Are gay Thai men faithful?

[kentguy2025]

I met this Thai guy back in November, and we’re due to go travelling together in a couple of weeks. The plan is that I apply for a DTV by September, and he’s also talking about eventually moving in with me.

The long-distance relationship since November has been quite difficult. I sometimes feel like he isn’t fully honest, even about small things. I also don’t really feel very loved by him—for example, I often send him what I think are affectionate or sweet messages, but he rarely responds in the same way. I realise this could potentially be a cultural difference, as this is my first time dating a Thai man, but I’m not sure.

He also goes out at night quite often with friends and is usually unreachable when he’s out. Given perceptions about nightlife in Thailand, I sometimes worry in the back of my mind whether he might be cheating.

I feel confused and unsure about the situation, and I’m trying to understand whether my concerns are valid or if I’m overthinking things.

[vinapu]

3 minutes ago, kentguy2025 said:

 

I feel confused and unsure about the situation, and I’m trying to understand whether my concerns are valid or if I’m overthinking things.

now you may be overthinking although not necessarily so. 

Those are typical pitfalls of long distance relationships and there s no way of escaping those thoughts other than trusting him  or cutting relationship off , sooner the better .

As for messages, don't worry too much about him not sounding sweet enough. It could be more reserved personality or   linguistic and cultural difference. 

 

[kentguy2025]

3 minutes ago, vinapu said:

now you may be overthinking although not necessarily so. 

Those are typical pitfalls of long distance relationships and there s no way of escaping those thoughts other than trusting him  or cutting relationship off , sooner the better .

As for messages, don't worry too much about him not sounding sweet enough. It could be more reserved personality or   linguistic and cultural difference. 

 

I know, I am probably overthinking it, basically I don't want to be wasting either of our time I suppose.

This maybe a really insensitive thing to ask but do they get into relationships with men just for a better life ??

[Travelingguy]

Is the question about whether Thai men are faithful or whether men are faithful?  Perhaps @floridarob should chime in.  I think he has opinions on this subject.

[jimmie50]

4 hours ago, kentguy2025 said:

I realise this could potentially be a cultural difference

I believe this may partially be the case.  I have had two long term relationships, one of which was for ten years with a man from Taiwan.  Eventually we lived together in both the US and in Taiwan, but it initially started as a long distance relationship.  I am currently in a 'situation' with a Cambodian man who  lives in Thailand.  Again, this is a long distance arrangement.  I also have long time Thai friends.  While any relationship requires communication and trust to be successful and long lasting, my experiences have taught me that I cannot expect them to communicate in the exact same manner I am accustomed to or would expect if they were white American men.  If that is your expectation, you are in for a rough road ahead.  There is a big cultural difference, not to mention the language barrier.  Not sure where you are from or your nationality.  Unless your guy is fluent in your native language, you both are probably using a translation app on the phone or computer.  Unfortunately, these are not always completely accurate and the meaning gets garbled or lost completely.  I check, double-check and triple-check everything I send in a message to be sure.  I can translate one sentence three times on the same app and it will come out different all three times.  I believe you are over-thinking the romance piece.  

You didn't say what your guy does for work?  You also didn't mention how you met.  Those pieces of the puzzle might help us respond better to the cheating question.  

Bottom line...all relationships require communication and trust.  Long distance even more so.  

[hank75]

5 hours ago, kentguy2025 said:

if I’m overthinking things.

I don’t think so. Everything you’ve mentioned would be a cause of concern to me. I’ll preface my comments by saying this isn’t a criticism of you but notes from personal experience.

Attributing relationship red flags to “cultural differences” and overlooking them is at best naive, at worst dangerous. 

You’ve given us little information to go on. Where did you meet him? In a bar? Was he formerly or even currently a working boy? Or if you met him on Grindr, has he ever accepted payment for hook ups? Does he have other “partners”? 

5 hours ago, kentguy2025 said:

I also don’t really feel very loved by him—for example, I often send him what I think are affectionate or sweet messages, but he rarely responds in the same way. I realise this could potentially be a cultural difference, as this is my first time dating a Thai man, but I’m not sure.

This could be cultural or simply down to personality. I’m inclined to say it’s only partly cultural. Thai people are known to be indirect or suppress their feelings (especially when it’s confrontational or uncomfortable) but while not communicative, they’re known to be affectionate and if not by words, by actions. Such as showing commitment to the partnership, never flaking out or making unexpected changes, being contactable nearly all of the time, transparent about who they’re going out with. 

It could be personality, there’s nothing wrong with being emotionally reserved. But combined with your suspicion he’s not being honest and being uncontactable on nights out, clearly you feel something isn’t right otherwise you wouldn’t be posting here. Gut feelings shouldn’t be ignored. 

What’s the worst case scenario? He doesn’t have sincere feelings for you at the moment and is with you for his own reasons. Then, do you think he’s genuinely open to building a foundation where his feelings can blossom over time and your worries are slowly erased? There is nothing wrong with this either. 

I’m in agreement with their other members here who have responded. Unless you’re ready to cut things off, there’s no point overthinking things but for your own sake, be observant and don’t keep giving him a free pass based on “cultural differences” 

I expect many of your questions will be answered after spending time together in two weeks. 

 

[hank75]

5 hours ago, kentguy2025 said:

This maybe a really insensitive thing to ask but do they get into relationships with men just for a better life ??

100% but so many shades of grey to this topic and a mutually beneficial relationship isn’t always an insincere one 

[floridarob]

10 hours ago, Travelingguy said:

Is the question about whether Thai men are faithful or whether men are faithful?  Perhaps @floridarob should chime in.  I think he has opinions on this subject.

I think everyone has opinions AND lived experience on this.... men can't be faithful, perhaps for a short time or if you've already had your share of fucking around in your younger years and want to settle down and companionship is more important than wild sex.... but expecting someone much younger than you to be at that stage with you and not fucking around is a pipe dream.

Long distance relationships are not viable....better to be reliable fuck buddies/friends.

Now can Thai men be faithful, specifically....  like @jimmie50 said, too much missing information in this case, but bet it falls into the above explanation regardless  😉

[FunFifties]

Is your upcoming trip your first time travelling together? In that case, I would say you are still in the -getting to know each other- phase of exploring a relationship. Spend some of the time travelling together by talking over your mutual expectations for a relationship. I would not expect a long distance relationship to be monogamous, but I know others may have other expectations or assumptions, so it's important to be open about how you look at these things.

Enjoy your trip and hopefully your relationship will develop in the direction you hope it to go. 

[Vessey]

My experience, as a holiday visitor for the last twenty years, is that yes they can be faithful; the older they are, the more likely that they can be, but let me immediately qualify that, by asking 'who are we expecting him to be faithful to?'

Most young Thai boys shag like rabbits with other young Thai boys on a daily basis; they can have current Thai boyfriends but they rarely seem particularly enduring relationships. But as for us older farang boyfriends living abroad?, well that's a whole different matter.

I currently have two 'boyfriends', one Laos, one Thai (who each know about the other).

My Laos boyfriend I have known for about ten years now, we video-call every day, and we meet-up whenever I return to Pattaya, but we haven't had sex together for several years; he is much more of a companion now. He now talks quite candidly to me about his other three farang boyfriends; and I am aware that each of us supports him a little bit. He has just about abandoned his bar-boy job in boyztown now, and focusses instead on keeping all four of us happy by daily contact.  He is over 30 now and his own sex-drive has dwindled; when he does feel horny he finds another Thai boy who will come and suck his cock, or occasionally fuck him - and he pays them to do so (500 baht manybe). But his English is just about conversational now and he is my daily contact with Pattaya, and when I am in town he is my friend and companion.

My Thai boyfriend is the 'boom boom' boyfriend that I have known about six years now. In his late 20s, he is still a horny little bugger and constantly shagging other Thai boys (top or bottom) on an almost daily basis, either individually or at small alcohol fuelled 'parties'. He likes me and happily stays with me on holiday, but I know he drools over other Thai boys (not me! haha) as we are forever chatting about who he has seen that he likes. He is into threesomes with me, and effectively he uses me as an excuse to have sex with the other boys we meet in the bars that we both choose as our third (or occasionally fourth 🤣). I also use him for threesomes in that there are bar boys who will come to my room because they know that they will be having sex with him (as well as me). 

I fully accept that neither boy will end up pushing my wheelchair here in England in years to come; neither wants to come and live with me in England; they are both entirely happy living where they are, and why not? In Thailand they have their families, their friends, their culture, language and foods. 

So neither are really my boyfriends in the sense that we might traditionally understand; I am essentially a favoured customer, a status I pay for in one way or another.

Of course, if I was an exPat living in Pattaya, available to see them 24/7, then my 'relationship' with either might be entirely different. 

[ZSTOYTRA]

I think the communication barriers by language tend to be a lot larger than we think, I was hooking up with this guy and his English was nearly perfect; he actually has an advanced degree in the English language, but still there were communication issues. For example, when we were trying to make plans and he asked what I wanted to do I said I'm down for anything and he interpreted that as me saying I don't feel well enough to do anything (as in I'm feeling down)

Hell, on Grindr I can't count how many times someone says something to me and I have no clue what the fuck they're trying to say

[hank75]

1 hour ago, Vessey said:

I fully accept that neither boy will end up pushing my wheelchair here in England in years to come

Perhaps that wheelchair may move to Thailand 

[mima_bk]

17 hours ago, kentguy2025 said:

I met this Thai guy back in November, and we’re due to go travelling together in a couple of weeks. The plan is that I apply for a DTV by September, and he’s also talking about eventually moving in with me.

The long-distance relationship since November has been quite difficult. I sometimes feel like he isn’t fully honest, even about small things. I also don’t really feel very loved by him—for example, I often send him what I think are affectionate or sweet messages, but he rarely responds in the same way. I realise this could potentially be a cultural difference, as this is my first time dating a Thai man, but I’m not sure.

He also goes out at night quite often with friends and is usually unreachable when he’s out. Given perceptions about nightlife in Thailand, I sometimes worry in the back of my mind whether he might be cheating.

I feel confused and unsure about the situation, and I’m trying to understand whether my concerns are valid or if I’m overthinking things.

I feel you, i am basically in the same boat like you in your first sentence. I don't think they are faithful, but in my mind he does not have to be. Just try to enjoy what you have with him and what the future brings is always an open question. 
Don't move there just because of him. If it's for thailand in general, ok; but if it ist because of him then you are in dangerous territory. 
And speak to him openly about what you want from him and the reason for you to move there. Mine gave honest answers, and this gives me more clarity if and how to move forward.
For honesty of thai men in general you may like to google "thai gik culture". Considering gay thai men this is multiplied by 100. They like to hook up often and happily. You have to decide for yourself if you can live with that.

[mima_bk]

17 hours ago, kentguy2025 said:

This maybe a really insensitive thing to ask but do they get into relationships with men just for a better life ??

Of course they do. 

[daydreamer]

The Bangkok Post ran a story about Thai infidelity three months ago.  The article was entitled "Thailand tops global infidelity rates people admit to". 

So no, to answer your question, the Thais themselves admit they are not very faithful.  And as @mima_bk said, that rate of infidelity would likely be multiplied amongst single Thai gay men, since the surveyed individuals were married adults.

From the article:  "In Thailand, just over half of married adults surveyed, 51%, admitted they had engaged in extramarital sex at least once, placing the Southeast Asian nation ahead of its global peers in this particular measure of relationship behaviour."

https://www.bangkokpost.com/life/social-and-lifestyle/3184524/thailand-tops-global-infidelity-rates-people-admit-to.