Love Interest - Thailand 2026

[mauRICE]

44 minutes ago, jimmie50 said:

To be honest, I think I could be tolerant and more accepting of this than I am of Cam going off with other men from the bar.  That is the real hang up for me in this situation.  Trying to work through that and will need to either make peace within myself about his job,

Your feelings are valid and all too human. Another thing is, if he does stop working in the bar for good, would you be able to accept his past as a sex worker and not use it against him everytime you had a quarrel? What if you and him run into an old customer of his? He might even have slept with members of this forum who have become your friends. How will you cope? Do you expect him to severe all ties with his past? Can you reasonably expect him to?

[jimmie50]

1 hour ago, hank75 said:

My view is that it’s best to agree a fixed amount with Cam on a monthly or weekly basis, and let him sort things out with the bar to take a leave of absence. Boys often leave work for several months when they’ve found a long term customer or sponsor. Many just claim a family emergency and say “going home” then rejoin the bar again some months later. Discuss it with Cam. I’m sure he’d prefer you to spend that money on him  than the bar. 

I had no idea such an arrangement was possible.  While we did talk about my concerns regarding his job, we didn't really discuss alternatives at the time.  I wasn't sure I wanted it to be like a sponsorship arrangement.  We did talk about what his monthly expenses were and what his goal was each month to send to his family.  That gave me a general idea if I decided to take on that responsibility.  I would prefer to spend the money on him, as well, rather than pay the bar a 3-month off fee.  I just assumed that was the only way to guarantee his number and job.  You know what they say about assumptions.  lol.  Sounds like I need to have a serious conversation with Cam about this.  Keeping the same number might not be important to him.  I know he has had other offers and opportunities to go to different bars, but he prefers and is loyal to Hotmale.  He would want to return there if it was necessary.  

[jimmie50]

8 minutes ago, jason1975 said:

Why do you feel so affected by Cam meeting other men? It is what he does for a living.

I've had two long term relationships during my lifetime.  Both were monogamous...until they were not...which is what ultimately ended the relationships.  I wasn't looking for a relationship when traveling to Thailand...simply looking to explore and have a good time.  I certainly did my share of that.  Had I not gone on this adventure in the first place, I would have never met Cam.  The situation is really like a double-edged sword.  From my perspective, having fun with my various escapades changed once the switch was flipped with Cam from just having fun to something more serious.  I no longer had that desire to play the game and started to pull back from my other companions.  I was happy and content with Cam, and him with me.  The switch inside me flipped from party animal back to the monogamous mode.  Not sure if that makes any sense or not...still a work in progress.  

[jason1975]

On 4/1/2026 at 9:40 PM, jimmie50 said:

Especially grateful to @jason1975, because I was able to use his boyfriend relationship as the starting point in our conversation. 

Our relationship is complicated. While he is definitely my guy, I don't call him my boyfriend. I call him "con nuoi" the vietnamese word for godson while he calls me "cha nuoi" which means godfather.

We know each other 10 years. I have helped him a lot and he has also been very good for me. We know each other likes and dislikes.

We communicate every day but not video call. I personally dislike video call. I find that typing messages is better because we have to think in advance about our message before we type. Sometimes we attach photos or videos of ourselves or our surroundings.

[mauRICE]

11 minutes ago, jason1975 said:

I call him "con nuoi" the vietnamese word for godson while he calls me "cha nuoi" which means godfather.

You mean in Vietnam godfathers sleep with their godsons? Very interesting.

And here I thought the weirdest thing about the Vietnamese was that some of them ate cats. It's true what my friends say: I'm far too innocent. 😇

[jimmie50]

20 minutes ago, mauRICE said:

Your feelings are valid and all too human. Another thing is, if he does stop working in the bar for good, would you be able to accept his past as a sex worker and not use it against him everytime you had a quarrel? What if you and him run into an old customer of his? He might even have slept with members of this forum who have become your friends. How are you going to manage it? Do you expect him to severe all ties with his past? Can you reasonably expect him to?

I don't really have a problem with the fact he has been a sex worker.  Let's be realistic about that...it is how we met in the first place.  What should have been a one night trick back in October was etched in my mind so the very first club I had to visit was Hotmale to see if he was still working there.  Things kind of mushroomed from there to the current situation.  Based upon my previous relationships and experiences, I don't believe I would ever use that against him.  I simply am not that type of person.  He did what he needed to do to support himself and his family.  If we were to stay in Bangkok, I would not be surprised if we ran into former customers.  Not sure if we are in Cambodia how much of a factor that would be...but still possible.  Both parties bring a past to any relationship.  I've shared stories with him about my relationships.  He even knows a little about my adventures in Bangkok this trip before I started to curtail those activities as things got serious between us.  As for forum members...already know of at least one who was part of the group of 7 at G's for dinner who has been with him before.  Was not an issue.  I think it is important for both of us to be able to maintain contacts and friendships that were established before we met.  Where I would have an issue or problem is maintaining any type of sexual relationship.  We would both need to be able to set boundaries with former sex partners that it would strictly be a friendship moving forward...nothing more.  Probably sound like an old prude at this point.  lol.  

[mauRICE]

41 minutes ago, jimmie50 said:

Where I would have an issue or problem is maintaining any type of sexual relationship.  We would both need to be able to set boundaries with former sex partners that it would strictly be a friendship moving forward...nothing more.  Probably sound like an old prude at this point.  lol.  

Not a prude at all and your posts suggest a very youthful spirit. See, your feelings about this and what you want are becoming clearer and more focussed. The above is what feels right for you. For what it's worth, I wouldn't want a boyfriend (or godson) who's turning tricks on the side either.

[jimmie50]

18 minutes ago, jason1975 said:

Our relationship is complicated. While he is definitely my guy, I don't call him my boyfriend. I call him "con nuoi" the vietnamese word for godson while he calls me "cha nuoi" which means godfather.

We know each other 10 years. I have helped him a lot and he has also been very good for me. We know each other likes and dislikes.

We communicate every day but not video call. I personally dislike video call. I find that typing messages is better because we have to think in advance about our message before we type. Sometimes we attach photos or videos of ourselves or our surroundings.

I would definitely classify my situation as complicated.  We actually have used the word 'boyfriend' when referring to each other.  Not sure if there is something similar in Cambodia to godson and godfather, but if there is, he didn't mention it.  At the moment, I just want to get through the next few months.  I cannot begin to imagine 10 years from now.   Not sure how often we will do video call.  It's nice to just see the other person sometimes.  Also don't know that we will text every day.  That will partly be due to time difference and schedules, as well as language, but he also doesn't like texting that much.  One of the quirky things I learned about him over the last 7 weeks.  It will take us some time to figure out likes and dislikes.  As @floridarob said, if we make it to the 3-year bar, it is possible we have determined at least some of our likes and dislikes.  Getting to the three month bar is the major hurdle at the moment.  I am thinking more along the lines of 3 weeks.  lol.  

[Travelingguy]

5 hours ago, mauRICE said:

I'm far too innocent. 😇

I have my doubts about that.

[hank75]

11 hours ago, jimmie50 said:

Keeping the same number might not be important to him.

I think you are attaching too much importance to numbers. It’s not like a football player’s lucky jersey and if he really wants to keep the number, he can inform the bar he will be back and tip the manager to keep the number for him. Most boys would prefer 3 paid months with a favorite customer / potential boyfriend than a number tag.

11 hours ago, jimmie50 said:

I wasn't sure I wanted it to be like a sponsorship arrangement.

If you are planning to keep him with you for 3 months, you need to have this conversation with him anyway, about what amount he expects in order to compensate him for his bar earnings. How he handles this conversation will give you an inkling as to his expectations for the future so it is better known early than late. Don’t rush into it, plan what questions you will ask, and work out ahead of time what you feel a reasonable amount would be so you have a mental guideline in place which can be adjusted based on the discussion. The worst is to initiate the conversation cluelessly, without doing your own research and let the boy set the all the terms. Renegotiating will be harder than the first open and frank discussion. 

If I’m not incorrect, you also seem to be under the impression you need to pay him a daily rate similar to what he earns at the bar each day (inclusive of off fee) but actually weekly or monthly arrangements with long term discount is not unusual at all. 

 

[vinapu]

9 minutes ago, hank75 said:

........the first open and frank discussion. 

 

that may be hard when we are in love

[kram987]

On 4/3/2026 at 9:36 AM, jimmie50 said:

Having said all of that, I realize these are things he has told me and may not be 100% truthful or accurate.  They could be things he is saying because he thinks that is what I want to hear.  For all I know, he could actually be married and have three children!   Just have to be able to filter through some of the things they say and sometimes it simply comes down to blind faith.  Don't really know truth from fiction.  

All that can be true in a relationship back at home, to some degree there are always risks. But hopefully things work out.  

[hank75]

51 minutes ago, vinapu said:

that may be hard when we are in love

I am hoping that by sharing a few thoughts here @jimmie50 may be spared some of the bumps in the road I’ve encountered! Boy-shaped bumps.

[floridarob]

5 hours ago, Travelingguy said:

I have my doubts about that.

+100

[mauRICE]

2 minutes ago, hank75 said:

I am hoping that by sharing a few thoughts here @jimmie50 may be spared some of the bumps in the road I’ve encountered! Boy-shaped bumps.

Bumps or bums? 😉

[mauRICE]

12 hours ago, jason1975 said:

We communicate every day but not video call. I personally dislike video call. 

Just as well. Video calls can be tricky if they're in the middle of a...errr...trick. 😒

[hank75]

2 hours ago, mauRICE said:

Bumps or bums? 😉

all to personal preference 

[PeterRS]

I write little about sex in Thailand now - certainly compared to the more than three decades prior to the mid 2010s - but only, as I have written several times, because I am partnered and neither my partner nor I feel the need or desire to experience the local sex scene any more. On the other hand, we both travel a bit and have an agreement that we can be free to indulge in our sexual desires if we so wish. The key to the arrangement is that we always explain later to each other what we have done and we practice safe sex.

That out of the way, I had several longish relationships with guys from countries outside Hong Kong where I was based for much of my career. The first was a 25-year old Japanese a few years younger than me who taught me something I had never really encountered before - passion in a relationship. That can be unimaginably great when you are together and yet almost frightening when you are not. I could only meet him once a month, although he did come to stay with me for three weeks. I learned from his friends that his feelings for me were almost as strong as mine for him. But when we were apart he did play around whereas I did not. And the more often we were apart, the more difficult I felt. Jealousy, I know. Jealousy can be very difficult to overcome. As it turned out, while he was never jealous, he needed sex more than I and eventually hooked up with an older Englishman in Tokyo. I was mortified - but I had learned a lesson.

The problem with this and other relationships was that I fell for too many guys who lived outside Hong Kong. Since I travelled regularly, sometimes that was not a problem. But that little germ of jealousy was never far away. And I suppose it was only when I was with a Taiwanese guy who really did not play the sex scene that I had my most successful relationship. Five years is not so long, but at that time it was for me.

I have never been in a relationship with a bar boy. Some here have and are wonderfully happy. I wish yours will be the same.

[hank75]

3 hours ago, mauRICE said:

Just as well. Video calls can be tricky if they're in the middle of a...errr...trick. 😒

Or the tricks they get up to using video calls to make sponsors think they are faithful and living like nuns 🤣

[Keithambrose]

2 hours ago, hank75 said:

Or the tricks they get up to using video calls to make sponsors think they are faithful and living like nuns 🤣

Nuns? I didn't know they were all transvestite!