from exploitation. And if I wanted to be really pedantic about it, I'd say, "Harbouring or hiring illegal aliens is wrong. Prostitution is also legally wrong. But two wrongs don't make a right."

 

2 hours ago, hank75 said:

As I was typing the above message my regular guy called me on a Line. He was undocumented for part of last year. I asked him if his bar minded if he was undocumented and allowed him to work.  His answer was succinct: “They not care I no passport. They care I fat or not fat."

Well it ceases to become a joke when they lose their jobs. Recently a massage parlour in Jomtien Complex was raided and the French owner was fined 35,000 THB for each of the his seven illegal Cambodian staff. I believe @jimmie50 witnessed this. The French owner then decided not to hire anymore illegal foreign staff after the hefty 245,000 THB fine. Now he doesn't have enough workers and the workers he fired are in limbo with no jobs.

[hank75]

37 minutes ago, mauRICE said:

A person who overstays is someone who has entered Thailand legally and exceeded his permission to stay or visa without a lawful extension.

Nearly all Cambodian money boys entered on legal visas and overstayed when the border conflict became too severe for them to easily return home to renew. I had a Cambodian boy for some time and witnessed his multiple visa runs. He returned home before the border tensions but his cousin and roommates are all currently overstaying and continuing to work in bars. Jimmie has already clarified Cam first entered legally. 

37 minutes ago, mauRICE said:

Recently a massage parlour in Jomtien Complex was raided and the French owner was fined 35,000 THB for each of the his seven illegal Cambodian staff.

I won’t make assumptions but from what I’ve been told from various bar workers; this happens when the owner does not pay off the police right from the start to not raid his bar. My guy’s bar in Bangkok pays 70,000 monthly. As I’ve said, whether under table money, or a fine, money still solves the issue and no one yet has been hauled off to jail. I don’t see Jimmie planning to operate a Jomtien bar that chooses not to buy into the local protection racket, so perhaps this debate is best paused here and we can return the topic of how to save Jimmie’s wallet if not his heart ….

 

 

[mauRICE]

1 hour ago, hank75 said:

Nearly all Cambodian money boys entered on legal visas and overstayed when the border conflict became too severe for them to easily return home to renew. I had a Cambodian boy for some time and witnessed his multiple visa runs. He returned home before the border tensions but his cousin and roommates are all currently overstaying and continuing to work in bars

"Nearly all Cambodian money boys entered on legal visas..."? How do you know? Because the mama-san told you? 🙄

"I had a Cambodian boy for some time and witnessed his multiple visa runs." Okay, this is fair.

"He returned home before the border tensions but his cousin and roommates are all currently overstaying and continuing to work in bars." They aren't forbidden from going home even while the tensions are going on. 

1 hour ago, hank75 said:

I won’t make assumptions but from what I’ve been told from various bar workers; this happens when the owner does not pay off the police right from the start to not raid his bar. My guy’s bar in Bangkok pays 70,000 monthly. As I’ve said, whether under table money, or a fine, money still solves the issue and no one yet has been hauled off to jail...so perhaps this debate is best paused here...

Oh my...but I agree. You should pause, take a deep breath and listen to what you're saying.

[mauRICE]

57 minutes ago, hank75 said:

...we can return the topic of how to save Jimmie’s wallet if not his heart ….

As much as I like @jimmie50's persona as represented by his posts on this forum, I also respect the fact that he is making his own bed and he therefore shall lie in it.

[Travelingguy]

I have been thinking about this situation which seems to come up often.  These are my thoughts. 

It did not matter to Jimmy that Cam worked in a bar doing offs with customers when they met.  I am not sure why it needs to matter going forward.  

All of the time that Jimmy spent with Cam has been paid for from what I can see.  The relationship so far has been based on money even if emotions are now coming into the picture. It is still a transactional relationship.  

Projecting forward, the discussion continues to be about money.  Sending possible money.  Sponsorship.  Putting conditions, such as no sex with customers based on money being paid.  This would still constitute a paid relationship. Cam is not on an equal playing field financially with Jimmy and never will be.  Jimmy is not on an equal playing field with Cam when it comes to youth and fitness (per Jimmy’s self reports).

If this is going to be a paid relationship, what is so wrong with accepting it as such?  It would simplify everything.  Jimmy could accept that Cam is with him based on the money, even if they like each other.  Cam can be free to live his life as he sees fit when Jimmy is not paying for his time.

Perhaps the better gift that Jimmy can give to Cam (and himself) is freedom.  

Infatuation and obsession lead people to want to control or put limits on others (even if they might think they are saving or helping the other person).  It is fueled by jealousy and insecurity.  But accepting others and yourself for how and who they are is the path to contentment. 

 

 

 

[jimmie50]

Until this discussion, I didn't think about legal vs. illegal ramifications that might impact me directly.  Definitely food for thought.  I am well aware from what I have seen first hand in Jomtien and heard from those directly affected by police shakedowns in Bangkok that the key seems to be financial gain for the police.  We have probably all heard or read stories about how corrupt the police are.  The question that comes to mind in this situation...how would the police know that I was aware Cam's current status was illegal or overstayed...whichever the case may be.  And yes, when he came to Thailand he was legal with appropriate visa.  He has not returned to Cambodia for fear that he would not be able to get back into Thailand and continue working until they have enough money for the new house.  So I am not sure if that classifies him as an 'illegal' or in the 'overstayed' category.  Regardless, how would the police be able to prove that I was aware of his status?  I suppose there are any number of ways they could create a 'just cause' for holding me.  If not harboring an illegal or fugitive, then perhaps hiring a prostitute.  Interesting points to consider for sure.  

[jimmie50]

10 minutes ago, Travelingguy said:

I have been thinking about this situation which seems to come up often.  These are my thoughts. 

Interesting perspective.  Thanks for sharing it.  What you say is very true regarding it is all very transactional and based around money to date.  I readily admit at this stage it is an infatuation or obsession vs. true love.  I suppose in a perfect world I would imagine it to become more about love and less about money.  Realistic?  Probably not.  

[hank75]

1 hour ago, mauRICE said:

"Nearly all Cambodian money boys entered on legal visas..."? How do you know? Because the mama-san told you?

You just can’t let it go can you? Because I have lived with a Cambodian boy, who went on multiple visa runs, usually with the express visa fee paid by me; and was shown the passport and visa on his return. I also knew his cousin and many Cambodian friends who overstayed their visas even before border tensions, because they were too busy/lazy/didn’t want to pay the visa fee to make the visa run. One boy had been in Thailand non stop for 3 years without returning to Cambodia because he couldn’t be bothered to renew his visa as he never encountered any problems. They arrive legally at first because they want to open bank accounts, sign rental agreements etc. My guy was a stickler for renewing his visa because I insisted on it and he had me to pay the express visa fee (I don’t recall exactly - was likely 8000) which is more than the other guys without sponsors wanted to pay every 60 days, along with the weeklong trip that meant no earnings.

My use of overstaying is specific to Cambodians. You will notice I referred to my current guy as undocumented which is accurate for his case. 

1 hour ago, mauRICE said:

They aren't forbidden from going home even while the tensions are going on.

They aren’t from going home. They are from returning to Thailand by Thai border officials and the Thai embassy in Phnom Penh clamping down on the issuing of 60 days visas (or any visa tiers that the bar boys could easily access). My sense is you have limited or no actual understanding of the Cambodian visa process. 

This is the final time I am responding and only because you asked a direct question. But I will also say that I appreciate your comments came from a good place to help a forum member safeguard himself. 

[hank75]

31 minutes ago, jimmie50 said:

If not harboring an illegal or fugitive, then perhaps hiring a prostitute.

Don’t worry we will all be jail with you 😄

[ichigo]

What I like about @jimmie50 is that he is not debating or fighting the advice given on this thread, but instead taking it all on board to learn about how to navigate his situation. It has been an interesting thread to read.

[jimmie50]

11 minutes ago, ichigo said:

What I like about @jimmie50 is that he is not debating or fighting the advice given on this thread, but instead taking it all on board to learn about how to navigate his situation. It has been an interesting thread to read.

I am taking it all in and appreciate what everyone has shared.  The different suggestions and perspectives sometimes help me to see things more clearly, and sometimes muddies the waters, so to speak...but I am very appreciative of them all.  I am the novice here.  Many forum members are far more experienced in situations similar to mine.  

[daydreamer]

12 hours ago, jimmie50 said:

how would I get the Visa card to him?  I am guessing this would be something I purchase in the states and then would mail to him?  

Yes, you could mail the Visa card to him, or a friend of his, maybe a Thai friend with a more established address than Cam may have.  That was why I suggested that you not fund the card until it is in his possession.  Of course, you would provide the card PIN separately for security.

The options to send money to Cam in Bangkok are very limited, since you said his only form of identification is an old Cambodian ID card. 

BTW, I'm curious - maybe I missed something, but if Cam's only form of identification is an old Cambodian ID card, how did he travel to Bangkok?  Did he sneak through the forest across the border or swim?

 

[jimmie50]

1 hour ago, daydreamer said:

BTW, I'm curious - maybe I missed something, but if Cam's only form of identification is an old Cambodian ID card, how did he travel to Bangkok?  Did he sneak through the forest across the border or swim?

He has a Cambodian passport which also includes the appropriate Thai work visa from when he first entered Thailand.  Since he hasn't been able to make a visa run, I don't know that the passport would do much good other than to possibly raise questions.  I really don't know all the particulars around the issue.  And when I say 'old ID', I think from Cam said is that as people age the Cambodian government doesn't necessarily update the photo or issue new ID's every so many years.  So the photo on his ID is quite old and doesn't really look like his appearance today.  

[PeterRS]

I have never dated a Cambodian and my partner is from Myanmar having had a good education and now working legally in Thailand with a very good employer. So my comments need to be taken with a pinch of salt!

First, as @jimmie50 may not be aware, it is the law in Thailand that formal identification (usually through a valid passport) be carried at all times. Naturally there are ways around this as who wants their passport stolen from them. The most common form is a photocopy with the personal details and, importantly, the date of expiry of the visa or permit to stay. Reading this forum, I cannot recall any foreigner having been asked for his identification. After 25 years of living here, I certainly have never had anyone ask.

On the other hand, a foreigner needs his passport for a number of transactions. Opening a bank account (if that is actually possible - and often it is not), any bank transactions, applying for a Rabit travel card, changing money at registered money changers, registering at hotels, picking up items from a post office . . . etc. There was a huge fuss made when the British Embassies stopped issuing passports in Asia more than a decade ago. The Thai Embassy did a deal with some private enterprise which now does all the passport transactions. But passports have to be sent to the UK Passport Office in Liverpool to be officially cancelled and then renewed. So a compromise was reached whereby a UK citizen submits a copy of each page of his passport to the enterprise and an inflated fee to cover the cost of sending the copies and the appication form to the UK and a courier to send the new passport back! The estiimated time was between 10 and 12 weeks!

Thanks to a lawyer friend in London, when I had to renew two years ago, I learned that if you actually reside in the UK there is also a one-day and one-week process - at extra fees - at Issuing offices in London and Glasgow. Although not living in the UK for more than four decades, I decided to take my chance. I paid for a one week passport, was treated at the office with the utmost courtesy, told there was no problem with my not residing in the UK as long as I provided a UK address. End result. The new passport was delivered to that UK address by courier 48 hours later! I have no idea about the process for US citizens, but an American friend regularly swears blue murder about it.

Hopefully that information might help UK citizens living in Thailand. I raise it only because it highights an issue @jimmie50 might face unless he has several free pages in his current passport. If not, it might be advisable to get a new one before the first long stay in Thailand. And with all respect to previous contributors, if a young man with no valid papers is found by the police, whereas a decent amount of cash can usually get them to look the other way, there is no guarantee. Official overstay fees are Bt. 500 per day up to a maximum of Bt. 20,000. But - there are always 'buts' - anyone overstaying by 90+ days will also be banned from entering Thailand for one year. The ban increases by the amount of the overstay. If the overstay is five years, the ban is for ten years.